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Betrayal trauma, a painful and frequent experience

Have you ever offered your trust to someone and that person completely destroyed it? Family, friends, partner… These experiences can develop psychological trauma in us that we need to know about. We give you the keys below.

When a heart breaks because of betrayal, it makes no sound. However, for those who suffer it, the entire world breaks into a thousand pieces and it costs the unspeakable to put it back together. Because The psychological impact caused by being betrayed is one of the most traumatic experiences for human beings.. We cannot underestimate these types of realities.

The striking thing is that, behind them, they urge us to turn the page. They tell us not to give importance to this slight caused by a friend. To that bad move by a brother or to that unexpected act carried out by a family member. And what can we say about the betrayals suffered in a relationship? They are often devastating events that leave a constant echo within us.

Because the wound of a betrayal is like a notch in the brain and an attack on our basic principles of survival. People need to build social bonds with which we feel safe. If this fails, many of our mental and emotional foundations collapse. Healing them is a necessity. Let us, therefore, delve deeper into this topic.

In the face of betrayal trauma, it is crucial not to blame ourselves.

There are many adults who carry betrayal traumas that originated with their attachment figures in childhood.

Betrayal trauma: definition and characteristics

Betrayal trauma defines the psycho-emotional experience we suffer after the bond of trust is broken or violated. This experience can be caused by one, several people and even some institution. The present concept was coined by academic Jennifer Freyd in 1994, who highlights the importance of paying greater attention to this type of experiences.

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In one of his most notable works, Betrayal Trauma: The Logic of Forgetting Childhood Abuse, 1998, highlights a significant fact. Children who are mistreated and abused by their parents, in addition to the trauma associated with such acts, also develop betrayal trauma.

Feeling that their existence depends on people who cause them harm causes deep psychic pain in that childish mind. Some may erase or block said events from memory. When they depend to live on someone who caused them suffering, the brain can repress that act as a defense (and also survival) mechanism. They are very complex facts.

What typologies exist?

When thinking about the traumas caused by disappointments and betrayals, it is common to immediately visualize those caused by emotional relationships. However, there are many types and all are equally harmful.

Likewise, something essential should be noted. The impact of a betrayal always depends on how much we depend on that figure that attacks the pillars of our trust. Let’s get to know those existing typologies:

The trauma of betrayal by our attachment figures (family members) is the most recurring.Institutional betrayal. It happens when an institution or organization that should support us or meet our needs acts against us or neglects us. In this aspect, it is integrated from social, health, military institutions, etc.Romantic betrayals. Affective relationships are common scenarios for betrayal trauma. They appear due to unhappiness, lies and also violence within the couple themselves.Trauma caused by the breakdown of trust between friends. These experiences can also be especially painful.

How do they manifest?

Rush University conducted research to deepen and understand this psychological reality much more. The first thing we should know is that a betrayal can leave physical and psychological consequences.

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The more intimate the link with that figure that attacks us, the greater the consequences they can leave us. These are the effects that they were able to notice in said work:

Betrayal can often cause post-traumatic stress disorder.It is common to experience anxiety and lead to depression. Problems regulating emotions. Children who suffer trauma due to betrayal by their caregivers can develop alexithymia.It is common for dissociation experiences to appear. That is, the mind disconnects from the present moment or displaces that traumatic experience.Betrayal trauma causes us to stop trusting people and Problems arise in our relationships. Eating disorders (ED) may appear. Physical health problems such as digestive disorders, fatigue, allergies, etc.

Many betrayals come out of nowhere and have no explanation. No matter how much we try to find meaning, they may not have it and that is what is most difficult for us to accept.

Addressing the wound of broken trust means making space for our pain instead of repressing it, trying to move forward.

How to treat this type of psychological trauma?

We live in a society determined to convince us that we must avoid pain and move forward. Who has not experienced betrayal firsthand? Without a doubt, the vast majority of us. Now, what do we usually do after these experiences? Generally, you grit your teeth, suppress the pain and try to forget about it.

However, Displacing what happened does not work, because generally, the substrate of anger, sadness and even guilt always remains.. The wound of all betrayal needs to be addressed. These are the keys:

Leave space for the pain of betrayal and describe it

The first step is to recognize the pain, leave space for the experience of betrayal and describe it. We must be honest with ourselves and show in detail how we feel about it.

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Detect emotions

A betrayal raises a high emotional charge nourished by very complex states. There is, as we have pointed out, everything from sadness, anger, anger, hopelessness and even guilt. We can write down these sensations and emotions that grip us or share them with someone we love.. Expressing out loud how we feel can be of great help.

After recognizing the wound, let’s seek psychological support

Betrayal trauma can have other associated traumas behind it. It is very common to reach adulthood without healing those wounds caused in childhood with our parents. The weight of the violated and damaged emotional bond becomes a burden that often prevents us from achieving well-being in adulthood.

Let’s seek support from professionals specialized in trauma. Addressing these wounds can be a long and painful journey, but we can achieve well-being and recover self-love, calm and well-being.

You might be interested…

All cited sources were reviewed in depth by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, validity and validity. The bibliography in this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.

Babcock RL, DePrince AP. Childhood betrayal trauma and self-blame appraisals among survivors of intimate partner abuse. J Trauma Dissociation. 2012;13(5):526-538. doi:10.1080/15299732.2012.694842 Gagnon, KL, Lee, MS, & DePrince, AP (2019). Victim–perpetrator dynamics through the lens of betrayal trauma theory. In The Abused and the Abuser (pp. 131-140). Routledge. Goldsmith RE, Freyd JJ, DePrince AP. Betrayal trauma: associations with psychological and physical symptoms in young adults. J Interpers Violence. 2012;27(3):547-567. doi:10.1177/0886260511421672 Freyd, J. J. (1996). Betrayal trauma. Encyclopedia of psychological trauma, 76. Kahn, L. (2006). The understanding and treatment of betrayal trauma as a traumatic experience of love. Journal of Trauma Practice, 5(3), 57-72.

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