And when is it better to give up?

Giving up is a strong word for many people. It is linked to the idea of ​​failure, weakness, incapacity. But, in truth, giving up (depending on the situation) may be the best way out to live better. In this text, I intend to talk about the possibility of giving up in the professional area and in the affective area, in relationships, especially love relationships.

I have been reading books on motivation, self-help, behavioral psychology, neurolinguistic programming for many years and there is a formulation in all of them that says that the secret of success is persistence. It is true, however, the same truth is that giving up and moving on to another scenario can also be fundamental.

I don’t know if you remember, but a few years ago a book that was very successful was “Who Moved My Cheese?” In 2007, I attended a training given by a psychologist friend at a company that addressed the theme of this book, which was a bestseller for telling through a story, therefore through a metaphor, which can be applied in different areas. The summary can be said as follows: the mouse wants its cheese. The cheese in the place where he lives is running low. A little mouse can go somewhere else, look for and find more cheese, or it can stay in the same place moaning about the cheese it’s zeroing out.

It is in this sense that I will use the idea of ​​giving up here. Giving up does not mean stopping, paralyzing, losing. But it also has the meaning of giving up on a way to solve the problem or giving up on an environment that is not conducive to getting what you want.

Give up a way of behaving

As I said, we can give up without necessarily abandoning the ultimate goal. We may give up on a misguided way of solving the problem at hand. Using the “Who Moved My Cheese” metaphor, the mouse could continue with its objective (the cheese) but give up its lazy and complacent behavior. Another example would be to imagine someone who wants to earn more money and is accommodated in their work or work environment.

Instead of giving up on the goal (making more money), this same person can reformulate the way he is behaving to achieve it. With this, changing behavior, giving up that way of acting, you can find hundreds of other ways to fulfill yourself. As the Apple motto says: Think Different. Think different.

As John D. Rockefeller says, “Don’t be afraid to give up the good to pursue the great.”

give up on a relationship

A while ago I wrote a text titled: “Why couples don’t break up?”

It’s a simple text, but one of the ones I like the most. After all, I receive many emails asking about the reasons that lead so many people to remain in a relationship that is often destructive or unsatisfactory. You can read it at the link above, but I’ll summarize my point. Couples don’t break up because in relationships like this there is a mixture of pleasure and pain, fulfillment and frustration. So when there is pain or frustration, fights or disagreements, we think that it was better, that it can get better, that it will go back to the way it was before…

If we ask anyone why they stay with someone, date or get married, we will hear that they went in search of happiness. That the other person brings happiness, through love and passion. But what about when it’s best to give up?

Giving up a difficult relationship can be the best path to happiness. Overcoming the fear of loneliness, the strange idea of ​​failure because it didn’t work out, that it should be eternal or last a lifetime, can be infinitely healthier than continuing for long periods “in useless suffering”.

Give up on a dream – Never?

There is a philosophical paradox that says “Everything is relative”. If everything is relative, the truth “Everything is relative” can be false. With that, not everything is relative… General and absolute thoughts, in the end, can just be summed up to a crystallized thought and a wrong way of structuring the path that we have ahead of us. So giving up on a dream can also be a good option. Because an unfulfilled dream is certain suffering and if we investigate what was behind the dream, we will still be able to fulfill it, of course, with reservations.

I remember that during psychology college, we read a Professional Guidance text, which said of a girl who wanted to be a doctor. As she did not have a nearby medical school, she changed this dream to what was closer. She studied to be a nursing technician. If we were to analyze the dream (medicine), we would see that the girl’s ultimate goal would be to help others in the area of ​​health. Of course, other ideas like social status and pay also come into play.

However, the girl’s real dream was to help. And help, taking care of other people’s health. As a nursing technician, she could reach her ultimate goal, without reaching the goal itself (medicine). This is an interesting reframing idea. Understanding better what is behind our dreams helps us to conduct ourselves in what we could say is the conflict between the dreamer and the pessimist.

A pessimistic person would tell this girl that that would not be possible. That she would have to accept her situation and give up her dream of becoming a doctor. A dreamer would tell her to never give up on her dream and move forward. The middle ground in this case, in this case and at this moment, would be for her to find, therefore, a middle ground.

With a profession – nursing – that was available and that would also give her a job, she could indeed continue dreaming and go to college later on. Or not. She could continue as a coach and be happy too, “giving up her teenage dream”.

And you, have you ever given up? Was it positive or negative for you? What did you learn? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

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