Adults with Peter Pan syndrome: causes, consequences and how to deal with them

There are people of 30 or 40 who act in a childish and immature way.. It is difficult to live with them because they hardly assume any responsibility, they are allergic to commitments and they exhibit very selfish behavior. While these “childish adults” do not fit into any clinical category or psychological disorder as such, they do trace a common phenomenon known as Peter Pan syndrome.

Behind these behavioral patterns is usually a poor parenting style., alterations in attachment style or a narcissistic personality. The problem is that, although it may surprise us, these figures tend to be unhappy and show problems in their social relationships. If you live with someone who fits such a profile, we explain what you can do.

Childish adults often suffer tantrums like small children, due to their inability to resist frustration.

Adults with Peter Pan syndrome: what are the causes?

Perhaps you know someone who is unable to maintain a relationship or you have coworkers with whom it is impossible to meet goals due to their lack of responsibility. Adults with Peter Pan syndrome are those whose chronological age does not match what they demonstrate at a behavioral level.. They are immature, childish, with a tendency to avoid, etc.

Although we are not facing a mental condition that appears in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V), from the psychological field a detail is notable. The infantile adult could reveal other underlying disorders. Furthermore, his behavior is clearly problematic in all social and emotional areas. Let’s see, below, what explains this behavior.

1. Permissive or overprotective parenting styles

There are families with a deficient parenting style that alters the psychosocial development of the child. The absence of clear limits, permissiveness and lack of assumption of responsibilities in childhood, for example, are usually behind the adult with Peter Pan syndrome..

Now, let’s not ignore the impact that overprotection has in the short and long term. Research work, such as those carried out at the California State University, highlights the image of “helicopter parents”, that is, those who excessively control the lives of their children, which reduces the self-efficacy of the latter during their university stages. and labor.

They turn them, so to speak, into people with serious problems taking control of their own lives.

2. An avoidant attachment

Emotional immaturity can also have its origins in an avoidant attachment style. The roots of this characteristic lie in childhood, only in this case, instead of overprotection, what they may have suffered is the lack of stable and nourishing affection in the emotional sphere.

These are situations in which caregivers did not favor the development of the child’s emotional competencies. Consequently, you would have an adult who flees from emotional intimacy, who is incapable of building solid, mature and healthy bonds.

3. Narcissistic personality

The adult with Peter Pan syndrome usually falls on a spectrum. Some show more problematic traits and others, however, only show some characteristics.. Often, this form of immaturity and lack of responsibility is expressed in a clearly narcissistic personality. In these cases, their behavior is usually the most complex at all levels.

They are selfish people, who burden others with their own responsibilities and who seek to be the center of attention at all times. As we pointed out at the beginning, frequently, behind this pattern of behavior there could be some psychological condition; narcissistic personality disorder is an example.

4. Lack of emotional skills and no resistance to frustration

There are adults with the emotional skills of a 3-year-old child. And the adult with Peter Pan syndrome is an image of it. It is true that the assumption of these skills must be established in childhood; However, we repeatedly see a clear refusal to self-improve when they reach middle age.

The personality gets stuck in this inability to tolerate frustrations and understand what it is to live in society and be an adult.. They are very inflexible minds with great resistance to change.

What are the consequences of being a childish adult?

It is common to see adults with Peter Pan syndrome. What’s more, Given that parental overprotection is an increasingly common phenomenon, there is a possibility that the number of adult children will increase.. So much so that we will soon have a scale to detect them, at least in the male gender.

The Ondokuz Mayıs University, in Turkey, developed a technique in 2021 to carry out this evaluation. The instrument will measure the most significant constructs in this condition. This will be very useful, both for its detection and for its treatment.

However, what can already be listed are the most common consequences of said psychosocial and emotional immaturity. Below, we present them.

They are challenging.They are afraid of loneliness.They show a high level of selfishness. Their jobs last very little. They are incapable of handling stress.They show commitment phobias.They are incapable of solving their problems. They are incapable of achieving personal goals. They have few friends and lose them quickly.They are moved only by immediate desires and needs. They are very impulsive. They can show great dependence on some figures, for example, their parents. They have a high tendency towards mood disorders such as depression.They have tantrums, do not regulate their emotions and do not respect those of others.They do not assume responsibilities and are skilled at giving excuses and justifying why they do not carry them out. They often demonstrate passive-aggressive behavior. That is to say, They use hints in their communication, are hostile and never express what they feel or think assertively.

There are many people who, in their relationships, live with a figure who shows Peter Pan syndrome.

How to deal with people with Peter Pan syndrome?

Adults with Peter Pan syndrome are unhappy people. Beyond the fact that their behavior, irresponsibility and lack of social skills irritate us, they are figures destined for failure in society. The problem also lies in the fact that they are profiles with great resistance and opposition to change.

Dan Kiley was the psychologist who coined this term in 1983, after publishing his book He Peter Pan syndrome. In it he explained that many of his patients had this characteristic and that, in general, it was difficult to advance in therapy. However, we now have new approaches and there are more ways to deal with them. Let’s analyze some, below.

1. Explain to them the consequence of not assuming responsibilities

From a social point of view, it is impossible for someone with this profile to adapt to our daily reality. The child-adult must become aware of what happens when one does not act responsibly.. The result is social exclusion, loneliness, precariousness and unhappiness. Let us not hesitate to detail the effect of their conduct.

2. Avoid being their caregiver

The problem with Peter Pan syndrome is that sometimes it finds its Wendy. That is to say, In many relationships there is the infantile person and the figure who cares for and rescues the infantilized adult.. For a time this union can nourish each person’s needs, but they are bonds destined for failure and suffering.

Let’s not meet every need of these figures by making their lives easier. The goal is for them to know the effect of their actions and assume responsibilities.

3. Guide them to seek specialized help

Peter Pan syndrome has psychological triggers behind it that must be understood and treated. Attachment problems, the dents of dysfunctional parenting and poor emotional management, can be addressed through cognitive-behavioral therapy.. Likewise, these patients often experience covert depression that will require clinical and pharmacological treatments.

Conclusion

Average, Adult immaturity is the symptom of a deeper reality that must be addressed and healed.. The origin of this behavior is almost always in a childhood based on overprotection, lack of limits or, conversely, inattention. As psychiatrist Boris Cyrulnik said: “An unhappy childhood does not determine life.”

We can apply mechanisms for improvement and make that person someone who is socially functional.

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