Adulthood Effects of Growing Up with a Narcissistic Parent

The effects on adulthood of growing up with a narcissistic father are relevant. No one emerges completely unscathed from those years of living with a personality so damaging on multiple levels. Manipulation, egocentrism, obsession with obedience and perfection, complete disinterest in the needs of the children…

There are those who say that growing up with a narcissistic father or mother is like being subjected to the leader of a cult.. They are figures with great power to psychologically override others. They are skilled at emotionally draining those around them. They emerge as experts in making us believe that our dreams, hobbies and goals are completely useless.

The poet TS Eliot said that half of the damage done in this world comes from those people who want to be important. When we suffer this dynamic in childhood and adolescence from our parents, it is common to continue suffering its impact beyond.

These are the adulthood effects of growing up with a narcissistic parent

At 8, 9 or 10 years old, we already begin to imagine a life as adults. Beyond the idealistic fantasies of age, it is common to imagine ourselves in a very concrete way: being happy and dedicating ourselves to what we like most. However, Growing up with a narcissistic parent, it is very difficult to become the person we want to be..

There is an excess of unhealed emotional traumas and neglected psychological areas. The mental submission to which one is subjected becomes an insurmountable obstacle to building the foundations of good self-esteem, a fundamental pillar for emotional management. These deficiencies act as burdens for correct psychosocial development and self-confidence, basic elements to conquer dreams and desires.

Likewise, according to a study by Bahauddin Zakariya University, It is very common for the narcissistic profile to appear in the father. This creates family nuclei in which the woman along with the children remain anchored to that dominating figure that monopolizes all attention and needs. The first one’s sole responsibility is to please and care for that narcissistic parent.

However, What effect can these experiences have on adulthood? We analyze it.

You live dominated by paralyzing emotions

What are paralyzing emotions? They are those that do not let you be yourself, that limit your decision-making capacity, self-care and that turn off your potential. So, One of the effects of growing up with a narcissistic parent is living with constant indecision and insecurity.. It is difficult for you to solve problems, decide for yourself, meet your needs…

At the same time, a corrosive feeling of guilt persists. Guilt for not having reacted sooner to each thing suffered in childhood and adolescence, guilt for not being able to be as we truly wish.

The effects gaslighting (gaslight) or the abuse that completely nullified you

Growing up with a narcissistic father means suffering the weight of gaslighting almost every day. That is to say, That parent managed well to make us believe that we were fallible in almost anything. He convinced us that we had little to offer the world and that each of our dreams and hobbies were little more than nonsense.

He criticized our friends and undervalued every merit achieved. Every blow to self-esteem is still present and We still continue to doubt our potential. This can cause us to end up suffering from what is known as imposter syndrome.

Ecoist personality, what I need doesn’t matter

The echoist personality prefers to exist, but without being too noticeable. He knows very well what it is to live with someone selfish and, therefore, he seeks to be the complete opposite, to the point of becoming pathological. That is, completely neglecting their needs, leaving aside their opinions and desires to devote themselves to the exclusive attention of others.

One of the effects of growing up with a narcissistic parent is becoming an adult who prefers to live in the shadows of others. They don’t want to be a burden. They don’t want to bother or worry anyone… In fact, When asked about their preferences, tastes or desires, they are unable to respond.

Insecure ambivalent attachment

Ambivalent insecure attachment is permeated with fears and needs. The person who grew up with a narcissistic father longs to be loved, however, he fears being hurt again and, therefore, distrusts. This creates a series of contradictory dynamics in emotional matters that lead to failure in relationships.

The somatized anger, the pain that longs to emerge

Indeed, another recurring factor among those who have had to grow up with a narcissistic father is somatization.. The entire accumulation of negatively valenced emotions suffered in the past and not managed are still there, especially anger. That emotion experienced in the face of every slight, manipulation, contempt and psychological abuse leaves a mark. Something like this often translates into multiple physical discomforts.

To conclude, there are many consequences and after-effects that can remain with us as a result of these experiences. Now, beyond what has been suffered, the most important thing is to deal with all these realities. Psychological therapy can allow us to overcome these internal wounds and shape a much better present and future..

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