A mother is not a best friend: she is a mother

There are people who believe that the best relationship that can exist between a mother and her daughter is that of “best friends.”. However, this situation carries the risk that over time it will lead to the emergence of mutual rivalry, loss of respect, confusion of roles and even invasion of privacy.

Children need an adult to set an example for them., that is a reference of authority and respect. May you guide them and provide them with protection and support, so that they are in a position to display the emotional stability and mental health that they so require and that gives order to their existence.

“The future of a child is always the work of his mother.”

-Napoleon Bonaparte-

The problem with this type of relationship is that the healthy limit of the mother-daughter relationship disappears.. In principle, this link should be supportive and educational. But an apparent friendship transforms him into a controlling and overprotective bond towards his daughter.

This has the consequence that it will not be possible to build a model of respect and authoritybecause the mother is perceived as a peer.

In this type of relationship, unhealthy and confusing, a high level of insecurity is generated in the daughtersince her decisions are subject to the knowledge and approval of her mother, or else she will feel disappointed.

This sign of overprotection is harmful to the development of the daughter’s personality, since generates a harmful dependency between the two.

The different ways of being a mother

When the authority figure is not clearly understood by the daughter, she will experience a feeling of helplessness.. Self-confidence will be damaged. He will hesitate when he has to make decisions and will compromise his aspiration for independence.

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The fact that the mother-daughter relationship is not one of friends does not at any time mean that it cannot be close and enriching for both. But it’s one thing to be friends and another very different thing to be a mother and daughter..

Without a doubt, a good mother will always seek the best for her daughter. However, this does not give him the right to invade her privacy, with the excuse of approaching her daughter as a friend of hers.

It is essential to understand the origin of this phenomenon. In most cases, This behavior on the part of the mother shows emotional conflicts related to dependency. And in some cases they are accompanied by depression and fear that the daughter will repeat her mistakes. In this sense, the mother must resolve these conflicts on her own or with professional help.

How to improve this relationship?

Daughters know that they don’t necessarily have to obey their friends. For this reason a mother must be loving, but firm at the same time. Furthermore, a daughter does not have to find out about her mother’s intimate problems. This will lead to unfounded fears, sadness and confusion regarding her parents’ relationship.

It is recommended that these types of relationships be transparent. It is important to build trust spontaneously and not as an imposition. Otherwise, a permanent state of anguish and distrust occurs that will degenerate into useless emotional wear and tear, which can be avoided.

On the other hand, both mother and daughter, if they detect possible problems in the other, it is best that they express it. It is not healthy to keep quiet about what may be bothering one person about the other.. It is necessary to express it, always within a climate of sincerity and respect. In this way the relationship will be healthy and free.

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What both must learn

Especially if you are a minor, The daughter must understand that there will be decisions about her life that her mother must make.. Imagine the fury that would be aroused by the fact that these decisions were made by a friend. What you forgive a mother, you may not forgive a friend.

Misunderstandings between mothers and daughters can always be resolved

It is important that the daughter learns to solve her problems and thus gain independence. Let her know that her mother will always be there to support and advise her, as only she knows how to do as a mother. The daughter must also understand that there are aspects of her life that she can keep to herself. That she should not exceed her level of trust, because she has her own story and her own path to follow.

And you, what do you think?