9 Reasons Grandmothers Shouldn’t Raise Their Grandchildren

“The mother creates, the grandparents spoil”. You may have heard that phrase, right? Well, the fact is that, faced with the fact that more and more parents have to work outside the home and the high costs of maintaining a nanny, many parents prefer to delegate the raising of a baby to the grandparents. The problem is that, sometimes, these grandparents do not follow the guidelines of fathers and mothers in relation to how to deal with the little ones. It is at these times that many people immediately think of the saying we have just mentioned. And family conflicts arise. After all, there is a component of generational conflict in this relationship and what is right for the grandparents may not make much sense for the parents and vice versa.

O awesome.club is in favor of family harmony. Therefore, we decided to evaluate the reasons why, according to some experts, it may be more advantageous not to delegate the raising of a child to grandparents.

In the old days, parents bathed their children with water at a temperature of 37 degrees. But, according to current parameters, it’s okay to let children take a bath at temperatures between 33º and 34º or even less. This even helps to strengthen immunity. In the days of the former Soviet Union, children were fed cow’s milk and juices. Nowadays, there are the famous formulas (powdered milk mixtures), which include all the nutrients necessary for growth. A few decades ago, it was also common to wrap a child super tightly in a blanket or blanket. But think about it: is there any living creature on our planet that doesn’t let its baby move? The fact is that, even with advances in Medicine and Early Childhood Education, many grandparents continue to act according to old beliefs. And they guarantee that they will not “hear this nonsense nowadays” or from the Internet.

What to do: don’t be afraid to discuss and explain that life is different today and that many of the beliefs of the past are outdated. Make it clear to the grandmother—whether it’s your mother or mother-in-law—that if she wants to actively participate in her grandchild’s upbringing, it will be according to her rules.

The methods used 30 years ago to raise a child are quite different from today. Many of today’s grandmothers were raised in a time when it was believed that if parents carried the baby too much, they would “spoil the child”, who would grow up spoiled. Therefore, even today, some of them underestimate the importance of showing love and affection.

What to do: It is important to establish, early on, the rules of communication with your child and make them very clear to everyone involved in the child’s life. And this, of course, goes for grandparents, whether maternal or paternal.

Many grandparents sin by the excess of pampering in relation to the little ones. An example: in many homes, it is normal for children to help adults wash the dishes after a meal. Many grandmothers, however, even though this is the tradition in the family, spare their grandchildren these small household chores. The situation becomes even more complex when, in the parents’ house, the rules are stricter. In these circumstances, the child ends up not having clarity about how to act, since the messages that parents and grandparents pass to children are different.

What to do: once again, the point is to talk to the grandparents in an assertive way and make it clear what their line of upbringing is, showing what should be allowed and what should be prohibited. If you notice that grandparents don’t agree with your parameters, try to argue rationally, through articles by recognized authors and scientifically based materials. In general, this type of approach tends to work, since as much as they cling to their own concepts, at the end of the day, grandparents love their grandchildren.

In caring for her grandchild on a daily basis, the grandmother may unwittingly push that fine line between genuine interest in the child’s family and mere eavesdropping. This is that situation in which the mother or mother-in-law starts to express herself about practically everything in the parents’ life: how to cook, what kind of products to buy for the house and even about the entertainment on the weekend. She may even express her dissatisfaction with the fact that the mother works too much and does not spend enough time with her child: “Why are you reading instead of playing with him?”

What to do: set limits. Once again, it is important to make it clear which line your mother or mother-in-law should not cross in the name of good family life. If you’re not willing to listen to grandma’s advice, make that clear at the first opportunity. Otherwise, there is a risk of the situation getting out of hand.

The older generation often has their own vision of parenting and sometimes allows themselves to express it in front of their grandchildren. Imagine the situation: the child is behaving badly and the mother tries to calm him down and even threatens to leave him without sweets. At that moment, the grandmother places herself between the mother and the little one and says: “Don’t listen to your mother! Stop screwing around and let’s go buy ice cream.” Okay, this is a bit of an exaggerated scenario, but it clearly expresses the situation of loss of authority. Faced with a situation like this, children tend to take their parents less seriously, weakening their power to set limits and set parameters.

What to do: It is important to align with all those who participate in children’s daily lives that complaints and comments must be expressed away from their presence. Dirty laundry is washed behind closed doors.

Due to overwork, some parents leave their children with their grandmothers for an excessive period of time, believing that this is the best option for their upbringing. But children learn by copying the behavior of adults. If the parents stay at work for an exaggerated time, relegating their upbringing to the grandparents, it is possible that the child will start to hate this work with all his strength. More: if parents complain about overwork, children tend to become adults who reject hard work. Of course, there are other factors involved in whether or not you like your profession, but your child will have to deal with this stigma right away, which is not a good thing.

What to do: try to adjust working hours to spend more time with your children. Whenever possible, bring the little ones to and from school. Children who grow up in contact with their parents tend to develop positive perceptions, in which hard work is associated with the reward of meeting loved ones. On the other hand, the excessive delegation of upbringing to grandparents tends to develop, in children, the feeling that they are a burden to their parents.

Raising a child requires responsibility in day-to-day decision-making. And if mom and dad don’t assume those responsibilities, grandma and grandpa will fill that vacuum. And, as we have already shown, the way parents and grandparents educate is, by definition, different.

What to do: as a parent, you must assume your duties. If you don’t feel up to the task, at least provide the physical or financial resources for the grandparents—clothes, food, education, or cash. The important thing, however, is to be present and face the responsibilities, if not directly, giving the grandparents a parameter on what to do.

“Boy, look at the wind outside! You won’t go out without a coat!” Who has never heard these phrases from grandma? Grandparents are, in general, super careful with their grandchildren and tend to put several layers of clothing in front of the smallest cold front, for example. That’s just to stay on the folksy side of things; there are others related to excessive care, such as doing the task for the child. Of course, the intention is the best, but in practice, this kind of attitude can cause problems, since, in order to learn (and grow emotionally), the child needs to face and overcome challenges.

What to do: invite your mother or mother-in-law to spend time at your house and let them observe how you deal with the child’s everyday situations. Subtly show the responsibilities you delegate to the little ones and how you act in the face of each challenge your child is posed. So, try to make it clear that this is what you expect of her as a grandmother.

This is another folkloric aspect of how every grandmother treats her grandchild. According to studies, children who live in the care of grandparents have a higher risk of obesity compared to those who live with their parents. Elderly people are easily manipulated by smart children. Most of them know that all it takes is she sheds a tear to gain access to sweets and treats.

What to do: inform grandparents about the risks associated with being overweight, such as allergies, diabetes, heart problems and asthma, among others. It’s possible that your mother or mother-in-law grew up in a time when hunger was a real ghost (especially the older ones, who still remember their parents’ stories about WWII). If that’s the case, point out to her that, these days, experts are most concerned about people’s excess calories, not hunger. In Brazil, for example, more than half of the population (55.7% of people) is overweightaccording to the Ministry of Health.

Love need. The arrival of a grandchild usually coincides with a period when older people begin to feel lonely. In this situation, they tend to “discount” this latent feeling in the form of excessive love for children. To avoid this behavior, try to show your love for your parents or in-laws. Feeling more loved (and they deserve it!) they will be able to establish a healthier relationship with their grandchildren. Need for respect. This is also a phase in which grandparents have generally already retired and, therefore, have lost one of the factors that defined their identity, the job. The “position” of grandfather or grandmother turns out to be the only way to reaffirm one’s competence — unconsciously. If this is your case, try to emphasize how much you respect grandparents for who they are, for their values ​​and for what they have built, and not for the “work” in raising their grandchildren. For a mother, it is difficult to accept the maturation of her child. Therefore, often behind the control and constant criticism by grandparents, there is a reluctance to recognize that their daughter or son has grown up and can make decisions and take care of their own life. Himself…