8 Tips from Divorce Experts to End a Marriage as Painlessly as Possible

A divorce, as we know, can victimize any couple, even those considered inseparable. Who doesn’t remember the separation of William Bonner and Fátima Bernardes? Or Claudia Raia and Edson Celulari, who separated after 17 years? Finally, separation can occur even with the best-known and apparently stable couples.

Divorce is a psychologically complex process that is usually accompanied by an endless number of stressful situations, financial losses and a sudden change in way of life. It is not surprising that the worst characteristics of people are evidenced during this process.

Based on tips from specialized lawyers and psychologists, the awesome.club presents 8 basic principles, with which you will be able to survive the divorce process in a more peaceful way and with less losses.

Divorce is always a traumatic event not only for you but for your spouse, children and even relatives. So, before going through the process, make sure that

You did everything you could to save the relationship.

It is absolutely necessary so that soon, when the emotions cease and the aggravating factors subside, they do not regret the fact that everything could be corrected, improved. Think: have you tried to talk frankly about the discomforts of the relationship? Have you consulted a family psychologist? Did they try to free themselves from private demons? If they come to the conclusion that all attempts at change have failed, then a complex divorce process will be the best option. But believe me: it will be traumatic.

The decision to separate has more pros than cons.

There is a huge difference between breaking up to make your life better (although at first there is some trauma and a lot of sadness) and breaking up just to escape problems. Reckless escape will cause more problems and you will learn nothing from your mistakes. If you’ve thought through all the pros and cons and come to the conclusion that marriage makes you unhappy, take action for a healthier future.

During the divorce process, there will be days when everything seems unbearable and you want to hide, forget everything, disappear. But understand that this is the worst time to do what many do when they are unable to deal with their feelings: some start “treatment” with alcohol, others abuse all kinds of drugs (from harmless to the most dangerous), others they start new relationships (including sexual ones) with “wrong” people.

Each of these options can help you feel better temporarily. But it’s still self-sabotage, and sooner or later you’ll have to pay a heavy price when much bigger problems arise. In the hour of despair, remember an issue we’ve already addressed here: you’ve done everything to preserve your marriage, and you’ve come to the conclusion that it was impossible to save the relationship. Keeping this in mind, take for granted the fact that the only way forward is to just keep going.

The more prepared you are, including from the point of view of bureaucratic procedures, the more likely you are to end the marriage with a favorable outcome. One of the best and easiest ways to do this is to start selecting documents. Structure the material in such a way that you can easily access it.

It is also important to make an inventory of the couple’s properties, with all their records and receipts to facilitate the work of lawyers for both parties. And it’s important to have clarity and honesty, to avoid that situation where the phrase “my good” becomes “my goods”.

Choosing lawyers is a matter that must be approached with extreme caution and intelligence, as they play an important role throughout the divorce process. Remember that not only must you be a competent professional and know the laws, you must also be a person you can trust. Consult the status of your professional registration with the Bar Association. And be aware of the process and fees. The representative entity provides a table of fees on its website. Check if the values ​​are in line with these fees and, if not, report it to the entity.

People often want to vent all their pain and resentment on their ex, but they shouldn’t allow emotions to get in the way. In the end, you could get in the way of your own finances. It’s not worth making a fuss over a 100 reais kitchen table that was bought by your spouse, but neither should you, just in the name of self-pride, renounce the common goods that were acquired during the marriage.

Once you apply for a divorce, you must release your heart and your head of anxiety and anger, try to assume the process with the greatest tranquility and wisdom. Do your best to separate emotions from facts, stop hating and focus on the fair and satisfying outcome.

A separation process is never simple and, to a greater or lesser extent, everyone loses. Therefore, it is worth keeping your word and participating, as calmly as possible, in all stages of the process. As much as you believe you are right about certain issues in the separation, try to remain calm, without creating major conflicts or rushing into arguments that will end in nothing. If you expect your ex-spouse to act civilly, do the same.

Even if there is the possibility of smoothing over some things, the division of ownership will continue to be an energy-intensive process. Many lawyers joke that property division negotiations are a true art. And this process basically involves three moments (even if, technically, there are more): data selection, evaluation and division. The second stage is usually more difficult, as it contains many traps. In any case, the spouses at any time have the opportunity to come to an agreement and divide the property as they see fit.

This point may seem unimportant, especially after endless spending on lawyers, financial advisers, and other specialists. However, you need to pay attention to your appearance. Because? It’s simple: it will help you feel confident when dealing with a judge. Of course, don’t dress too formally. It’s best to stick to neutral colors, use the right amount of accessories, and create a presentable appearance. After all, you will be at an audience, not a party.

As we have already said, a separation process is never a positive thing. Therefore, try to act rationally so that the inevitable wear and tear is as little as possible.

Even people who have no interest in the ex-partner’s assets can be harmed by the decisions of the Justice in this process. So be prepared for the fact that everything can turn out completely differently than you expected. Keep this in mind so you don’t lose control and focus on what really matters.

And, of course, don’t be too discouraged to put all the preparatory work into practice, in order to increase your chances of starting a new chapter of a more comfortable life.