15 Phrases Parents Say To Their Children That May Only Increase The Gap Between These Two Generations

Many problems discussed with a therapist can be the result of good intentions. Most of the time, mothers and fathers want the best for their children, but certain parenting approaches can be more harmful than we realize. In addition, many “bad habits” are passed on from generation to generation and perpetuate some mistakes that, in fact, could be easily corrected.

we, from awesome.club, we selected some of the most disturbing situations during the childhood of many adults to try to understand what effects some words, at first innocent, could cause in the future of those children. Follow up!

Some adults believe that children only become fit when they can support themselves financially. Consequently, until that moment, they do not consider your opinions, your feelings, or your particular needs. The toxic idea that a person is only valuable when he earns money contributes to the development of a generation of compulsive workers.

From a young age, many children grow up with the mentality that everything in their parents’ house does not belong to them and, therefore, they do not feel safe. Depression, anxiety, exhausting feelings of guilt and shame, and low self-esteem are just some of the frequent consequences of such upbringing.

This approach is more conducive to teenagers seeking to leave their parents’ home as early as possible so that they can enjoy a modicum of independence. Even if it’s just a corner in a shared room in a student housing, but as long as it’s “yours”. Such people tend to work a lot, because only then are they really relevant.

Me: “Mom, please knock on the door before entering my room. The lack of personal space is one of the reasons I have anxiety.” Mother: “What do you mean, knocking? You still live in my house! Do you also want me to move out of here so I don’t invade your space?!” © sviatayalojka / Twitter “Everything you have is thanks to me; and you, by the way, also left me. Where have you ever seen yourself wanting to be someone in life without earning a penny!” I heard phrases like 5 to 18 years old. I don’t know how to relax and I have a surreal fear of losing or changing (considering the break) jobs. Also, I have difficulty expressing my emotions to others. © Ксения Герасимяк / “Яндекс.Дзен”

The truth is that, for many parents, children will be their fragile children forever, from 5 to 50 years old. They believe that they are too young to participate in “adult” discussions and that their views do not carry the same weight. They don’t always do this with bad intentions, but such parents can end up depriving their children of developing individuality.

As they grow up, these young people may feel ashamed to express their opinion in the presence of older or higher-ranking people (teachers, directors, bosses). They often feel that their voices are not worthy of attention, and this can have serious future consequences for their studies or career.

My mother loved to say this. When a friend, for example, went to visit her and they talked about a movie, which I had also seen and wanted to comment on, she would say: “Don’t interfere in the adult conversation”. A colleague of hers once couldn’t stand it and retorted: “Why are you talking to the girl like that? What’s wrong with her commenting?!” What my mother insisted on: “She doesn’t have to put her nose in adult talk.” In this case, I was already a teenager. But what I really heard was “your opinion is useless, you’re stupid and don’t understand anything”. © Kaoma777 / AdMe

After the dissemination of the term gaslighting, we know that selectively distorting information can be a form of psychological aggression. Although sometimes without malice, many of us have heard phrases like “You’re making it up! There was none of that” from our parents when they didn’t want to admit their mistakes.

As a result, children begin to doubt their own judgment and memory. The consequence of such an attitude can be very harmful: they do not trust themselves and begin to question their own perception of reality, as they “remember something that never happened”.

I had a client who was kicked out of the house at 13, with only her underwear on her body, by her own mother, who told her: “Get out of here, you have nothing in this house”. Because? Because the girl had the courage to say “This house is mine too!” The neighbors took her in until her mother’s nervous breakdown passed. When the daughter then recalled the situation years later, the mother replied: “It can’t be, I wouldn’t have been able to look at the neighbors more. You must be making it up.” © lfeey / Pikabu

This is indeed a correct mindset, as anyone needs to respect and treat any other individual well, including women. The problem is that many boys grow up with the idea that girls are “untouchable” and that they can’t fight back. Meanwhile, many girls abuse this privilege to insult or assault respectful boys, who learned early on to tolerate such behavior.

As such, some young people grow up afraid of women, as they feel that they cannot verbally retaliate even when the boundaries have been crossed. In this way, an attitude focused on preventing physical violence against a certain group becomes a socially acceptable oppression against another. For some men, it is still very difficult—because of the embarrassment—to complain and report such abuse openly.

You can’t do that to a girl! This phrase is quite stupid and, at the same time, very recurrent in several families. It means any girl can smack a boy over the head, rip up his book and do bullying with him on social media without consequences?! Just because she’s a woman?! © Evgeniya Yavuz-Ponomareva / Facebook

We cannot expect that what is done for the first time, or even the second time, will be done perfectly, without errors. Skill is gained with habit; and it’s part of making mistakes, especially in childhood. It is therefore not acceptable to transfer one’s responsibility for the child’s mistakes if neither the mother nor the father taught him how to do a certain task correctly.

Hearing these reprimands constantly will make the little one stop trying so he doesn’t risk making a mistake again. Furthermore, he or she may feel like the source of the parent’s problems—someone who is insufficient, not worthy of love or respect.

In the mall, there is a teddy bear machine. Yesterday I saw a mother approach with her four-year-old son. She moved her claw on command as he prepared to press the button. She squeezed and, as expected, they didn’t catch anything. At that moment, however, the mother shouted: “Wow, you really don’t do anything right, huh?!” Poor child. © RukaLizo / Pikabu I’ve been told that I couldn’t sing, that I didn’t have the “gift” and stuff like that. Even if it’s true, why tell me like that? I don’t see any sense. Today I’m ashamed to do anything: I feel like I’m not good enough and that I don’t do anything right. © iamal0stcause / Twitter

Many would say that perfection is unattainable, but some parents think otherwise. They set goals so unattainable that, from the very first steps, the child already feels like he is in a marathon. In addition, many do not use incentive tools through positive reinforcement, as they believe that the goals achieved should not be seen as a source of pride, but rather as minimal obligations.

Living in an eternal race for parental ideals does not allow young people to enjoy the process of their hard work. Relaxing, too, becomes a difficulty, as there is always a new level to be reached. Such children get sick and succumb to procrastination with a certain frequency, in addition to feeling stagnant because they are at the mercy of other people’s ambitions.

A friend’s mother told her: “You could do better…”, but never congratulated her on any achievement. For a long time, my friend could not appreciate her own merits. This was true of small things too, as she could always “do better”. Fortunately, later on, she was able to overcome this psychological barrier and came to understand that if she had done something well, she should be happy about it. Whether she could, or should, do better is another question. © Ирмали / AdMe I’ve spent my life trying to do something to earn at least one compliment. At most I received a “congratulations” once a year. The reactions were usually of indifference or contempt. I grew up, therefore, as a very quiet and unsociable child. What’s the point of doing something if no one will appreciate it in the end? © kaddyd / Pikabu

There are other analogues of this phrase, such as “then you change your mind” or “then you forget”. The crux of the matter is that such an approach induces the child to forget about their own desires, or dreams, and not because they are unattainable, but because the parents do not consider them valid enough.

Over time, the child stops dreaming because he believes that his wishes will not come true. She knows that instead of the dreamed doll for Christmas, she will receive that sweater, which “is more useful”; instead of lunch at the restaurant, the mother says that she “has enough food at home” (even if there is no financial problem). Because? Because someone decided so.

I heard “then you change your mind” in response to any request (not necessarily to buy something); and “then it passes” when he complained of some discomfort. Today I am a very tolerant person and I find it very difficult to expand my personal limits. © saasshhha / Twitter

After new members of the family appear, older children often need to mature quickly, as they are not the ones who need the most help, even if the age difference is small. They then gain the responsibility to become wiser, more disciplined, and more independent. And at that moment, it doesn’t matter if the little one is only 2 or 3 years old.

Early and forced maturation benefits no one. On the one hand, such children will be better prepared for adulthood, but the price for success could cost a lost childhood and bad relationships with parents or younger siblings. This in no way contributes to healthy family interactions and often becomes a psychological obstacle to…