11 strategies to stop your negative self-talk

We all have an inner voice with which, in some way, we have conversations, an imaginary self to which we speak and it speaks to us. In some cases, it has a friendly tone and serves as support. However, there are those who live with an internal voice that does not help them. This type of dialogue has consequences on mental and physical health.

Even in times when people think the hostile voice is quiet, it is actually there. However, by applying certain strategies, you can stop your negative self-talk.

The importance of internal dialogue

Often, the importance of internal dialogue is undervalued, it is even thought that our way of thinking does not matter much. However, scientific evidence shows that The way we talk to ourselves has great influence.

Research found that rumination and self-blame for negative events were linked to an increased risk of mental health problems. In fact, it has been shown that negative self-talk can lead to an exacerbation of feelings of depression.

Rantanen et al. (2021) published a study on the effects of verbalization on the autonomous activity of the organism when remembering unpleasant experiences. The results reflected that verbalizing a negative memory had regulatory effects on sympathetic and parasympathetic responses. In simple terms, it helped people stay calm by lowering their heart rate.

On the other hand, Tanck et al. (2021) developed a work in which they evaluated the effectiveness of the mirror exposure technique. More specifically, its effectiveness in addressing emotions, body image, and eating disorders. In their research, the authors made a comparison between positive and negative verbalizations. Among his conclusions, They mention that positive expressions are the best option to promote body satisfaction.

In light of this evidence, we can assess a little better the consequences of maintaining negative internal dialogue. After all, A key aspect is psychological well-being, and negative voices harm it. If you change the way you talk to yourself, you will see a difference.

11 keys to stop negative self-talk

The first thing you should know is that the type of dialogue you have with yourself does not arise suddenly. These internal verbalizations appear from different positive or negative experiences that constitute your belief system. In other words, it is possible to say that it is something you learn over time.

Therefore, You can also learn to maintain a more positive internal dialogue that generates satisfaction.. To achieve this goal, you just need to develop certain habits in your daily life, like the ones we describe below.

1. Pay attention to cognitive biases

Cognitive biases are errors in information processing that produce altered perceptions of reality. There are works, like those of Platt et al. (2015), who talk about the link between these and depression in both young people and adults.

Following this line, Identifying and discarding cognitive biases improves our internal dialogue. An example of this would be catastrophic thinking, which leads people to always imagine the worst possible scenarios. In this situation you might ask yourself: how likely is it to actually happen? You will surely notice that it is something not very rational.

2. Listen to the voice inside you

A common mistake people make is thinking that ignoring the negative is enough to avoid discomfort. In this sense, It is crucial to remember that everything that is not processed properly resurfaces as a symptom.

Start listening to the verbalizations you frequently say to yourself throughout the day.. If possible, write them down in a notebook so you can better understand how your internal dialogue affects your emotions.

3. State your thoughts

To disassociate yourself from something you must know that something and recognize its existence, that is, accept it. The goal of accepting is not to feel better, but to open yourself to the vitality of the moment so that you can move more effectively toward what you value (O’Connell, 2018).

To state a thought you must take it and put it in the following sentence: «I am/I am not…” For example, if you think you are a failure, then affirm “I am a failure”. Immerse yourself in the experience of that thought and allow it to unfold in your body.

Now, take that same thought and narrate it in the following format: “I am having the thought that I am a failure”. This disassociates you from thought, to the extent that it is no longer something you are, but something you have. You are no longer fused with your negative dialogue, you are no longer that and it no longer has the power to define your identity.

4. End with a positive fact.

If you are telling yourself something negative about yourself, instead of trying to fight the thought, acknowledge it. Then, focus on what other facts could also be true. For example, if something has not gone well for you and your internal dialogue harasses you by telling you “I never do anything right”reformulate the idea in a more compassionate and less absolutist way and add, to finish, a positive fact that could also be true: “Yes, I may have made a mistake, but “I can learn from it to make changes next time.”.

5. Distance yourself from negative self-talk

Distance yourself means step away from your thoughts to see them from a broader perspective. This will help you get a more global view of your internal dialogue. David (2020) offers several techniques for distancing yourself. Choose the one you like.

Think about the process: See yourself in a long process and on a path of continuous growth.Look for the contradiction: Embracing and accepting these contradictions improves your tolerance for uncertainty.Laugh: Humor can be a distancing practice, because it forces you to see new possibilities. But don’t use humor to cover up the real pain.Change your point of view: contemplate your thoughts from another person’s perspective.Verbalize what worries you: Identify your thought for what it is (a thought). You can formulate it as “I’m having the thought that…” either “I’m feeling the emotion…»Talk to yourself in the third person: This strategist allows you to go beyond the point of view of your egocentrism and control your reaction.

6. Integrate positive verbalizations into your daily life

Once you identify the negative expressions that make you feel bad, it is time to replace them with positive ones. There are different phrases or mantras that you can apply in different situations to regulate your emotions..

It’s not just enough to recognize negative ideas and discard them, if you want to stop your negative self-talk, you must also include positive things. For example, a typical negative thought might be: ““If something goes wrong, I’m going to be very distressed.”. Instead, you could say “If a problem arises, I will take it calmly and solve it.”.

7. Work on your self-esteem

Your inner voice has a lot to do with your self-esteem. Individuals who constantly direct destructive criticism at themselves often have a poor perception of themselves.

Consequently, a useful strategy for reducing negative talk is have a kinder vision of yourself. Remember that, just as you have weaknesses, you also have strengths that have helped you grow. Try to make a list of your positive and negative qualities so you can have a more realistic perception.

8. Focus on the present

People often tend to worry too much about the future or think too much about the past. If you only think about the things you are missing, what could happen or the mistakes, you will feel discomfort. Also, keep in mind that there is no way to change the past and the future has not yet arrived. Falling into these vicious cycles won’t help you stop your negative self-talk.

When you develop an approach that tends to focus on the present, you increase your ability to respond. and conflict resolution. It is of no use to spend mental and physical energy on a problem that does not exist, or on something that can no longer be modified. Instead, if you approach situations as they arise, you will be able to deal with them better.

9. Stop your thoughts

Thought stopping is a self-control procedure to eliminate obsessive thoughts that inhibit the expression of behavior desired or trigger maladaptive behaviors (Caballo, 1995). Its application is easy. Close your eyes and verbalize the thought. While you’re talking internally scream “Enough!”. This helps you stop thinking about what you were telling yourself internally.

10. Make power statements.

A power statement is a reminder that helps you return to your center. For example, “can you handle this”. These should not be built on illusory positivity, but on grounded and balanced reminders. Keep your power statements somewhere visible:

Put them on sticky notes on your mirror. Use them as your phone wallpaper. Create them as calendar reminders that you send to yourself a couple of times a week.

11. Go to psychotherapy

Finally, consider receiving psychological support to address your emotional discomfort. The consultation is a space in which the causes of negative dialogue can be studied in depth and its function understood. In this way, the psychologist or psychotherapist will be able to use different techniques to help you develop a kinder inner voice.

Finally, it should be noted that sometimes Negative self-talk can be related to clinical conditions such as depression or anxiety. In these cases, psychological or psychiatric intervention will always be the best alternative. Not only to stop negative self-talk but also in order to treat the psychological condition.

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