+101 Sarcastic and Ironic Phrases about Love and Life –

Memory has a gift: it remembers especially what we want to forget.

It’s not that I don’t want to know, it’s that I don’t care.

The more I am with you, the more I want to be alone.

I respect your shitty opinion.

During my childhood, I prayed every day to have a new motorcycle. But when I found out how things worked, I stole one and prayed to the Lord for forgiveness.

We have a great government. That’s why it cost us so much money…

I would like to be your best stranger.

I may have drunk too much, but tomorrow I will be back to normal and you will still be ugly.

Luck is the great ally of my enemies when they are successful.

Memory has a gift: it remembers especially what we want to forget.

I know how to multitask, but I’m better at avoiding multitasking.

Ever since you cheated on me, I’ve wanted to jump off a cliff, but I’m not going to do it because I don’t have wings, only horns.

Do you want to be productive? Change your personality.

You can’t be one in a million, because that would mean you are like seven million other people in this world.

I will not allow my teachers to interfere with my thinking.

I may have drunk too much, but tomorrow I will be back to normal and you will still be ugly.

If you don’t learn to smile on your own, I can help you by doing it for you.

It is enough to make me happy so that my weakness allows you to play with my feelings.

Human beings are extraordinary. He knows how to identify a stone when he has tripped over it for the second time.

Your ear may know how to listen to your friends, but your brain is always thinking about something else.

You didn’t disappoint me because I never expected anything from you.

Marriage is the principal cause of divorce.

I won’t go to your funeral, but that doesn’t mean I don’t approve.

What if I’m still in love with you? I’m not going to respond to such stupidity.

Your absence has left me a void… just like your presence.

I don’t usually forget a face, but I’ll make an exception for you.

He has no enemies, but his friends don’t even want to see him in painting.

Immortality is not achieved by remaining in the memory of others. It is achieved by not dying.

Maybe I have changed my position, but I am still right.

Stay by my side, I love solitude.

You are one of those routines that I would like to get rid of.

Why do priests give us so many lessons about sex, if they haven’t tried it?

The best thing I can receive from you is your absence.

Do you want to be productive? Change your personality.

Life is gray before it turns totally black.

If you marry me, I swear not to look at other orcs.

I’ve had a wonderful day, but it wasn’t today.

The only thing that matters is that they talk about you, even if it’s good.

I am not vegan out of respect for animals; It’s just that I can’t stand plants.

If you want to hit the target, shoot and then make what you hit your target.

Psychologists give you the same advice as a friend, but for a lot of money.

It is better for them to say bad things about you than to say nothing at all.

When I was little, my parents assured me that anyone can become president of a nation. Today I confirmed that it is true.

You don’t need a doctor to help you, but good plastic surgery.

Sow memories and you will collect tears.

Unfortunately, the wisdom of a society emerges when we have exhausted all resources.

Almost all Americans are idiots.

I would take you seriously, but that would be an insult to your stupidity.

Poor universe, if we are the only intelligent beings that inhabit it.

An action speaks much louder than a thousand words, but not so often.

I used to put you on a pedestal. Now I will raise that pedestal to the highest, so I don’t have to see you.

Why do you talk so much about freedom? If you are always imitating others…

Inside me there is as much hate as there once was love. Was there?

I wouldn’t kill you, but I read the obituaries every day in case your name appears.

Why do you tell me “I love you” if when you leave you are thinking about someone else?

First analyze the situation, then alter the data however you want.

Television is an inexhaustible source of knowledge. When I turn it on, I go to another room to read a book.

The worst thing anyone can tell you is to be yourself.

If you think words awaken feelings, it’s because you’ve never lived.

You claim to be yourself, while behaving like your idols.

I like trips with no return. I would buy a ticket from all the people I hate.

Your opinion is so important to me that instead of using it, I’m going to frame it.

What a shame that I became friends with you, I wish friends could be returned.

I don’t understand how that inept person can be a deputy, pardon the redundancy.

If you have a clear conscience, it means that you do not have a good memory.

I hope Cupid’s next crush is more successful.

Yours has been a catastrophic achievement.

I have never allowed myself to be indoctrinated at school.

I haven’t talked to my girlfriend in a while so as not to interrupt what she’s doing with “the other one.”

You were eternal for a few weeks.

If playing with me was a sport, you would be an Olympic champion.

So many injuries have only made me stronger.

My worst mistake was smiling at you when you complimented me.

You walked away from me when I needed you most and you came back when I didn’t care about you anymore.

That I’ll never find anyone like you? That’s the key!

I don’t miss you, but who I thought you were.

I was swimming through a sea called Woman and I ended up drowning.

You’re a princess but you don’t remember which man you lost the crown to.

I told him “give me everything you want”, and all I got were lies.

Did you say that your pride makes love to you better than me?

-What you’re wearing doesn’t look good on you at all. +The what of it all? -Your pride.

If you don’t like the way I am, you know where the door is.

Infidelity is a consequence of your abuse, moving me towards abstinence.

Don’t swear to me something you’re not going to keep.

A lady like you will never hurt me, because I play chess.

You are perfectly full of imperfections.

When I think about who you left me for, I don’t know if I laugh or feel sorry.

I’m not cold, I just now think more with my head than with my heart.

You have pushed me so many times from the top, that I have become rubber to bounce off the ground.

Spending all day criticizing me is not going to make you better than me.

I’m not crying, I’m just detoxing from the love I felt for you.

Yesterday I would have traveled the entire world for you. Today I wouldn’t even get out of bed.

Do you know why you don’t appear in the dictionary? Because you don’t mean anything.

-I just realized that I have lost something. +The what? – All the time I spent with you.

You are the best example that men do not think with their brains.

From now on I will give you the same as I receive from you.

-Honey, why are you sneezing so much lately? +Because I’m allergic to your lies.

Don’t worry: yesterday I cared about your opinion, today I don’t care at all.