What to do when kids catch their parents having sex?

Certainly, being caught during sex is in the top 5 most embarrassing situations. Even worse when the one at the bedroom door is your son or daughter, right? Parents are concerned about how children will react to information that is not part of their childhood reality.

But it’s not just the little ones who get lost. Adults are also unlikely to be prepared to face the situation: is it better to make up an excuse or speak the truth? What if I pretend nothing happened?

we talked with the neuropsychologist and specialist in developmental psychology Deborah Mosswhich helped us put together a “manual” with guidelines on what to do – and also what not to do – to deal with the embarrassment that dominates everyone involved in this “strange” moment.

Calm down, dads! solve by steps

At the moment of surprise, do not try to anticipate any solution. The best thing to do is wait for the child’s reaction, who may be amused, very embarrassed or scared. It is very important to accept this response – to understand that she is acting according to her age and maturity.

Remember: it’s a time to deal with embarrassment, after it passes, both adults and children will reorganize themselves. Oh, no screaming, okay? Be careful not to discount the bad feeling of shame you are feeling on the child, who may have entered without knocking on impulse, which is normal at this stage.

Only after the scare has passed is it time to put into words what happened. Pretending that nothing happened is not the way, something, even if simple, has to be said!

The conversation goes according to the demand of each child

But how to resume the conversation about the embarrassing situation? Parents need to hear from the child what he understood and from there explain and answer what is being questioned.

Age and maturity greatly interfere with understanding. Children younger than 5 years old do not have the least contact with sexuality and the erotic issue, so they will be confused and may have different interpretations: deciphering the scene they saw as an episode of aggression, for example.

That’s why dialogue and a simple explanation are important, removing all fantasies behind it and stating that the bust will not happen again: “It’s the way adults date, exchange affection and it’s not right for children to see it, it’s something particular of the couple. Next time, we’ll be careful not to happen again.”

Around the age of 7, they begin to understand the relationship between couples a little better, which can cause even more embarrassment than in minors. Respect that feeling and be open to the conversation. If he doesn’t bring up the subject, try at least something brief, like, “Is everything okay? Mom and Dad (or us dads/ us moms) were dating.”

Sometimes, the child will not want to talk at that moment or the episode will not be resolved in just one chat, but no problem, always provide support when doubts arise.

Also, it is important to explain about privacy. Say that you should always knock on the door before entering the room. And, of course, set an example, notifying before entering the room that they are playing too.

locked door

A case that happened punctually will not leave trauma or great anguish in the child, if there is acceptance and conversation. The big problem is in the little ones who are always in contact with these situations and are not prepared to understand, creating fantasies in their heads, without any clarification. When in doubt, lock the door and be careful not to happen again. Everything is fine.