“My thoughts reproduce themselves all the time like a freight train at full speed inside my head. It’s tormenting. It’s desperate. That’s why I’m so tired.”
When I read those words, I confess I was touched. Anxiety is a very harsh reality, and many people struggle with it all the time.
A woman named Laura shared on her personal Facebook profile: a letter dedicated “to the man whose wife or girlfriend has anxiety.”
Anyone suffering from anxiety will relate to her words as she describes what it’s like to live with this illness and how grateful she is to her husband for being by her side at these times.
Here is the letter:
“You may have heard that she has anxiety when she’s sitting next to you in a doctor’s office, holding your hands as tears stream down her face. You may have seen her get pissed off and end up freaking out because she’s overworked. Wondering where that anger came from.
You may have seen her sitting silently looking at the horizon with panic in her eyes. You might have guessed it, or she might have told you, but either way there are things you should know.
Anxiety is sizeless, inconsistent, and not always easy to notice. You might think she was rude to you but it was anxiety that made her respond that way, you might think she’s angry but it’s anxiety that has a strangling force, you might think she’s not having fun when you guys leave and it’s your fault but it’s not. It’s anxiety.”
The “letter” describes the worst-case scenarios that travel through the everyday minds of people dealing with anxiety, thinking about everything that could go wrong and worrying about what to do if it does. The letter also expresses the fear that, due to our anxiety, we are more difficult to love or unworthy of such a feeling. “I want you to know that I see this is hard for you,” she says.
“It’s hard to see your loved one hurt. But don’t think for a second that she doesn’t see you, don’t think she doesn’t care about you either. She even looks forward to you. She knows it’s not her fault, and she knows you want to fix her, and in the way she wants to help her. But you can’t fix it. She’s not broken.”
There are things men can do that will help their partners with anxiety a lot.
Hold her hand and tell her you’ll be there so she can sit and breathe when she needs it. Every gesture is felt and appreciated beyond words.
Don’t make her feel bad about missing an appointment, a party, whatever. She wanted to go but couldn’t and she’s sorry about it. Tell her it’s okay, that you’re there for her.
Even if those who suffer from anxiety don’t know what they need, the letter says that Patience and love are what really matters. Anxiety is painful and consumes a lot of energy.
Know that there are good days, but there are also really bad days and what they want you to know is:
She thanks you, she loves you. She’s vulnerable and scared, but…she’s known from the day she met you that you were the only one worthy of helping her with all her imperfections. She will love you with all her heart and you know it. And just as you are by her side, she will be by hers and will be fiercely faithful and will never let you down.
The only thing you need to do is hold her hand and tell her: “I’m with you.”
With anxiety you don’t play! So, if you suffer from this disease, here are some more tips that can help you:
How to deal with the insecurity and anxiety that consume your relationship?
17 Things People With Anxiety Wish Their Partners Knew
Anxiety Attack: When No One Understands What Happens to Me
With Knowledge Comes Wisdom
Walk comfortably in both Darkness and Light with these digital Books of Shadows: