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The marriage is over, now what?

There are many reasons that lead people to commit to the marriageand contrary to what we imagine, it is not always passion that unites couples.

We see that passion is the initial step in relationships, but when we look more closely at the stories about unions, the reasons are different, as they involve a number of different contexts, from person to person, even the parts of a couple.

Leaving the parents’ house, the rigid or cold regime, where the lack of affection prevails is still a strong reason that lead many people to connect to another, at other times, it is the need to have someone who feels safe to continue their life. life, because it only changes the dependence of the country, for the husband.

We can raise a series of situations here, but the important thing is to understand how this has been happening.

When we get married, we think we have found the ideal person, and we live in a state of total ecstasy, imagining that somehow we were rewarded, that the universe chose us to live this infinite love. This process often takes months, sometimes years, until one day we stop, and as if almost magically, we realize that everything is falling apart.

Some people face the wedding as the final stretch for a series of difficulties, but this is the first sign of failure. In a relationship for two, we cannot put aside our personal problems, flaws and difficulties, they go along, and little by little they become very apparent.

We realize that nothing has changed, we just left one house and went to another, and we have to look carefully at this process. Our view of the partner changes, the idealization of the perfect couple falls, and we are faced with the reality we create.

When these issues are added to the partner’s difficulties, this becomes complicated, and the relationship will require a good dose of maturity from the couple to be able to look and see what are the possibilities of changing this situation.

However, it is clear that today with the cultural and social changes we are experiencing, we are no longer stuck in weddings as in the past, because we have the possibility of starting over, looking for new paths.

The divorce rate hit a new record in the country in 2010, which shows that couples who decide to end their marriage are increasingly opting for direct divorce rather than going through the separation process first. This is what the Civil Registry Statistics survey, released this Wednesday by the IBGE (Brazilian Institute of Geography and Statistics) points out.

In addition to the common causes that occur in separation processes such as: betrayal, physical and verbal aggression, loss of sexual interest, alcoholism, abandonment, today we see that people have more courage to disconnect from their partners, because they see that they are not walking at the same time, and yes, each one has their own interests, often losing even the link that maintains communication between the couple.

Assessing how the marriage is doing and realizing that there are no more ties of love, respect, or even interests, is the first step in thinking about the real separation.

As our culture has been changing the view on separation, the woman no longer carries the stigma of being separated, made it possible to increase the rate of new marriages. Remarriages (marriages in which at least one of the spouses was divorced or widowed) totaled 18.3% of unions, an increase in relation to 2000 (11.7%), according to the IBGE.

Luciana Kotaka

Psychologist and specialist in Eating Disorders has been working for over 14 years. She is a reference in this area for carrying out activities focused on treatments that involve the direct relationship between weight disorder and psychology. CRP: 08/06502-1

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