Anyone who talks about sex with friends or participates in debates out there may have already left with some doubts. After all, what sexual frequency would be considered “normal”? Some people say they need sex constantly, another part is more relaxed about the subject, managing to maintain themselves for longer periods without the activity.
And that’s where the doubts arise. As with almost everything related to sex, when you see that other people don’t behave the same way, your certainties can shake. And also like everything in sex, this frequency is a personal matter and depends on the experiences and needs of each one.
In fact, female sexual frequency is closely related to her moment in life, to the type of relationship the woman is experiencing, in addition to past sexual experiences, explains Valéria Cavallari, Clinical Psychologist and Psychotherapist: “The same woman, in different moments of your life can have a low or high sexual frequency and this does not depend on your age. She may be in an unsatisfactory marital relationship and this will contribute to a low sexual frequency. Likewise, if she is in a satisfactory marital relationship, sexual frequency will be higher. There is a close relationship between married life and sex”.
Does age influence sexual frequency?
According to research, two factors are most significant when it comes to sexual frequency: age and type of relationship. Married women tend to have a more active sex life, while single women say they practice much less. Age groups also show substantial differences, such as a sharp drop after age 50.
“It is natural for the number of relationships to decrease throughout life. Some factors that contribute to the drop in desire can be physical (such as the drop in hormones) or psychological, which affect 70% of women, such as the feeling of rejection, loss of vanity, excessive concern for children. , the lack of complicity between the couple, among others”, says Dr. Cristiane M. Maluf Martin, Psychoanalyst specializing in Couples Therapy.
But these same surveys show that despite getting older, women in stable relationships continue to have sex even if the amount is reduced. On the other hand, single young women have very low numbers. This may mean that much of the female sexual frequency does not depend only on age, but mainly on the type of relationship.
How much sex is enough?
The frequency of sex can depend on a number of physical, emotional and even social factors. We have already talked about age and type of relationship and how much they can influence in this regard. In the tables below we can see a survey by the Kinsey Institute that presents sexual frequency divided by age and relationship status according to men and women. The numbers correspond to the percentage of men and women who answered each option.
In the table below are the data provided by the men who participated in the survey on the sexual frequency of those who are in a relationship and who are not. Comparing both tables, it is possible to notice that the difference between the data is small. Watch:
These are quantitative and not qualitative research numbers. So don’t worry if your situation is not the same as shown in the surveys. After all, the only certainty is that everyone has their physical and emotional needs.
“There is no scientific research that proves how much sex is enough for women. Women, for the most part, think about sex differently than men. Women are much more mental, while men are absolutely visual. Sex starts in women’s heads. Therefore, they expect more from sex than the act itself. Frequency is what matters the least. Above all, there is quality”, declares Valéria Cavallari.
Dr. Cristiane Martin agrees and adds that there is no rule for sexual frequency. “We can’t fix the ideal number of relationships as it depends a lot from person to person. When we talk about sexual intercourse we are talking about the sexual act between two people and not an individual act like masturbation. Therefore, several factors come into play, mainly the bond, desire and intimacy of the couple and this is what will define the frequency of relationships between them”.
How do you know if your sex life is healthy?
What can be said about sexual frequency are statistics based on research. Each person has (and can have, without being different) their preferences and references, rarely being a physical or psychological problem. It will be up to you to realize if your situation gets to a point that really bothers you and seek medical analysis.
The amount of sex indicated is only necessary to meet your needs, whether physical or emotional, and does not fit into tables. More or less desire for sex than the numbers doesn’t mean you have any form of dysfunction, unless it reaches critical levels.
1. Is sex being done for both of you?
Psychologist Valéria Cavallari warns that if you are constantly submitting to your partner’s wishes, you could be corrupting yourself. “Sex is an exchange of positive energy and it’s good when everyone is in the mood. So if you are frequently having sex without wanting to, you are being abused or you are letting yourself be abused. Many women go through this and don’t have the courage to change this condition. But it is important to know that the situation can become unsustainable and cause problems”.
2. Is the problem physical or emotional?
Sex and married life rarely go hand in hand. One has the ability to influence the other and affective problems can interfere with sexual life and vice versa, as explained by Dr. Cristiane: “Sexual difficulties can considerably affect people and internal relationships. Sexual functioning does not imply only certain physiological responses, but a whole set of situational, personal and relational variables.”
3. Is it too little?
The answer is psychologist Valeria. “Everyone has their rhythm, their time and their needs, but if you don’t miss sex at all, it’s possible that something is wrong. Sex is part of life and one of our most basic needs. Okay, we can sublimate it, but it’s usually done by people who live a celibate lifestyle. But if this was not your choice, stop and rethink what may be happening and, if necessary, seek professional help.”
4. Or is it too much?
Sex is important and it’s good for you, but everything has limits and it’s always good to be aware that it doesn’t turn into an addiction. If you lose focus on other important areas of your life like work, family or health because of your sex, you may need to seek psychological help.
5. Was it good for you?
Regardless of how much sex you have, single, married or hooked up, young or mature, it’s your satisfaction that should be the rule. So whether you do a lot or you do a little and you’re okay with it – and, in the case of committed women, it’s okay for your partner too – there’s nothing to worry about.
For each moment of a woman, each phase, the importance of knowing our own body and also our own history can make all the difference for choosing partners that please us more and treat us well, as well as for a happier and healthier sex life. . Take care of yourself, keep your self-esteem high and enjoy your power of seduction at any age.
The opinion of married and single
“When I’m single, I end up doing little, I spend up to three months with nothing because I don’t like what they call casual sex. But when I’m dating that number goes up to at least twice a week, which I think is a minimum frequency to meet my needs in normal times”. Vanessa, 26 years old, student. Falling in love.
“Twice a week is fine. It doesn’t always last as long as I’d like. But I think ten minutes of love is better than ten hours of shit.” Andrea, 36 years old, accountant. Married.
“For me the more the better. Until getting tired! At least once a week when I’m single, and when I’m dating, every day. I get grumpy when I’m not having sex, the hair looks bad and so does the skin.” Juliana, 33 years old, businesswoman. In a complicated relationship.
“I don’t think there’s this ideal frequency. I think I have more cravings before my period. I usually have long periods without sex, two to three months. In the beginning it is more needed. If you already had an active sex life, you tend to want the same constancy.” Pearl, 29 years old, journalist. Single.
“When I was married, the frequency was two to three times a week. Single, it has decreased a lot because it has been difficult to find nice people. But I think a reasonable number would be five times a week.” Monica, 50 years old, singer. Divorced.
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