Need: discover the limit of this feeling

Emptiness, sadness, lack of affection. People everywhere look happier than you. And what’s worse, no one appears to get her out of this darkness she accidentally got herself into. Oops! Are you waiting for someone to hold your hand for affection and attention? For this has a name: deficiency! And to get out of this, only one person can help. No, it’s not Prince Charming who will come on a white horse. It’s you. “Deficiency has to do with the excessive importance we give to other people”, says psychiatrist Luiz Alberto Py.

Sometimes, the person wants affection from the husband, a kiss from the children. But this cannot be a constant. The main causes of deficiency are: insecurity, fear of loneliness and lack of self-esteem. “People think that if they were cool, they wouldn’t be alone. But you have to take the reins of your own life, and not expect that from the other”, advises Py.

So no betting on the husband, children or anyone else. You need to be happy to be loved by everyone. So take care of yourself, and the affection you expect from others will follow.

5 ways to fight poverty

1. Don’t be afraid of loneliness
Husband left, children too, are you home alone? Take the opportunity to read a book, listen to that song your children hate, watch the soap opera in peace. Enjoy your moment.

2. Do a self-analysis
Many times, the person thinks that others are moving away from him, that everyone is to blame for his lack. “She needs to analyze whether it is she who is moving away from people, often because she is unable to express her feelings or for any other reason”.

3. Exercise
Go for walks, ride a bike, or just climb the stairs in your building. Physical activity increases the production of the hormone that gives a feeling of well-being.

4. Don’t pull away from your friends
When a woman gets married, it’s natural for her friends from her single days to move away. But don’t let that happen. Book a coffee or dinner with them once a month at least. This will always leave her with a fond memory of the time when she was single and happy, even alone.

5. Have a pet
He is always willing to give and receive affection, without demanding anything in return. And you learn a noble lesson: love without charges.

Mental exercise to overcome affective deficiency

The exercise below was created by holistic therapist Izabel Telles, a graduate of The American Institute for Mental Imagery in New York (USA):

Sit in a quiet place, close your eyes and imagine a giant wall made of stones in front of you. On that wall are all the feelings in the world. Inhale deeply and, using the power of your thinking, break the wall as you exhale. Now mentalize love (which can be represented by a color, a person, etc.). Breathe and open your eyes.

Repeat this exercise once a week, or whenever you feel like it. and you will feel better.

3 serious mistakes of the needy

Surrender your heart and happiness into someone else’s hands.
When single, the person believes that, by finding their great love, the need will end. Already married, she thinks that if her husband paid more attention to her, everything would be resolved. Anyway, it’s never good. So, either he begins to demand more and more love from the other or he takes that frustration out on addictions, such as overeating, smoking, drinking, shopping. Everything that, besides not solving it, complicates her life even more.

Deposit the deficiency in sweets.
Mothers sweeten their babies’ milk in bottles. Already older, when they behave well, they deserve a candy. That is, sugar is directly linked to affection. And, if there is a shortage, sweets can be the compensation. But the reality is different. In addition to not filling the void they feel, the sweet still leaves the needy with weight on their conscience, because of weight gain.

Suffocate who really loves you.
Be it a son, husband, friend… When feeling needy, the person ends up giving himself entirely to the other, offering affection, pleasures, pampering, and giving up his own life. Only, by putting themselves last on the priority list, that person ends up paying a high price and feels increasingly needy. And, of course, later he will charge the object of his attention with boundless dissatisfaction or excessive jealousy. You must always put your needs first, to then love those who are by your side.

In fiction…

If she had taken all these precautions, Norma (Gloria Pires) would not have been deceived by the scoundrel Léo (Gabriel Braga Nunes), in “Insensato Coração”. After she became a widow, the nursing technician stopped taking care of herself, she accepted being mistreated by her boss and lost hope of being happy. Leo arrived as the lifeline. Of course she gave herself up. “A child needs to be taken care of. Not an adult”, emphasizes the psychiatrist.