Movies that help talk about sexual abuse with children

In 2015, the Brazilian internet was flooded with reports of sexual harassment suffered by women, most of them when they were still children. It all started with the obscene tweets directed at a participant, just 12 years old, of MasterChef Junior, by Band. “About this Valentina: if there is consensus, is it pedophilia?”, said one of them. The case triggered the emergence of campaigns that encourage the public to give their testimony. The NGO Think Olga created #PrimeiroAssedio, which monitored almost 90,000 testimonies. Promoted by CLAUDIA, #TemQueFalar brought to light almost 60 stories from readers who preferred not to expose their identity on social networks.

The commotion highlighted an urgency: We need to talk about harassment with our children. But how? Rare are the schools that risk entering this area, and families have little education and, at the same time, are very afraid to deal with such a delicate subject. With that, the theme is left aside, which only fuels the risk. A survey carried out in the United States showed that one in six boys and one in four girls will be abused in their lifetime. And, according to the Ong Childhood Brasil, which combats sexual violence against minors, only 10% of victims do not know the criminals. “Avoiding sexual harassment against children requires tackling taboos”, says psychoanalyst Rose Miyahara, training coordinator at the Reference Center for Victims of Sexual Violence at Instituto Sedes Sapientiae, in São Paulo. “One of them is the fact that it can run in the family. You have to keep an eye out.” According to her, abusers usually cannot hide the most discreet signs, such as looks or statements in which form and content do not match. It is when an uncle, for example, says: “What a beautiful ass this girl has!”, with a childlike compliment, but a clearly sexual nature. It is up to the parents, especially the mother, to accept that this is possible and to remain attentive.

Instead of becoming paranoid and keeping children away from family or social life, it is recommended to prepare them to identify harassment, try to stop it and ask for help. Such education begins early, at home. One of the first steps: teaching children to name body parts in an age-appropriate way and, at the same time, guide them on what is intimate and should only be touched by them or their parents, exclusively during hygiene or care with health. As soon as possible, from 4 or 5 years old, they can already learn to wash their genitals on their own and understand that this is their task alone. “At that age, children need to know that their sexual organs are theirs alone and must be kept safe”, says Anna Flora Werneck, responsible for Knowledge Management at the NGO Childhood Brasil. “Make the notions of what is public or private very clear.”

From the moment the child starts to attend friends’ houses and other circles without parents, instruction should be more direct and objective. Given the seriousness of the issue, an exception is made to a master rule in education: answer only what your children ask. When the subject is sexual harassment, it is not advisable to wait for questions to arise. Even because, when that happens, it can be a sign that something is already wrong. At this stage, parents need to make it clear what they can and cannot do. Talk to the child and explain the various situations that indicate that someone is molesting him.

With the onset of adolescence, as children become independent and rebellious, everything gains control. So keep the dialogue open from an early age. If the adult has so much difficulty getting into the subject that dialogue seems impossible, he himself should seek specialized help. A study recently published in the Journal of the American Medical Association showed that teens who talk to their parents about sex tend to engage in safer behaviors, such as using condoms. “It’s still important to treat sex as something natural, pleasurable, yes, but that requires care”, says Rose Miyahara. Parents can’t be afraid to come across as boring. They need, whenever appropriate, to express their opinion on what is appropriate or not, imposing rules and limits without depriving their children of exploring the world. “Young people should be assured that when they are at risk, no matter how absurd the act they or their friends have committed, they can seek help from their parents,” says the expert. With that certainty, they will be prepared to run away from trouble. It is also necessary to be attentive to the reports of the children and to sudden changes in behavior. “The child gives signs. Be open to perceiving them”, warns Rose. Among the most common symptoms are pain or difficulty going to the bathroom, persistent urine infections, lack of appetite, exaggerated drowsiness or sudden apathy. If the suspicion is confirmed, report it and ask for help. There are three channels for this: the police station, dial 100 and the tutelary council.

The heat of the moment can give a feeling of impotence and imminent danger. Preventing sexual violence, however, is a daily job that is successful in most cases. This task is worth facing.

to start the conversation

Films that help open dialogue and clarify doubts about the subject

defend yourself

Produced by the campaign of the same name, the series is available on the website defende-se.com. The short videos deal with child-appropriate language on topics related to the prevention of sexual violence, such as measures to protect oneself, report it and also how to differentiate affection from abuse.

Indication – From 5 years old.

What Abuse Is This? and What Exploitation Is This?

Resulting from the partnership between the NGO Childhood Brasil, which fights sexual violence, and Canal Futura, the videos (published on YouTube) mix simple dialogues between puppets, in a scenario that recalls a village, with interviews with specialists in the subject. It is excellent both for answering questions from adults and for helping families to address the issue.

Indication – From 12 years old.

Men, Women & Children

Centered on a group of students at a school and their parents, the film, by the same director of Amor sem Scales and Juno, shows how the internet can put relationships at risk, exposure to crimes and sexual disturbances. While the harassment is a side story, the drama is a good opportunity to reassess behaviors and open up a dialogue at home about such sensitive topics.

Indication – Teenagers.

Trust

Directed by David Schwimmer (Ross, from Friends), the film is a faithful portrayal of cases of abuse in which victims are led to doubt that they have even suffered violence. A girl on the verge of 14 starts chatting online with a man. He claims to be a teenager, and she only discovers the truth when she meets him.

Indication – Teenagers.