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Lover’s role: choice and risks |

That person who accepts the role of lover usually ends up being stigmatized, under the eyes of judgment and condemnation of others, especially those who have already been betrayed.

Seen as the villain, the home wrecker, the lover ends up carrying the guilt, whether imposed by others or himself, of spoiling relationships for his own pleasure.

Each case is unique and there is no way to make generalizations, however, a question always remains in the air: what really leads someone to assume the role of lover?

Some people consciously choose to be in a relationship with someone who already has another stable relationship and even their own family. They claim that they prefer to enjoy only the positive side of the relationship without having to experience what they consider the negative side: coexistence, routine, responsibilities.

Despite being satisfied, are they really happy? Or has it become a safety zone? We often settle for “more or less” happiness to avoid taking the risks involved in the pursuit of complete happiness.

internal imbalances

On the other hand, there are those who do not want to relate to committed people, but only have suitors who are already in another relationship.

Bad luck? In previous articles we shared the view that we are not only physical beings, but we also have other subtle levels, such as emotional, mental and spiritual.

Even if we consciously do everything in the physical aspect to remove compromised people, we can carry issues and patterns that escape our conscious perception, which lead us to attract such people as an opportunity to realize which aspects of ours are unbalanced and that we need to work within ourselves.

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The relationship with committed people can demonstrate, for example, fear of relating and even difficulty in committing to the other (and not the opposite, as we might think).

Many people hope for a relationship and swear they are ready to experience a healthy relationship, but we may have negative memories of old relationships or obsessive and suffocating partners.

They may harbor bad feelings generated, for example, by having witnessed their parents’ imprisoning marriage (or other very close people) and carry the unconscious belief that deep affective bonds imprison and suffocate.

Unnoticed mechanisms of low self-esteem can also lead to attracting already committed partners as a form of self-assertion. After all, even having a relationship, the partner prefers the other person.

It is the lover who gives pleasure and enjoys the good times with him, who left his official partner to be there.

choices and consequences

These are some of the many questions and aspects that can lead someone to be the lover. There is no right or wrong, but choices and consequences.

If we want to live well with ourselves, we need to learn to take responsibility for our choices – with all their positive and negative aspects. This generates continuous maturation: we learn to deal with our decisions without running away from the responsibilities generated by each one of them.

All situations and people in our lives reflect the quality of energy that is in us. If something is disharmonious out there, giving us unpleasant feelings, some unbalanced energy within us is involved in the issue.

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It is up to us to learn to interpret which feelings and distorted patterns these situations outside indicate and signal inside.

Therefore, before falling into judgment, it is worth reflecting:

If you are or have been cheated on: before asking yourself why that person wants to “steal” your partner, ask yourself what issues have led you to experience such a situation. If you have a lover: before enjoying the relationship, ask yourself what you really want, what makes you have two concurrent relationships. If you play the role of a lover: before feeling guilty or regretting being involved with someone committed, ask yourself what makes you live in such a situation.

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