Hey, ___________.

I want to tell you that it was a shame, I could still make you laugh at my nonsense, take the luggage you didn’t learn to say goodbye, throw it all away and make you, once and for all, even if it was so complicated, if feel free and safe with me.

It was a shame because I was still going to give you a lot of those wet kisses, make you run your finger around the corner of your mouth and smile softly asking for more.

It was a shame because I wanted to go out with you other times and many times drag you to know places you’ve never seen before, introduce you to every person you didn’t know as my new love and thank you for doing me so well.

I wanted to take you away from here, to a land without law, to an island without a king, to a world of our own, you know? I wanted to tell you that everyone has cried at one time, I wanted to calm you down, tell you that everything would be okay with me. I wanted to dry all your tears and explain to you that I wouldn’t be another reason for you to complicate your feelings and distrust mine.

And it was a shame, really, because I thought I’d trick the building manager, steal the key to the penthouse and take you to see my sunset. Because I was ready to go out at dawn to see you, I was about to lose sleep, to sleep after three talking to you and calling you the next day to know if everything is okay.

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It was a shame because I planned to hold you in my arms after those wines I ran to the market to buy when you said you’d come and I waited for you to arrive. You never came back.

It was a pity.

It was a shame because I planned to go to your graduation, participate in your birthday and be quoted in your speech thanking me for all the hours I spent by your side. I was hoping you would call me to talk a little about the two of us and say that you were the best thing that happened this year.

It was a shame because I really wanted to introduce myself to your parents, sing you a song to sleep, sleep with you when you were lonely, squeeze you when you threatened to leave. It was a shame because I was willing to be yours forever, to heal you, to want you, to love you and to take care of you as I always wanted someone to take care of me.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I didn’t write you any letter other than this one. Because we didn’t say goodbye properly and until now, we don’t understand what exactly happened to us. I’m sorry because I couldn’t see you with those pants I helped you choose, and because I had to change love for your name on the agenda, and for not calling you mô anymore when you called me to say you’d pick up the book you left here .

I’m sorry because I changed my cell phone wallpaper, because it deletes our last conversation and if any words I said hurt you, I apologize. I’m sorry for having to take you out of my life, like this, unintentionally. I’m sorry because your mother called me last week asking me to have lunch with you and I didn’t accept. I’m sorry she thought it was just a silly fight and we’d settle it as quickly as possible like two adults.

I’m sorry she insisted on it, asked me to call you and said she would ask you to call me. And I waited.

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You didn’t call, I did. You didn’t answer and I understand. I’m sorry you called me too late. When I didn’t even have the courage to look at you, when I didn’t even feel like receiving you, when I didn’t even have the patience to hear your voice or time to find you. I’m sorry that you waited for me to leave only now to realize me, and that you still haven’t accepted our outcome.

But now I can remind you.

I can tell you about my new beginning and how it hurt to forget you. I can remind you of that moment I can’t forget, that kiss on the forehead you gave me and that loose hug telling me to go on with life without you because you would turn around if you were me. I can teach you to follow only one path and it can be the one I followed alone when you said you didn’t want to see me anymore.

I can explain to you how long it will take to accept, and if it calms you down, an hour passes, you heal like I healed. I can tell you a little about my days after that goodbye by message, if you’re interested, I’ll tell you how I’ll heal. I can also make things very clear so that you don’t let someone leave for fear of risking because some ex-love hurt you and you forgot the part that spares no effort when you have someone who will spare no distance to stay with you.

I leave the goodbye I never gave you and I wish you to learn to avoid the fall if your parachute is stolen. But if the fall is inevitable, I wish you time. I also want you to really love someone, but if it’s not true, I want you to be able to get by with your lies. But if it’s not love, I want you to know how to decorate the emptiness you feel. But if you are nobody, I wish you to be well, as I was when you were neither truth nor love and became nobody. And don’t suffer for anyone.

But if you suffer, remember what I was to you and you were nothing. But if it was nothing, remember that I had to smile when you disappeared from here. And laugh or cry, but please grow up.