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Lack of sexual desire: possible causes and how to get around the situation

Lack of sexual appetite is more common than many may think. Everyone has their own time and way of dealing with sex and sexual needs. Therefore, depending on the need and will of each and every couple, the lack of desire can represent anything from a simple passing moment, to a more uncomfortable problem that must be evaluated.

It’s not uncommon for women to fall into the classic comparison trap: if my partner has much more frequent and constant sexual desires, what’s the problem with me? The first error can be found in this reflection. For starters, the way sexual desire happens is different for each person and is also different between genders.

Many women suffer daily from the fear of not being able to satisfy their partner sexually as much as they would like. Of course, receiving affection is very important for a person to feel loved. But, although sex is an important factor in the relationship (in different intensities depending on each couple), it should not be the only thermometer for love.

Learn more about the causes of lack of sexual desire and what can help you to reverse this situation in a healthy and simple way.

What can cause a lack of sexual desire?

The lack of desire can be temporary and, therefore, more than normal, considering that everyone has cycles and personal issues. Or it could be a longer lasting condition, in which case it could mean some physical or emotional problem.

To try to identify which case is yours, start by evaluating what may be happening. How long have you felt uncomfortable? Is there any physical discomfort that has taken away your desire? Any distress related to other life factors or an episode that triggered this situation? This intimate search for details will be essential for understanding and, consequently, for getting around the situation.

According with the doctor. Domingos Mantelli (CRM-SP: 107.997), gynecologist and obstetrician at Clínica Mantelli, female sexual desire is governed by two main factors: hormones and emotions: “any of these factors that undergoes changes ends up totally altering the woman’s organism, mainly the libido”. Therefore, it is essential to seek to unravel what may be the reason for the lack of desire. Among the most common are:

hormonal fluctuation

Both the fall and the increase in female libido can be caused by hormonal fluctuations. This also includes menopause, pregnancy and changes that occur during the menstrual cycle.

emotional changes

Altered emotional states, such as depression, the loss of a relative or friend, stress and anxiety can influence a woman’s sexual desire. The female horny is directly related to the emotional field. From a simple personal problem with the partner to one of the biggest villains of sexual appetite, depression, in most cases the problem of lack of desire is related to psychological or emotional issues that can generate a sexual block.

physical discomfort

Pain during penetration, cramps, discharge, vaginitis or even everyday fatigue are also great influencers of female libido. In case of physical discomfort at the time of sex, if it is not something easily identifiable, such as a passing colic, it is recommended to look for a specialist so that a deeper analysis of the causes and possible treatments can be carried out.

sexual repression

Historically and culturally, female sexual freedom and pleasure are seen as taboo. From a young age, girls are prevented from seeking pleasure and getting to know their bodies. This is a more than common reason and today, fortunately, it has weakened in the face of debates and the encouragement of women to seek pleasure. If sex is done with the satisfaction of only one side in mind, it will be difficult for there to be a real desire on the part of the woman. A truly healthy sex life depends on satisfying both sides.


The fatigue and stress of routine, work, child care, among other factors, also influence sexual appetite. After a long, tiring day, it’s more than plausible that you’re not in the mood for sex. Marital problems with the partner are also major causes of lack of desire.

Therefore, the most important recommendation is to first look for the reason for the loss of libido and, if necessary, look for a gynecologist or a psychologist to identify the causes that are causing sexual disinterest – this way it will be easier to find the best way to resolve the situation. .

7 ways to increase your sex drive

Psychologist Lizandra Arita considers it very important to investigate whether there is any blockage in relation to sex: “because if there is any emotional issue blocking sex, an investigation should be carried out with the therapist or psychologist and the patient’s willingness to change” . If the problem is not caused by psychological blocks, a few simple tips can help:

1. Provide relaxing environments: “Stressed people don’t have sexual desire, that’s a fact! So, it is necessary to leave the problems out of the room, relax and provide an environment free from worries and charges”, points out Lizandra.

2. Feeling is an aphrodisiac: if you don’t feel secure in your partner’s love, it is very likely that desire will fall. Women who feel loved have a higher libido, as sex has to do with the female emotional. And this security needs to be genuine and true, because it’s not enough for the partner to show love and the woman not to feel it. You need to feel safe.

3. Know and love yourself: self-knowledge of your body and its cycles is essential to understand how your libido works. The more you know yourself, the more you tend to love yourself and, in this way, liking yourself will make it easier to feel pleasure.

4. Leaving aside big rituals: the psychologist Lizandra Arita suggests that there are some external factors such as a special dinner, a romantic evening, a good wine, which can ignite the desire to create a climate conducive to sex. “But removing the requirements for sex can also make things more fluid. Casually, looking at your partner, giving a hug, a kiss and letting go for sex at any time, without so many demands, can work.”

5. The more sex, the more desire: having sex increases sexual desire. The more you do, the more desire you will have. According to Lizandra Arita “this is the rule of body and mind. It all starts in the mind. Exactly everything, including the physical issues. So thinking about sex is something that works a lot to activate libido in the body. Preparing an indoor scene, taking care of yourself, applying a moisturizer, choosing lingerie. These are small private rituals of the woman, which prepare her mind to activate sexual desire”.

6. “Female Viagra”: there are already medicines on the market that promise to increase female libido. They are mainly indicated for women in menopause or with severe loss of sexual interest. Such drugs act on the nervous system and tests have shown good results. But to start this type of treatment, you will need a doctor’s prescription.

7. Healthy body, healthy mind: One of the simplest and most effective ways to increase sexual appetite is to exercise regularly. The reasons it works so well are simple: physical activity increases self-esteem, affects testosterone levels (one of the main hormones linked to sex and the feeling of well-being) and keeps your body in good working order, preventing mental fatigue. and the stress.

A healthy sex life is one of the keys to personal fulfillment. So, perhaps the most important tip in cases of lack of sexual desire is: it is possible to solve it, so don’t settle. Especially if this situation brings personal or marital discomfort. Accepting your body’s natural cycles is critical, as is investigating the possible reasons for this change. So, use and abuse our tips to make your sex life on the rocks!

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