Know what it is and discover the signs of a toxic relationship

Being in a relationship is supposed to be something pleasurable and that makes you feel good. The problem is that sometimes relationships become toxic and have a lot of consequences for people. To understand more about this topic, we talked to psychologist Caroline Busarello Bruning (CPR 12/08776). See more below:

What is a toxic relationship?

Caroline explains that “a toxic relationship involves one person trying to manipulate, control and isolate the other. It is a relationship in which there is no bond of respect, but in which one person commands and the other is subjugated”.

She adds that “in an abusive relationship there is a frequency of behaviors, becoming a cycle of abuse. We just need to be careful not to think that anyone is toxic because they made a mistake. In fact, what defines if she is toxic in a relationship is not the mistake, but the way she deals with mistakes.”

8 signs of a toxic relationship

Okay, now that you understand a little more about the subject, with Caroline’s support, let’s show signs that can characterize that a relationship is unhealthy.

1. Controlling the person: “controlling, based on jealousy, the way he dresses, who he goes out with and even the money the person earns, checking the things he does on the internet and questioning, making the other understand that there is no privacy because they are in a relationship.”
2. Swearing: “the person calls you an idiot, an asshole, sick, stupid, ridiculous, or even words that are even worse. The intention is to make the other person feel bad, guilty, and fall even further into the toxic person’s control.”
3. Decrease your achievements: “when you get something you really wanted, instead of congratulating you, the other person gets jealous and says “ah, that’s great, but you can’t forget about that”.
4. Maximize the other’s problem: “A toxic person can reinforce a person’s characteristic or problem to make them feel bad. For example, if someone likes to eat a lot (and feels bad about it), the other person might say “I like to hang out with you because you like food a lot and always find a good place”. In these cases, if the person says they didn’t like it, the other says they’re making a drama”.
5. Threatening: “’I don’t know what I’m going to do if you do such a thing’ – always puts the person in a situation of extreme anxiety, walking on eggshells.”
6. Silence treatment: “hours, days, weeks, without exchanging a word with the other person to punish for something.”
7. Always try to change the game: “it’s the famous gaslighting. Whoever does this wants the other person to doubt attitudes and mistakes in the relationship.”
8. Criticism disguised as praise: “when the person even praises the other, but does so in a way that control is evident. For example: I know you’re good, but it’s not enough to achieve such a thing”, concludes Caroline.

How to get out of a toxic relationship

The psychologist explains that “it is important to know yourself: to know if you tend to be too empathetic, to know if you are afraid of being alone or even suffer from imposter syndrome. Understand if you are not very clear about personal boundaries and even do too much for others”.

In addition, she also states that “it’s important to inform yourself about toxic relationships, because many people think it’s normal and only understand when others show how abusive the relationship is. It’s hard to get out of those relationships, for example, when we have bad beliefs about relationships and what love means.”

Lastly, Caroline adds that it is important “to know what an acceptable relationship is, to know what kind of relationship you are going to tolerate. Therapy is very important in this whole process, to get to know each other and see what needs to be adjusted in the relationship, if it is a healthy relationship, or if there is no adjustment and it is necessary to end it.”

We know that identifying whether a relationship is toxic is not an easy task, but we hope that this article can clarify some signs and concepts on the subject. On the other hand, see our text on the signs of a healthy relationship and understand everything about the subject.