It is by making mistakes that you learn: know how to make the best of your mistake

It’s really hard to accept that we failed. A mixture of guilt, anguish, low self-esteem, insecurity and fear appears as a form of punishment. Afterwards, the tendency is to start acting in a comfort zone, failing to take risks so as not to fail again. But as the saying goes: Nothing ventured, nothing gained! Making mistakes at work, in relationships or with children, for example, becoming aware of the mistake, is part of personal growth, evolution and success. Reflecting on the situation, thinking about how it could have been different, and moving on to other solutions, brings confidence, courage, and opportunities. “The ideal is not to regret. At first it may seem comfortable, but in the medium or long term it does not go beyond stagnation and apathy”, says the American writer Alina Tugend in her book Sem Medo de Errar (Ed. Zahar). “We must not think that we have to do everything perfectly and that if we don’t do it, we are failures. This mentality creates relationships in which those involved spend most of their time censoring each other or passing the blame instead of looking for a solution”, explains psychologist and business coach Lizandra Arita, from São Paulo.

face the obstacles

To overcome mistakes and succeed, you need to be willing to admit them, receive criticism, trust yourself and who is giving feedback. “The person must accept this return as something beneficial. If you see it as a threat, you won’t change your attitudes or learn from your mistakes”, explains talent consultant Jorge Matos, from Rio de Janeiro.

The problem is that some people cannot change course, because they already have ingrained habits. Those who smoke, for example, feel only the pleasure of cigarettes and are not capable of admitting that addiction is harmful. The person sees abandonment as something painful. For Jorge Matos, we only change when the situation causes great discomfort, such as pain, anguish or loss. Therefore, it is fundamental to see the benefits of changing course and, thus, to move towards success. Come on, learn to see the positive side of the mistake and become more productive and fulfilled!

The types of errors

“Fixed” error

You believe you performed a task in the best possible way until someone says it wasn’t quite that and the result was below expectations. It can happen because you have misconceptions, incompetence, lack of care or parameter.

Solution – Before justifying yourself, assess whether you really failed. Try to have rational control of the situation and humbly ask: Where do you think I went wrong? Because? Pay attention to the arguments and analyze them. If you admit you made a mistake, admit it and apologize. “That way you show responsibility for what you’ve done and avoid future mistakes,” says Alina Tugend. Now, if you disagree that you made a mistake, show your point of view. “When we do the task with the best of intentions, we know how to justify ourselves,” says Lizandra.

uncontrollable error

It happens when we express a reaction from the unconscious. Example: you yell at your child and later regret it. Upon realizing the scene, the damage has already been done. You know you made a mistake, but at that moment you couldn’t control the impulse of anger. This type of error can originate from psychological imbalances (“they were mean to me, now I am mean to others”) or feelings like envy and jealousy.

Solution – Recognize the root cause of the error and desire to change. “In the case above, the person will have to understand what bothers them about the child’s attitude”, says Lizandra. It is important to work the unconscious to understand where the wrong impulse comes from and try to demonstrate new attitudes. You will see that in the next episode the action and reaction will be completely different.

good lessons

Feedback

The term in English, which means feedback, is important because it makes us realize where we went wrong and gives us the chance to review attitudes to succeed. Ideally, others point out mistakes in a constructive way, emphasizing what you did (or have) good and showing the ways that can help you improve. “This contributes to making people want to keep trying”, reinforces Lizandra.

Personal growth

Failures should be seen as learning opportunities. They give us a chance to get a realistic sense of performance, to assess what works and what doesn’t, and to change so we don’t get it wrong again. Generally, the error is engraved in the memory and, when remembering it, we become more attentive.

Self confidence

When identifying that you made a mistake, it is natural, at first, to feel inferior. But by not getting discouraged and trying to do the question correctly, your security returns to the previous level or even to a higher level, since the feeling is of overcoming. This helps to act calmly in a crisis or when making decisions. Saying I don’t know or I can’t only undermines self-esteem, making the problem worse. With low confidence, you don’t defend yourself or argue, giving the impression that you can make the same mistakes again.

Success

Pursuing success, even if there are setbacks along the way, tends to lead to success. But, attention, it is not worth facing with suffering. You have to keep in mind that life is made of gains and losses and the sum of both sides is important for our growth. Failure is just one of the possible consequences of the challenge – the error may not occur. Failing does not mean being naive, but having the courage to experiment. Take a good look: if the American scientist Thomas Edison had not insisted more than a thousand times on the creation of the light bulb, we would not know what electric light is. He reached his goal through trial and error.