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It has always been you

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I lost control, I admit.
At two in the morning, after a few shots of tequila.
I came home in a desperate attempt not to call you.
In vain.

I opened the nightstand drawer, the one with the lock.
I asked my mother to hide the key, but I was only fooling myself, as I knew all the hiding places she used.
There, under the unused envelopes, were photos of the two of us.

I spread all the memories on the bed.
My heart was full, full of you.
Of us.

I wonder if at some point you’ve relived this, or just put it all in a box and thrown it away, because this isn’t the first time I’ve done this and I don’t even know if it will be the last.

Three shots of wine later and it’s already four in the morning.
I look at my phone and review the message I wrote.
I hit the “send” button.
You did not answer.

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Probably my number shouldn’t even be saved in your contacts anymore.
I admit that I still need you, that it’s not over.
I cry with my eyes closed, reliving our story, like a movie.
Then the bell rings.

It’s six in the morning.
Eyes red and coffee on my way to my mouth, makeup and yesterday’s clothes, I head for the door.
And and you.

It’s you saying you’d rather get hurt than not be by my side.
It’s you saying that we can heal, that the end was a mistake.
It’s you there, on the doorstep, saying we were both immature.
It’s you, hands in your pockets, saying you need me.

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It’s me, my eyes glazed, hugging you, giving and receiving knots in return.
It’s us, saying for the first time,
I love you.

Grazielle Vieira

SEE TOO:

180 SHORT AND CUTE MESSAGES to send to your girlfriend/wife

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