I’m not perfect, but I offer you my best version

I know I sound complicated, but it’s just a reflection of my insecurity. This has nothing to do with complicating your life and making an inner mess. So forgive my clumsy way of being, I live breaking things I know, but I would never break your heart. I’m indecisive I know and I’m always in doubt when I need to choose, it’s just that I still don’t know whether to choose cream or strawberry ice cream and whether to order savory or sweet pizza. So even if I don’t like Japanese food, hate onions in my food, and don’t need too much seasoning, do you promise to stay? I know I’m not good with expressions and whenever you give me gifts I don’t know how to react very well, but believe me my heart races and I’m invaded by good feelings, I just can’t act in the same proportion as I feel, maybe because I feel too much.

So I give you a hug and I sketch a smile like someone who smiles with the heart and with the soul.youWill you forgive me if I seem to dislike the things you do to me? It’s just that I actually like it a lot. Your calls just to say “hello” is enough to make my day more beautiful and my soul is light as someone who wants to smile all the time.

Maybe you don’t know, but when you leave a note saying you love me or when you say you want to spend the rest of your life with me, I break down and I’m happy like a child who just got a toy he wanted so much. I’m insecure sometimes I know that this love thing leaves us with that silly fear of losing. That’s why I take care of you in prayer. I know, we are all imperfect, looking for someone to accept our imperfections. So forgive my forgotten way is that I’m not very good with memories and memories, but I don’t forget you one day if you want.

Your kiss on the forehead while we wait for the elevator brings me peace and when you ask me to stay a little longer or say you miss me I feel hugged and overflow with so much love. I know I’m not perfect and I don’t intend to be, after all, no one is. But with you I am more, I am whole and not half. So I may not like the same foods as you, like the same things, like the same movies… But I like you, I really do. Like someone who doesn’t want to let go.

I like your organized way of being even though I’m a mess, I like your exaggerated way of being even though I’m calm, your appreciation for things even though I’m turned off. It’s just that in this sum, we are balance, we are fit. And I like this. I’m not perfect, I know, but I know I love you with all my imperfection and I think it’s beautiful, this thing of wanting to be the best version of you for the other. So know that I love you whenever I watch that movie with you even though I don’t understand a comma and making that huge effort not to sleep. I love you when I ask you questions about your college stuff because I like to hear you talk so lovingly. I love you when I make that snack or dessert that you love so much even after an extremely tiring day, or when I go to the market and remember that you like this or that. I love you when I hug you tight and ask you to stay, when I call you like someone who wants to settle a matter, but really just wants to hear your voice.

With you I don’t need to pretend to be who I’m not my messy suits your organized way of being. My wide smile matches your shy smile that is slowly being drawn on your face. With you I don’t need masks, I don’t need this thing of needing to look like what we’re not just to please. It’s just that with you being imperfect is not a defect and in this story of imperfections we just want to be the best version of you for the other. And I think that’s really beautiful, wanting to improve for yourself, for the other and for love.

Written by: Thamilly Rozendo