If you hold my hand, we can go through life until we reach where the sun sets…

We cross… I confess it’s not a word I have kept in mind, but when you mentioned it, it triggered my memory. I think it was a low blow for you to reference one of my favorite movies. It took effect…

It’s a hell of a job to maintain a relationship. Not just any relationship! The one that softens the legs, that makes the longing tighten the chest, that makes the kiss always like the first, with the bonus of experience and tricks to make that kiss yield. No… Not just any relationship… But one who makes bold plans, who loves for real, in sickness and in health, in riches and in poverty, since love has nothing to do with it.

And when there’s work, we get in the way, don’t we? When I get confused with a piece of writing, I want to go out wading the paper and throw it in the trash, starting over a new sheet, without the weather. I wish relationships were like that. I think for many they are, that’s why many relationships are so short.

But when we care, we can’t start over “a new sheet” every time we make a smudge on the previous one. It is also not possible to erase the error… We fix it and move on.

And I want a relationship all smudged, scribbled, full of fixes and fixes? I do not want. I want to make everything cute, so that when I reread it, I don’t find so many mistakes that end up making the story ugly to look at and feel. The smudges get in the way of the beauty of the letters, if there are too many, it won’t look like a story, but just any sketch.

We cross… “let’s cross, go ahead, allow ourselves to the new, without fear…”

And if it’s not easy to take care of a relationship, what will it say when it forces us to go ahead, take risks, get to know the new without being afraid. Because it takes work to maintain a relationship… Not just any relationship, but one like ours, where cross could easily be our watchword.

I don’t know how we are not afraid. I don’t know how to get rid of the old armor, full of marks from previous experiences, full of unfulfilled expectations, how do we reach out and walk on water with a strange acquaintance who suddenly invites us to cross life without fear. I don’t know how we do it… I don’t know, no…

I thought you knew. When you invited me, I was sure you had a lifeboat equipped, a survival kit, that you were a human compass, holder of all the answers, that could hold me and I could falter. I didn’t realize that he was calling me to “cross over”. You and me. You needed support too. And he thought I had a lifeboat equipped, a survival kit, that could guide you and give you answers.

We discovered together that for we crossed our way, we would have a lot of work. We would have to take off the clothes that hid our bodies full of scars and imperfections and show ourselves naked to the other, notice flaws that the clothes camouflaged, know fear, insecurity, this or that disappointment and learn that loving… Ah… none of what passion says it is. Love… It hurts. And it’s scary, in addition to contentment.

Go or stay. Not to break, but to go, or to stay. It’s what couples decide when they decide they want to be together.

Stay. Comfort zone. Knowing the flaws, the qualities, pondering, breathing, not arguing, not daring, not crossing that fine line between serenity and intensity. Serene love lives on Rua da Zona de Conforto, without a number, in the Isso Vai Longe neighborhood. Home, work, friends, barbecue on the weekend, children, dog, cat, lunch at the mother-in-law’s house, golden anniversary.

Go. Pass through. Danger zone. Knowing the flaws, the qualities, pondering, breathing, discussing, daring, crossing the fine line of serenity and experiencing intensity. Intense love lives on Rua da Coragem, without a number, in the Bairro das Memória Memoráveis. Home (or not), work (no slavery), friends (only the best), barbecue (perhaps, or a picnic, a bike ride, a hike, a sunset, a bottle of wine), kids, dog , cat, running away from mother-in-law, wedding in a breeze, because the celebrations are daily.

“May it not be immortal since it is flame, but may it be infinite while it lasts.” Do you agree, Vinicius de Moraes?

I thought you knew… Oh no! You do not know anything. You came to discover with me how we cross to get there on that horizon line, where the sun sets. And so we started walking, moving forward, experiencing the new, taking risks, trying not to be afraid.

I’m all wrong. Every hit attempt of mine collects errors. And our history already has its smudges, but they didn’t take away the beauty of the letters that go on our pages. For me, the scribbles just show that we are living with such intensity, taking risks, allowing ourselves.

Breeze wedding… Lasting with this intensity of infinity, as we go crossing la nostra strada.

I don’t know anything either… But if you hold my hand, we can walk for the rest of our lives towards that horizon, until we reach where the sun sets…

Luciana Marques

Photography: Helio Mauricio