I was rejected, now what? Tips for dealing with love rejection

What every social individual wants is to be accepted and esteemed in groups and relationships. And within this process, the possibility of rejection will always be present. Each person does this work constantly: accepting, accepting, absorbing or rejecting, pushing away, ignoring. This movement is as natural as human relationships and so the individual creates his identity, always from choices.

“There is no unanimity. In human nature there will always be colors, flavors, experiences and people that will please one person more than another. The problem is that we have a fantasy that our desire for the other should create a corresponding and irresistible attraction”, explains Frederico Mattos, psychologist and author of the blog Sobre a Vida.

Being rejected often directly undermines self-esteem. The denial of a person to whom you gave your best makes your confidence in your qualities weakened. The point is that this is not always a rational or even personal process, as Frederico clarifies:

“Rejection can happen by conscious aspects or by other unconscious ones, like someone who sends averse and disgusting feelings from a long time ago, the way or physical appearance can awaken unclear memories in the other that cause this disconnection. Forcing the bar would be an aggression for both sides”.

There is no escape. Everyone goes through rejections at some point in life. Whether at school, with friends, at work or in love. Not getting the expected promotion, or the invitation to that party, or the lover’s call. The difference is in how each handles rejection.

8 steps to dealing with love rejection

1. Separate the reject from the reject

Rejection is just a kind of criteria of someone about someone else, which happens to be you: “It’s not personal, even if it seems, because she doesn’t have full control of who she likes. The other may even be a good and desirable person, but for that one it has no impact”, illustrates Frederico Mattos.

2. Exercise self-esteem

Do not allow yourself to forget your value and your qualities. Just because one person doesn’t like you doesn’t mean everyone else won’t. Self-esteem is often related to loving acceptance and it is necessary to evaluate very well what really needs to change and what is just the opinion of the other.

3. Respect non-matching

“Some people have a hard time tolerating not being reciprocated, as if it were a personal attack. It’s as if the target of your crush is forced to respond positively to your feelings. Even in a long-term relationship, lives and personalities can take different paths and what initially motivated the union is lost along the way”.

4. Face the sadness

Accept dealing with sadness and understand that those hopes placed will go through a natural process of dilution until they are recomposed. Running away from the pain is just one way to prolong the process.

5. Follow your own life

Psychologist Frederico Mattos suggests: “Redirecting that desire, love and affection to other healthy sources, such as warm and dear people, is a good way to slowly gain emotional nourishment without the pressure of trying again.”

6. Keep moving

Physical exercises and pleasant activities have the power to make you see life from another angle and get out of the spiral of suffering. More than a tip, take it as a rule: no staying home alone crying or beating yourself up. Make an effort and get moving – this will definitely help to air your thoughts.

7. Make a better selection in the future

According to Frederico, a work of self-analysis is also essential: “Rethink your own criteria to understand if the people you fall in love with are often unavailable or too inaccessible. Try to understand if there is an effective willingness to be loved or if, deep down, you are just creating a cycle of rejection.”

8. Reverse the positions

Remember that time you rejected someone nice too? You’ve probably been in a situation where a person who seemed interesting didn’t touch you deeply. Rescuing this situation will possibly help you to realize that these things unfortunately happen.

What Not to Do When Rejected

No one is able to go through a rejection and not feel anything. And that wouldn’t even be recommended, after all, every fall along the way has at least something good, which is learning. It may take some time for you to compose yourself, and that’s okay. But some self-destructive attitudes can appear and should be observed and avoided:

• Brooding over facts and events trying to find culprits or mistakes;
• Isolate yourself from friends and social life;
• Desire for revenge if you feel it is the other person’s fault;
• Criticizing yourself or punishing yourself for being rejected;
• Telling the story to everyone in an attempt to poison others’ perception of whoever rejected it;
• Seeking other people early so as not to feel the negative impact of the loss.

It’s not easy, but the fact is that rejection will always come one day. Take the opportunity to learn better about human processes. Realize that you have also rejected and it wasn’t because something was missing or someone made a mistake, but because it just didn’t move you. The best thing about life is that it can always be started over, so focus more on yourself and move on.