I lived according to the commandments of a famous psychologist for a week and stopped so as not to go bankrupt

Not every professional chooses to call the public’s attention with discussions about controversial subjects, but psychologist Mihail Labkovskiy, author of the sensational book “I want and I will: accept myself, love life and be happy” (in free translation), definitely can. be considered a person who likes to raise debates: his bold and categorical statements often cause controversy among those interested in psychology.

My name is Yulia, and I decided to carry out an experiment, the results of which I want to share with readers of incredible.club: for a week I tried to follow the rules drawn up by the famous psychologist. Although they seem surprisingly simple, fulfilling them was not easy at all.

I always dreamed of spending my salary on myself, leaving no money for an emergency, services or food. I spent it all in three days, but then I found out that my husband was behind on his salary. It was a horrible moment, I was very nervous. To calm myself down, I put on one of the new dresses I had bought, put on lipstick for 200 reais and kept repeating to myself that I deserved new things in life, that I could afford to spend a large amount of money on my needs at least one time. After all, everything would work out, and we would find a solution.

I admit that such an attitude did not help much. Autogenic training is great, but common sense told me I had gotten too carried away. Tormented, I felt guilty and was questioning why I had acted so irresponsibly, knowing that, after all, I have my own family.

However, I kept trying to adopt the rule on a daily basis and just do what I wanted to do. However, without money, this turned out to be practically impossible. When I wanted to buy a coffee on the way to work, I immediately remembered that we were in the red. I couldn’t even get a new dress for my daughter’s birthday, because after calculating the finances, I realized that I would have to redesign her old one. It made me feel bad and embarrassed: I was going to show up in a new outfit to her party, but she wasn’t.

Conclusion: yes, doing something for yourself is very pleasant, but this rule breaks down in the face of harsh reality. In the adult world, we are not on our own and we have obligations to our loved ones that must be taken into account. Also, after performing 2 or 3 whims, the euphoria wears off, and there’s not much we want to do. Try to think of at least five wishes within your budget, and you’ll find there are fewer of them than you think.

I have a coworker who annoys me a lot. Therefore, I firmly said that I would not do anything for her that went beyond my responsibilities. My realization hurt her so deeply that she started badmouthing me behind my back. Although I never had disagreements with the other colleagues, many took her side: they began to murmur and stopped calling me for coffee during breaks.

At home, the situation also got out of hand. Every year, in early spring, I go to the inner city with my husband and his family to relax for a few days. These trips are a huge joy for him and our children, but for me it’s a few extra days of work in the company of people I don’t really like that much. This time, I asked them to go without me. My husband was offended and stopped talking to me, our kids were upset, and his family almost declared war on me. I had no choice but to hide in the bathroom in despair.

Eventually they left and I was home alone. asked Sushi and I went to watch a movie that my husband refused to watch with me. I did everything to get the most out of the long-awaited solitude and silence. The funny thing is, during the three days I spent with no one home, I felt like I was skipping school and my parents were about to find out.

Conclusion: I cannot say that all the results of this experiment were equally pleasant. It hurts to offend your family by refusing their requests. I will definitely not repeat. On the other hand, saying “no” to my colleague made me feel better. I had wanted to do this for a long time, but I was very undecided. So I started to apply this rule to everyone who is not close to me.

The whole family quickly learned that it annoys me that no one does the dishes, takes out the trash, and dusts. My husband was quite shocked when he found out that I had a ready response to every one of his statements, and that he had kept it all for all these years like a “wise” woman. She felt weird. Apparently, a sea of ​​\u200b\u200bdiscontent “boiled” inside me, which I carefully hid, including from myself.

However, this was not limited to the family circle. Almost every day I walked with a neighbor: our children are the same age, so we often meet on the playground. For some reason, she decided we were friends and started visiting us almost every day and kept me up late. I am introverted by nature, and this close contact put pressure on me. One night, the woman visited again and had barely approached our door when I said, “I’m sorry, but I think our dates keep me from spending time with my family. Let’s talk tomorrow on the playground, shall we?”

The next day, we met and talked as if nothing had happened. The relationship became a little strained, but she stopped visiting us.

Conclusion: in childhood, we were all honest about our feelings and scolded by our parents: “You may hate an outfit, a dish or a place, but I know better what you need!” Therefore, most of us grew up having in mind that doing what we don’t like is normal, while enjoying what we like is a selfish gesture.

In fact, I thought that everyone I spoke to sincerely, saying openly about what I liked, would be offended and cut off contact with me. But it turns out that many accept criticism, and those who are susceptible to a different opinion are simply not part of “my crowd”. Therefore, I agree with this point: in fact, we need to talk about what bothers us and not waste energy on unnecessary people.

The fact that when I told a loved one something, they would immediately give me a bunch of advice, without asking me if I really needed it, infuriated me. A relative has this irritating habit, so I, in order to act differently from her, generally avoided giving my opinion without being asked. But it was not always so.

I have an old friend who is constantly suffering from different problems, regretting and not knowing how to find a way out. Complaints from her make me feel sorry for her, try to help her and think of a suggestion. I would give her advice, but then get irritated when I found she did the exact opposite. The same thing lasted for years: this friend called me complaining, I reacted accordingly, trying to put myself in her shoes and offering solutions, but I ended up getting angry because she belittled my efforts and didn’t care about my attempts to help.

One day, when my friend Helena perplexed me with a new problem, I was about to look for another remedy for her sufferings, but I stopped in time and replied in a disinterested tone: “I don’t even know what to tell you.” And she kept babbling about the dull advice she had received from her friends Maria, Katia and Olga, but decided to take matters into her own hands. I was listening to him and I felt as if I had received a bucket of cold water: before, I was also on that list, alongside Cátia, Maria and Olga, with their silly proposals.

Conclusion: it is terribly difficult to stop in time and not say something that we are not asked. But deep down, each of us knows when our advice is really welcome and when people want to talk to us. I learned to put aside futile conversations. I must admit that Helena lost interest in me as there was nothing to discuss with me. I also realized that I wasn’t interested in people like her, because they look like vampires – they just need to feed on our emotions, instead of taking advice.

To keep this rule in mind at all times, I put a large rubber band on my upper arm, which was in front of me at all times. And as inconvenient as it was, I was constantly reminded of why I was there: I was supposed to give very timely answers. But in just a few days I found myself traveling in mayonnaise, answering the simplest questions. My husband once asked if I was going to the market the next day, so I told him in detail all the plans for that day. In the middle of the story, I came face to face with the rubber band again, noticed my husband’s embarrassed look and quickly closed the subject.

It was a wholesome experience. However, the following days showed that it is men who have a greater need for more objective answers. Women, for example, are not entirely averse to listening to my reflections on the appalling education system. Several times I tried to answer in a few words and monosyllabic questions from a friend of mine, and each time she got offended that “I refused to talk”. And I even wanted to, but I held back, so our communication didn’t work out.

Conclusion: It is very controversial advice. I began to apply it only with men. For women, it doesn’t work very often: in my opinion, we, unlike men, are more willing to vent as much as possible about problems.

In theory, I had known about this method for a long time. That way, we don’t hurt our interlocutor’s feelings and make him less uncomfortable. In practice, of course, it is difficult to apply. In the heat of an argument, we end up blaming the other, yelling, “Yes, you’re the one who keeps forgetting to pick up the kids from school! What is on your mind!?” Furthermore, it seems that the phrase “I don’t feel that I have a reliable partner by my side” fails to express all that we want to say.

Once, my husband and I were arguing about an everyday matter. As usual, in the middle of the argument, we started to raise our voices to each other, but I suddenly realized that I should act differently. I stopped screaming and calmly said that I keep feeling lonely…