Love is one of the greatest needs of human beings. However, love can be a problem when it is accompanied by self-esteem problems or expectations that are difficult to achieve.
You probably know someone or you yourself have a need to feel loved. Have you ever caught yourself saying, “I want love” or “I just want to be loved”? It is not uncommon to find people who feel bad after ending a relationship because they do not want to stop feeling loved. But what causes this feeling? And why do some care more about being loved than about the relationship itself?
I want them to love me. Although maybe it’s because I have a love hangover after breaking up my relationship. If so, perhaps I should give myself some time to be with myself before venturing into a new relationship.
The psychological need for love
One of the basic needs of human beings is love. Psychologists do not consider this to be a problem as long as it does not significantly affect your life. Obviously, this effect is negative for the person. Some examples are:
When your need for love prevents you from having a happy life. Do the phrases like: “love does not exist because I have not found someone who loves me” sound familiar to you?You have an exaggerated doubt that someone can love you. Worse yet, you test the love of others.The need to feel loved has become the priority of your life. In fact, you do everything you can to achieve it.
If the above sounds familiar, there really may be something wrong with the way you understand love. When all you care about is feeling loved or finding someone who loves you, it is necessary to analyze what situation in the past has led you to this.
It is possible that if I want to be loved I suffer from low self-esteem, since I do not know how to love myself. Because if this search for love generates affliction, restlessness, despair and dependence in me, it is likely that before thinking about “I want to be loved” I should think about “I want to love myself so I can love others.”
Why do some people need love more than others?
Human beings are very different. We are the result of the experiences, desires and past that we live through. Sometimes all of this comes together to make you a insecure or needy person to prove that you are as good as everyone else. Among the most common causes are:
Lack of love in childhood. The first two people we come into contact with are our parents. Sometimes, they are distant, cold and distant. If you grew up with these types of parents you may begin to doubt your importance. It is not unusual that as you grow up, you doubt your partner’s love.The order of birth. Only children and younger children tend to feel the lack of love less. The exception to the above would be if your parents are distant or cold. However, it is more common for older children to feel this lack of love. This is because as children they felt that they were “dethroned” by their younger siblings. It is common that as you grow up, you try to build very intense relationships that replace the love that you feel was missing.The need for acceptance. For some people, feeling loved is just one more step toward feeling accepted. These people usually have self-esteem problems. They only feel better if they know they are loved. In this case, the best thing is to strengthen self-esteem. Otherwise, situations of codependency or violence may arise.
«I need to feel loved! I want to be loved”
If you have found yourself saying things like “I need to be loved,” “I want to be loved,” and “I don’t feel loved,” you need to look inside yourself. It is important that you find out if the other person really does not show you their love or if you have psychological needs that affect your perception.. If you do not find emotional balance, the love of your partner or your loved ones will never be enough.
Don’t worry if it now seems like your partner or the people around you don’t give you enough love. First you must understand the reason for this exaggerated need. Once you know the reasons, it will be possible for you to find the solution to the problem.
The second thing you should do is improve your self-esteem. This will help you depend less on others to be happy and love yourself. Finally, you will have to change your ideas or behavior patterns. You will have to avoid repeating negative phrases with which you sabotage yourself. You know, the ones that intensify your need to be loved or the idea that you are not loved.
If you always think that your loved ones don’t love you or treat you well only out of kindness and not love, you should look for a solution to this problem. Once you learn to see the love and need you have differently, you will be able to improve your relationships.. These will be more stable and complete.
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All cited sources were reviewed in depth by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, validity and validity. The bibliography in this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.
Bailey 2nd, J. A. (2003). The foundation of self-esteem. Journal of the National Medical Association, 95(5), 388.Garza, I. (2010). Neurobiology of love. The resident, 5(1), 6-8.Rojas, E. (2006). Intelligent love. Salvat.Sanpedro, P. (2005). The myth of love and its consequences on couple bonds. Disenso, 45, 5-20.Ubillos, S., Zubieta, E., Páez, D., Deschamps, JC, Ezeiza, A., & Vera, A. (2001). Love, culture and sex. Electronic Journal of Motivation and Emotion (REME), 4(8-9), 8-9.
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