I became a father and I want to share 10 facts about fatherhood that few people talk about

My name is Pavel Domrachev and two months ago we had our first child and became young parents, with everything we are entitled to: the joy of talking to a small being; the fear for his life; the responsibility that he is well; and, of course, lack of sleep. I was surprised at how much I didn’t know. It is not customary to talk about many details, especially among men. Also, I haven’t found much information online, only perhaps on women’s forums where there is more in-depth discussion on certain topics.

I want to share with the readers of awesome.club what I discovered after becoming a father. Going ahead a little, I can say: I applaud the single mothers, who raised or are raising their children without a partner. The sacrifice is real and much more painful than many common jobs out there. Such mothers often need not only to raise the little ones, but also to work to support themselves.

Grunts, sniffles, growls, gurgles, and other strange noises. As someone joked on the internet: “Not a baby, but a musical instrument.” And even though it amuses me now, at first it scared the hell out of me, especially at night. I would get up just to see if everything was okay, if he wasn’t choking or something. The truth is that this is normal: the little one’s lungs and peristaltic movements are just developing outside the mother’s womb.

The human baby is unique in that it needs constant care for at least nine months after birth. He just couldn’t survive on his own. That is why the scream is so painful, loud and quite unbearable. It is inevitable that parents wake up immediately or drop everything they are doing to help the child until he stops crying.

I can’t sleep or do anything else. You just want to help your child as soon as possible. And, naturally, that becomes extremely exhausting.

You cannot leave a child unattended: he is not able to do anything by himself and, moreover, he can easily injure himself. She may bang her head against the crib wall or curl up in the blanket; she may flail her arms wildly and end up waking up or injuring herself, and then start crying about it; she can swing so much that she falls out of her bed. Vision and hearing are not fully developed, so the baby does not understand when he is in danger. In other words, care must be 24/7.

It really got to me at one point. Unlike adults, an infant in arms has not yet developed the mechanisms to inhibit its own emotions. If she gets nervous, she will scream more and more. She can’t calm down on her own, we have to help her — sometimes for a long time. In that case, go back to point 3.

Generally, young children cry regularly for whatever reason. Yes, there are children who are calmer and quieter, others who are louder, but they all scream. Do you know why? For whatever reason, because they aren’t capable of much yet: they want to go to the bathroom; to stroll; the diaper is too tight; it’s hot, cold, windy; they want mommy, lap and so on.

And the truth is that no one knows exactly why they cry. It’s like a “Pandora’s box”, without explanation. Okay, it’s possible to establish a certain regime, but no matter how many times we tried, we were always surprised by something new. It is necessary to try everything a little, and if something does not work, then try everything again from the beginning. There are hundreds of tips on the internet to soothe babies — from pacifiers to lullabies and different drawing activities on paper.

By the way, about drawings: the baby needs to start developing from the first month. You need to put him on his stomach, exercise his little fingers, massage him, teach him how to bathe, etc. Regardless of whether he slept little, it is still necessary, during the day, to regularly exercise 5-10 times, so that the child does not have any developmental delays. But that’s just for now. And what will come next?

Some people think (and I thought so too) that if you leave the child with the mother, nature will just take its course: the baby will naturally lie down with her and calm down in no time. None of that. The mother also gets tired, gets nervous, also wants to sleep, take a shower, go for a walk, rest. If the partner does not help the wife, she will be worn out, tired, sad and, before long, you will have many conflicts in the relationship.

Our resolution: We try to divide efforts equally to care for the baby. And that’s considering I work from home.

Now I’m going to say something that many prefer to hide: the child is irritating! It leaves us exhausted, stressed. And few have the courage to say it. I’ve read stories online of mothers who tearfully admitted they didn’t know what else to do as they were on the verge of exhaustion and missed their life before their child. But there was no turning back.

Some people choose to shout back; others just sit and don’t react to the screams of the little ones. Anyway, it’s something very difficult to deal with. Friends, acquaintances and relatives need only support young mothers and fathers, and not try to teach them how to educate.

I often think: “Am I doing everything right?”, “My God, he’s crying, I’m a terrible father”, “Is he sick?”, “What if I hurt him?”, “I wonder if is he eating little?”, “What if he is cold?”

Taking my son to bathe in the first few months was torture. I had a surreal fear that it would break, or drop it. Today it is easier, but this responsibility is still a heavy burden to carry.

My friends and family say: “But having a child is such happiness, that little angel”. The problem is that they fail to understand or seem to have forgotten the work behind it. Most of the time, you’re exhausted, worn out, and you’re like, “Oh yeah, a little angel… who just spent three hours screaming nonstop and wouldn’t sleep for anything.”

Of course, children are wonderful, but first you have to survive many months, sometimes even years, of a rather difficult life, which is very different from what you had before.

Parenting is no joke: it’s hard, sometimes hellish work, and one that is greatly underestimated. Few people talk about the “dark” side of this long and exhausting process. Usually, only the good parts are talked about: you might end up thinking you’ll sleep a little less, change a few diapers, and that’s it, the rest is just joy and smiles!

But the concerns are numerous. I don’t want to be misunderstood: my wife and I are ecstatic to have a child and want him to be healthy and happy., but no one prepared us for what was to come; and the confrontation with reality… well, it wasn’t easy.

As I’ve already said, single mothers are simply heroes. All the men who still believe that women get divorced on purpose, just because they want to raise children alone, are totally naive and have no idea what it means to raise a little being, who knows nothing of the world and whose life depends 100% from you.

And how was your transition to the new reality of life with children? Share your experience in the comments!