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How to talk about sex with the daughter who started dating

My 16-year-old daughter has only been dating for three months and has been asking questions about her first date, implying that she plans to start having sex. I think early. How to make her rethink the decision? (Question submitted by reader)

The bond of friendship and trust between mother and child is essential for a teenager to feel free to consult her about issues and dilemmas inherent to the phase they are going through. Glad it’s your case. Take your daughter to the gynecologist to clarify all her doubts about the first intercourse, contraceptive methods and sexually transmitted diseases. This is a fundamental rite of passage. “She needs to be very aware of what she’s doing; hence the importance of talking and going to the doctor”, emphasizes gynecologist Isabel Correa, from Hospital dos Servidores do Estado do Rio de Janeiro. Sexuality is still a taboo in many homes, but the conversation can be less complicated if you are honest about what you think about the subject and know how to make it clear to your daughter how important it is to be mature enough to face the consequences of each one of them. our attitudes.

“The mother can express her opinion by taking a firm stand, but without making threats”, recommends Aurélio Melo, professor of psychology at Universidade Presbiteriana Mackenzie, in São Paulo. “It is possible to tell your daughter to analyze it better and assess whether she already has so much trust in her partner, but she is the one who will make the decision”, completes Melo. So don’t even think about banning it. This can even have an undesired effect: she may withdraw, stop opening up to you, and make this and other key decisions in a hidden and untimely manner. Prefer to share afflictions and ask her to reflect again if she thinks she is really 100% ready for the step.

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The way in which parents deal with their own sexuality and that of their children influences the future experiences of children. Therefore, be careful not to exaggerate your tone when expressing your opinions and end up sending the message that having sex is wrong or bad. “The most important thing is not to judge the situation or your daughter negatively”, emphasizes Ana Olmos, specialist in child psychotherapy and neuropsychology, from São Paulo. The truth is that there is no right or wrong age to lose your virginity. But there is a consensus. “It is recommended to wait at least two years after the first menstruation, when the female organism is completely formed from a physical and hormonal point of view”, explains Isabel Correa. The “right” moment, however, depends a lot on the maturing process of each one and the relationship you are in. You can help your daughter by providing her with information through careful conversations. “Expressing love when talking about sex is creating fertile ground for the teenager to develop a good relationship with her own body and her own sexuality for the rest of her life”, guarantees Ana Olmos.

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