How to Learn to Say No Even to Those We Love

According to a 2014 study, women find it more difficult to say “no” to their colleagues than to men. But even those who feel a little better taking this kind of attitude sometimes find it difficult to be more incisive.

We’ve dealt with it a lot here awesome.club about the problems that arise when we say “yes” to everything that is asked of us.

In this post, we will return to this subject. Follow along and learn to say no without having a bad conscience:

Often, we say yes just because we don’t have time to think about the situation properly. Consider all the pros and cons not only in the short term but also in the future. Now, an extra job can get you some quick cash, but after a couple of months of working non-stop, you can erode your well-being or lose your life satisfaction. Do you really want this?

Ask for time to properly evaluate everything and to give a more concrete answer.

Psychologists believe that we often take care of our loved ones more than ourselves. So, imagine that the request was made to a friend. Consider whether the request would not bother your friend, or whether it would be comfortable for him to help someone else or do additional work, and only after that, accept the refusal.

Tell the truth and don’t exaggerate. If you can’t fulfill a request or believe you wouldn’t do it well, say, “I’d love to help, but I can’t. I could accept it, but then we could have problems, and I don’t want our friendship to be affected”.

Another option is to say directly that it is not comfortable to bring up the subject due to the place or time. This will help the person understand that your request is simply out of your jurisdiction or that it is inconvenient for you to carry out the request. If someone values ​​you and has common sense, he will understand that he is bothering you and will not insist. And if the guy keeps bothering you, it will be even easier to say “no”.

Accepting rejection is just as difficult as saying no. A person may be offended or take your words personally. In such a situation, it would be appropriate to “soften up” what you are saying and, instead of just saying “no”, also say “I have other activities”, or “I can’t help right now”. In this way, you will say to the subject, between the lines: “the problem is not you, it is me”. It is simpler to understand these phrases than a simple “no”.

If a person’s requests violate his obligations to his spouse, children or parents, it will be a little easier to refuse them. So, before giving a positive answer, consider how uncomfortable this would be not only for you, but also for your loved ones.

Often, a request is perceived as pressure. We are afraid or ashamed to refuse it. In a stressful situation, it is much easier to accept than to think about how to deny so as not to offend a person. At this point, it’s important to reduce your stress level: try counting to 10 and breathing deeply.

Breathing helps calm your heart rate and lowers blood pressure. And this, in turn, helps to think sensibly and make the right decisions. So after that it will be easier for you to reject a person’s request.

We often confuse sympathy with submission and accept any request made to us by friends, relatives and co-workers. Therefore, it is important to learn to diversify the repertoire of responses. This is very difficult advice to follow, but it is perhaps the most effective of all.

Think in detail about what would happen if you denied something, what the request would be, and how your interlocutor might react to a no. Try to discover the best posture for saying no when a request is too heavy. Perhaps this will not make you so sensitive with colleagues and family, but you will be happy and only do what gives you pleasure or benefits.

Do you know how to say “no” when something doesn’t please you?

What are your strategies to get out of this situation?