How to know if you are in a codependent relationship –

Human relationships are quite complex, but it is not difficult to perceive ourselves as dependent on someone. Relying on friends to go to a party, on a partner for a weekend outing, even on parents to ensure your safety while you’re still a child. However, there is a point at which this dependence passes from what is considered healthy. This is where codependent relationships come into play.

According to Dr. Livia Beraldo, a psychiatrist at Hospital Santa Paula, codependency is an emotional disorder, defined between the 1970s and 1980s, and which was first related to family members of drug addicts. “Currently, codependency is extended to any condition of dependence or severe personality and conduct disorders,” she explains.

According to the doctor, the main characteristic of this disorder is the so-called “emotional attachment”, that is, the person is linked to the pathology of the other, developing an extreme difficulty of put limits for the addict’s problematic behavior.

“Gradually, the tendency is for them to start living for others, taking responsibility for their problems and their experiences,” he says. “For example, the wife who tirelessly tolerates all the consequences resulting from her husband’s alcoholism, such as job loss, aggressiveness, irresponsibility, etc. him, like separation.”

She also explains that, because of this, the family member acquires dysfunctional and pathological characteristics and attitudes, which can generate even more suffering for all those affected. In most cases, codependent behavior is expressed by parents or spouses who have direct contact with the patient and feel responsible for him.

The types of codependency

Although, initially, codependency was mainly linked to chemical dependents and their families, it is known that it is possible to identify codependent people in different contexts, in which the pattern is always the same: taking full responsibility for acts and problems of the other, whether in the marital, social or professional sphere.

Therefore, it is possible to see this relationship happening in different main spheres:

chemical codependency: “It is expressed precisely in situations involving a person with substance use disorder (chemical dependence), that is, the patient lives with his addiction, suffers from its effects and the codependent does the same, while trying to control the other and define the course of their actions”, says Livia.
affective codependency: can be connected to any individual who has a pathological emotional attachment in a relationship type. According to the psychiatrist, the principle is that there is an emotional dependence on the other, with the presence of feelings such as insecurity, fear of abandonment and constant desire to please.
family codependency: “It can appear in several contexts and even in cases of chemical dependency”, he explains. “The central issue is the prevalence of a feeling of guilt, which affects the entire family experience and leads one or more members to develop obsessive behaviors, in the search for the addict’s recovery.”

In any of these cases, treatment usually follows a three-pronged approach.

Dependent treatment
Psychotherapy
Support groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous

In the case of psychotherapyLivia explains that it involves recovering self-esteem and helping patients to see the behaviors reproduced so far, seeking to understand how much they affect their own lives and the recovery of others.

“It helps to develop self-knowledge and work on issues that may be related to the emergence of codependency”, continues the doctor. “It’s also about learning to deal with one’s expectations in the face of often irrational beliefs and generating a more realistic awareness of one’s feelings and behavior.”

The result, she says, is to make it easier to recognize behaviors that need to be modified and to be less vulnerable to emotions.