How to integrate children from different marriages

Forget that one family of margarine commercial: father, mother and children very happy around the breakfast table, while the day looks beautiful through the window. The 21st century family broke away from these stereotypes and ended up being fragmented, giving rise to new types of family nuclei.

In a world that already accepts issues such as the divorce and the decision to make a new relationship official after the separation, the so-called “mosaic family” are increasingly common. It is important that couples know how to deal with the baggage that the other brings from the previous marriage. Learning to live with the children your new boyfriend already has, while integrating your children into this new reality, is an important step in building a new home. We have prepared five tips on how to make adaptation less traumatic and more assertive.

1 – Respect is key

If you want your new boyfriend’s kids to respect yours, you need to set an example. Try to show interest – as long as it is genuine – in the activities of your stepchildren, and avoid comparing them to your own offspring. You should encourage friendship between children, not rivalry. Comparisons and competition are harmful and can cause one to dislike one another.

2 – Give it time

It is not difficult to understand the reasons for a child to reject, at least initially, the new partner of the father or mother. In addition to the trauma of divorce, there is the jealousy factor. Children, even though they are not so young, always bring with them a great attachment to their parents, which hinders the acceptance of a new relationship. Before making the decision to remarry, try to assess whether the news will not affect your children (and your partner’s) too much. Observe, in the courtship period, if they like the person you have chosen – and work on the idea of ​​marriage calmly, without rushing your steps. This will help in the assimilation of the new family settingfacilitating the adaptation of children and reducing the risk of problems.

3 – Create rules

It is necessary that the couple agree with some basic rules of coexistence, which will allow the family to develop in a healthy way. These rules should be discussed away from the children, so that the couple does not lose authority in front of the children.

4 – Son is one thing, stepson is another

It’s no use wanting to extend your education concepts to your partner’s children. It is important to support your partner and be willing to help in whatever way is necessary, but avoid directly influencing or expressing your opinion on the decisions he makes. If it is essential, try to do it when they are alone, away from children.

5 – Try to dialogue

Talking openly is the most appropriate way to create a family environment true and calm. Set aside a moment of the day – dinner, for example – to get together and discuss important topics for children, their daily lives and the problems they may be facing at school, for example. Using good humor can be a good way to deal with jealousy, for example.

Children are authentic. If they show they don’t like you, don’t force acceptance. Instead, try to show them that you love them and win them over through persistence, not force.