How to deal with the pain of losing a child?

Maternal love is the kind of feeling that only those who have had their own children understand. The intensity and extent of this feeling cannot be compared with any other. Therefore, grief over the loss of a child is often much more complex and difficult to overcome.

Even mothers who have not been through this situation are very categorical in stating that there is no greater pain than losing a child. The natural order of things is for the parents to leave before their offspring. This is the normal course of life: the older ones die – or should die – before the younger ones. This is probably what causes so much anger and misunderstanding when children are taken from their parents’ arms, whatever the cause.

But, as this is not always the case, it remains to learn how to deal with the suffering and pain that come from this type of loss.

Psychologist Laissa Muniz, from the Center for Reference and Assistance to Women in Maringá, Paraná, explains that, after losing a child, “the best way to face the period of mourning is not to deny the need to cry, feel bad, experience that pain. The time of loss is, without a doubt, a time of letting oneself be ‘oppressed’ by the pain felt. It is important that the bereaved stay close to supporting figures, such as family and professionals, and still find space to talk about their loss. Catharsis through speech, that is, the meeting of a ‘friendly shoulder’ to welcome, can be the relief that the bereaved need”.

Is there anything that can be done to ease the pain?

According to Laissa, each person has a way of facing the facts, but for the pain to be alleviated over time, an important step is to face reality with resignation, without running away from the facts.

“Relief from the loss of a child is something very relative. Only time can ease the pain of this loss. The ideal is that the bereaved find space to talk about the matter, in their own time and in their own way. There is no recipe for relieving the pain, but certainly the denial of that death and the blame for what I could have done to avoid it are factors that intensify the grieving process and make it more painful”, he explains.

Is it possible to prevent suffering from becoming depression?

Often the suffering is so intense that it can lead to severe and prolonged emotional problems, such as depression. In this sense, the line that divides normal grief from depressive behavior is quite thin.

“Depressed behavior after the loss of a child is acceptable, but there is no clear line between what can be considered a depressive condition and a depressed state. Behaviors that affect a person’s social performance – such as not going to work, refusing to eat, not leaving the room, for example – and which last longer than expected are considered risky. Studies show that mourning in the face of a sudden death loss lasts for about a year, while in cases of expected deaths, such as chronic diseases, the mourning period can be considerably shorter”, concludes Laissa.

The information contained on this page is for informational purposes only. They do not replace the advice and follow-up of doctors, nutritionists, psychologists, physical education professionals and other specialists.