How to create a strong emotional bond with your child

Put hugs, delicate touches, looks full of affection and true attention. Mix these ingredients in unlimited amounts and season with limits. This is the secret that will make the baby a happy and secure adult.

Yea, affection protects🇧🇷 The statement is from a survey that evaluated 482 residents of the state of Rhode Island, in the United States, in childhood and then at age 38. The study, published in 2010 by Duke University, concluded that building a strong emotional bond with the mother contributes not only to reducing the child’s stress, but also to helping her develop skills to deal with the pressures of adult life. The researchers found that children whose mothers were more affectionate had the lowest levels of anxiety, hostility, and general distress.

The results match those of previous studies, which point to a good relationship with the mother as essential to emotional balance🇧🇷 “A baby who has an available mother, ready to meet his needs, develops a trust relationship with the world. He also faces situations of discomfort, but he perceives his mother as a counterpoint, someone who brings him relief and security”, says psychoanalyst Ana Merzel Kernkraut, from São Paulo. I mean, even if you feel hungry, get frustrated for not reaching your favorite toy or get taken out of the bath in the best of binges, your child will be able to maintain balance because he has the tranquility transmitted by you and your attitudes.

life with more flavor

Children sweetened with affection also develop their skills better, shows the American study. They have a characteristic that psychologists call resilience, the ability to go through critical moments without losing direction, taking advantage of difficulties for personal growth. And let’s face it: this is an important lesson for adulthood, when adversities and challenges become more complex. But you don’t have to wait that long to taste the effects of your affection. Children who feel loved from the cradle also come out ahead when it comes to motor and intellectual development🇧🇷 “At birth, the nervous system has not yet completed its formation, and the affection the baby receives directly influences the connection process between neurons. The more contact he has with his mother and the more stimuli he receives, the more connections he will make. Consequently, the transmission of data between one neuron and another will be more efficient, what we call a synapse”, explains pediatrician Ana Maria Escobar, from São Paulo.

Want to know how to guarantee all these benefits? It all depends on the tune you establish with the baby’s needs. “There is already research indicating that the baby is extremely sensitive to maternal emotions🇧🇷 A newborn breastfed by a depressed mother, for example, will manifest a vacant look and tend to turn his face away from her. The one who is breastfed by a mother who is happy with the situation will fix his gaze on her face and even reach out his little hand to hold her finger. There are countless other gestures like these, through which babies communicate and demonstrate their ability to capture the mother’s affective condition”, says psychoanalyst Magaly Miranda Marconato, professor of child psychoanalysis at Instituto Sedes Sapientiae, in São Paulo.

To identify what the child is asking for, you need to observe him. “Current mothers have multiple functions, but the day needs to be planned so as to leave time for child care. Only living together allows you to know and respond quickly to their desires”, says Magaly. And 15 minutes of bilu-bilu a day is not enough to create harmony. Even if it’s to get up earlier or postpone part of the work until after the child falls asleep, you have to get your hands dirty, instead of delegating all the care.

The secret it’s getting off autopilot and talking to the child, singing to them or caressing them. “If a woman is not naturally affectionate, she should think of ways to express affection”, suggests psychoanalyst Rita Calegari, from São Paulo. Ideas? “It’s not enough to change the diaper, you need to be thinking about that activity and not the next task of the day. Dedication allows you to observe the baby and take advantage of opportunities for interaction”, teaches Rita.