How to choose groomsmen: everything you should consider

A wedding is an event that, regardless of the size or style of the event, must be unique to the bride and groom. All details must be chosen with attention and care so that they really have a special meaning for the couple.

Among so many decisions necessary for the big day, certainly one of the most difficult tasks and, also, important and pleasant, is the choice of godparents.

This is because godparents are not people chosen “simply to be next to the bride and groom at the time of the ceremony”, just to fulfill a tradition; but, yes, they are special people (for the bride and groom) who receive the mission of helping and being close to the couple in the good and bad times that will come with their life together.

Faced with such a noble role, it is natural that doubts arise about who to choose: “Do I need to invite a relative to be my godfather?”, “Can I invite only married people?”, “I need to invite my friend’s girlfriend, who I have seen a few times in life, to be my godmother?” are just a few examples.

In this context, the matrimonial consultant, Estênio Azevedo, clarifies the main doubts related to the choice and all the details that involve the groomsmen.

The choice

The first challenge is really choosing the ones you want to have by your side. Clarify some questions about this moment:

1. Who to call to be a sponsor?

Do I need to invite my family members to be godparents? Or can I choose only friends? Many people find themselves in this dilemma, but what must prevail is the real will of the bride and groom!

Azevedo recalls that the act of sponsoring means watching over, caring for, guiding, supporting, and goes far beyond the entrance procession to the ceremony! “Choose to be a godfather that person you know you can count on at any time in life. I often say, during the guidelines to the godparents, that the ceremony is the most important moment of the whole event, and that the bride and groom chose them to enter first and demonstrate that they support and are part of the birth of that new family ”, he says.

“The choice of each godfather and godmother is a 100% emotional issue. Who do you want to see by your side at the most important moment in life? As the parents already have a fixed place in the ceremony, this is a great ‘position’ for the brothers”, comments the marriage consultant.

2. How many godparents should I choose?

Everything will depend on the location of the wedding: if the ceremony will be in the church or in the place where the party will be held, if the space is large or small, etc.

The specialist comments that, even though it is a choice in which it is important to listen to emotion (and not reason), it is necessary to think about the logistics of the procession, the ceremonial. “For country weddings, I usually suggest a limit of 4 couples on each side, totaling 10 couples, as we have parents. But, when the ceremony takes place in temples (churches, etc.), it is necessary to check the space available for the celebration, but it doesn’t always hurt to choose to have fewer people and ensure a nice look at the altar, without looking like everyone is squeezing or squeezing,” he explains.

3. What to consider when deciding on couples for godparents?

Azevedo comments that choosing a godfather or godmother for the wedding is the same as choosing godparents for the children. “Look for people who know your story, the story of the couple, who accompanied you in special moments and with whom you want to share many other moments of your married life”, he says.

“If the person you want to invite has a partner, don’t feel obligated to invite the couple, do so only if this other person is also close to you and you have a good relationship,” says the marriage consultant.

4. Do I need to invite only people who are married?

A point that generates many doubts is: what to do when you are only friends with a man or a woman? When you want to invite, for example, a friend to be your godmother, but not necessarily her boyfriend/husband.

And yet: is it “inadequate” to invite a married person to pair up with a single person, for example?

Although many people do not recommend that this type of “separation of a couple” be done and few people “have the courage” to choose it for fear of causing unnecessary confusion or upsetting someone, Azevedo advises: “invite only whoever you want; people you feel comfortable sharing your big day with.”

“If you want to invite a friend, but not the person he is dating or married to, just be careful. First, make sure your friend understands your needs and wants, talk to him openly (after all, no one can tell you better if this is going to ‘shatter’ his relationship than he does). Then, to form a pair with him, look for someone who is known to everyone, a mutual friend, avoid placing him with an unknown person”, highlights Azevedo.

“In this case, ask your advisor to invite the spouses of all the godparents and godmothers in the official photos and make sure to take a picture with all the couples. In some cases, it’s even worth a souvenir for the person too. The important thing is that no one feels uncomfortable,” adds the marriage consultant.

5. In the case of Catholic marriages, what are the differences between civil and religious godparents?

Estênio explains that, for the official marriage, of the registry office, the presence of two witnesses is required, who do not need to be a couple, much less be of the opposite sex, only the representation of two people who attest to the veracity of that union. “Marriage at the registry office is a contract,” he says.

“In the case of the church, it is always good to talk to the religious leader or the parish secretary if there is any criterion that needs to be followed in the formation of peers, as certain religions follow certain rules that need to be respected for those who wish to unite before those laws” , adds the marriage consultant.

The invitation

After selecting the names you want to call, you need to make the invitation official. See tips and guidelines for the step of communicating your wish to your future godparents:

6. When to invite them?

This is also an important point: how far in advance should the godparents be invited?

“I always advise couples to invite their godparents at least six months in advance, when possible. It’s good to have enough time to discuss costumes with everyone. And, mainly, because if the ‘function’ of the godparents is to support, to be by the side of the couple, why not count on them also during the preparation of the event?! Preparing an event is not easy… The bride and groom live for it all the time, so it is often essential to have someone who invites them to go out, have dinner, laugh, entertain, escape a little from the madness they are experiencing”, comments Azevedo .

7. Is it necessary to invite them formally and with a special gift?

“Formally, yes. Make them feel privileged and aware that, among many, you chose them”, says Azevedo.

The gift is a non-mandatory treat. “I particularly enjoy the creativity of the bride and groom in surprising their godparents… I know couples who just put together a gift and insert the card/invitation inside, even others who prepare a surprise party”, comments the marriage consultant.

8. What are examples of souvenirs that can be given as an invitation to the godparents?

“We invite people with whom we have bonds to be godparents, so when the gift or souvenir refers to the bond of friendship that exists there, everything becomes more exciting”, highlights Azevedo. “Picture frames, box with sparkling wine, chocolates, mugs, personalized items… Everything is possible, from an email with a nice text, to even putting the invitation on the hamburger package (when fast food is a constant presence in meetings with this friend, for example). Look for references, but make something your own; is your godfather and not the godfather of the other couples we see on the internet”, he guides.

9. After giving a special gift/invitation to the groomsmen, do the bride and groom also need to send the “official invitation” to them?

“The godparents do not need to also receive the invitation sent to the guests. Just make sure that all of them are well informed about the location, time they should arrive and other commitments and requests that your advisor makes”, highlights Azevedo.

the costumes

This is usually a delicate point during wedding planning, after all, there are many opinions on the subject. Check out the expert’s tips and clarifications:

10. Define or not the groomsmen’s clothes?

This is a very common question these days. But, what are the advantages and disadvantages of standardizing or not standardizing the groomsmen attire?

Many people don’t standardize, because they want to make the godparents “more comfortable”, not “imposing” that they wear something they don’t think is cool or that is above their budget, for example.

Azevedo, however, advises standardizing the godparents’ attire. “I usually say: just don’t standardize if it’s really something that really, really bothers you; because standardization is essential to maintain the language and visual identity of your wedding”, says Azevedo.

“When you standardize, at least the colors, as much as some people don’t feel comfortable, they will understand; after all, godparents are people who already live with you and understand you, right?”, comments the marriage consultant.

Azevedo advises the godmothers to define at least the colors or a single color. “Show them the shade options you want, talk about the models you think are cool and don’t feel embarrassed asking them to avoid something you don’t like, like necklines, leg openings or bare backs”, she says.

“As for the groomsmen, it’s interesting to keep everyone in the same outfit, it makes everything more practical, you can even get a nice discount if you choose to rent all the outfits in the same atelier, some ‘packages’ even provide the groom’s outfit for free” , adds Azevedo.

11. If the bride and groom want to define details of the groomsmen’s clothing, how to inform them about this?

Discuss and decide these details with your advisor. “Do market research and even try on such outfits in the atelier. When it’s decided, invite all your godparents to a meeting (pizza, barbecue) and let your advisor present the options they’ve chosen… I’m sure he’ll know how to convey this to everyone without seeming like an imposition”, comments Azevedo.

“A tip: if you want to give these groomsmen gifts again on the day of the ceremony, a good option is ties for the groomsmen and bracelets for the bridesmaids”, adds the marriage consultant.

12. Is it desirable for the bride to invite the bridesmaids to get ready with her at the chosen beauty salon?

“No, on the contrary. It is preferable that the bridesmaids do not get ready together with the bride, precisely to avoid any kind of delay in the schedule. On the wedding day, everyone is sensitive, nervous and any situation can become grandiose and affect the progress of the whole”, highlights Azevedo.

“When the bride insists on living this moment with the…