Home » Guidance » How I Decided to Get Married Without Guests, Saving Money and Avoiding Unpleasant People

How I Decided to Get Married Without Guests, Saving Money and Avoiding Unpleasant People

The wedding is, even today, a ceremony idealized by many women: the white dress, the bouquet of roses, that unique and unforgettable moment. But while this ritual is still something of an object of desire, the fact is that more and more people are thinking twice before embarking on preparations for this, which is an expensive ceremony – sometimes very expensive – and full of details. that can drive anyone crazy. So my husband and I decided to forgo the wedding party and preferred to have a simple ceremony for two — not even our parents attended. And want to know? It was the most unforgettable day of our lives.

I want to share with the readers of awesome.club what are the advantages and challenges of having a marriage for two.

How it all began

Since my student days, I had already decided not to celebrate my wedding in an extravagant way. I remember that a friend got married at a young age and decided to have a big party. But for that, both her parents and the groom’s parents needed to take out loans to cover the expenses of the event. There was everything at the party: music, fancy decor, dinner in a fancy restaurant, diamond rings. The newlyweds lived together for almost a year and then broke up. But the loan installments continued to remind the two families of that union that didn’t work out.

I was godmother at another friend’s wedding. They also decided to celebrate in style: gorgeous dress, expensive restaurant, hundreds of guests. The bride told me that in addition to the high costs, there were problems related to the organization of the party. Before it was just choosing the bride’s dress, but no. How to decide who will be invited and who will be left out? Choosing a venue for the celebration is also not an easy task, not to mention the photographer, the stylist, the wedding dance, the DJ, etc. She said this has all become a major headache for everyone involved. When I asked why, then, she had decided to have such a big party instead of a simple celebration, she simply replied that her parents “wouldn’t have it any other way.” It was then that it hit me: I realized that I didn’t have the dream of getting married in the traditional sense, as we are used to.

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When my then boyfriend and I decided to get married, I was 25 and he was 27. Until then, we were already living together and had never really considered the possibility of making our relationship official. Some experts say that if the couple lives together before going down the aisle, the “man is unlikely to get married.” I disagree with this idea, because I know people who live happily without the formalization of marriage while others ended their relationships shortly after marriage. For this reason, I never worried much about it and preferred to dedicate myself to studies and my career and simply enjoy life with the person I love.

We talked about marriage in a joking tone. But one night we discussed the matter so much that we decided it was time to take that step. The very next day, my then-boyfriend took me to the registry office and we filed the paperwork. It was all so quick and simple that I couldn’t believe it was actually happening.

Initially, we wanted to call only those closest to us to celebrate. But every time I thought about the party preparations, I remembered my friends’ stories and felt very depressed. So I ended up deciding: I don’t want anything! I’m not having a wedding. Even more so because we planned to travel to celebrate our honeymoon.

Fortunately, my husband and parents supported me. When I told my mom about my intentions to get married without a wedding party, she first thought it was weird and then said, “You know what, you’re right. Your father and I had a huge party, spent a lot of money and for what? We don’t even speak to most of the guests anymore. Besides, that party was just a problem.”

the wedding day

I wasn’t nervous at all on the wedding day.🇧🇷 Also, as we told some close friends and our parents that we were getting married, I managed to avoid some uncomfortable questions like “Are you ever going to get married?”, “Still still not able to convince him to marry you?”, etc. Everything was planned and stress free, as if we were solving some day-to-day task. I even thought that at some point I would be nervous, probably when I arrived at the registry office, but that didn’t happen.

Before we signed the documents, the clerk asked if we really didn’t want a traditional celebration. We made it clear that it didn’t. She raised her eyebrows, looked with some regret, and then led us to her office. Then she read a very moving text and made the sign for us to exchange rings. It was a really beautiful moment and, according to my friends, it’s not often that a notary clerk says nice words when the bride and groom choose not to have the traditional celebration.

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I also thought it was wonderful that I didn’t buy an expensive white dress. Wedding dresses are pieces that are usually worn once and then sit in the back of the wardrobe unused. When it comes to renting dresses, many brides shy away from this idea out of superstition. it only took me an hour to choose my wedding outfit. I opted for white pants and a simple white blouse, which cost me around R$400🇧🇷 I also had a hairstyle at the hairdresser’s and my fiance was surprised that I only spent R$100. What I liked the most was that this outfit can be used on other occasions, either for a dinner with friends or for a meeting at the company where I work .

We went to the registry office to get married and then went to a restaurant. After a few glasses of wine and, perhaps, because of the emotions running high, I decided to share that special moment on the Internet. “I have nothing to hide”, I thought. And I posted a picture of us on social media. At that moment I couldn’t imagine what was about to happen.

What happened after our “for two” ceremony?

In fact, that decision helped me discover who my real friends were. For example, a relative I hadn’t spoken to in years suddenly remembered my number and texted me asking how I had the courage not to invite her.🇧🇷 I explained that there was no celebration with guests, but that wasn’t enough for her to calm down. “What do you mean you didn’t call anyone? Not her parents?” she repeated. I didn’t call anyone and I chose to celebrate only with my husband in a restaurant.

A close friend decided to ignore my post, even though I told her I wouldn’t have a party. She’d known that for a long time. But later, I learned from mutual friends that she was really upset and didn’t answer on purpose because I didn’t invite her.

After the marriage was made official, we traveled to celebrate our honeymoon, which only lasted a week. When I posted pictures from our “wedding trip”, some friends simply deleted me from their social media without saying a word. I don’t know what the reason was, but that kind of behavior says more than a thousand words.

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At the same time, I was extremely happy and heartbroken with the amount of congratulations and messages of love I received from many people, including those I least expected. I started to have closer relationships with some friends because of that. I’ve come to the conclusion that such a marriage can help you identify sincere people who really want the best for you, as well as those who just have some kind of interest.

some conclusions

Celebrating a wedding is a personal choice. If you’ve always dreamed of having a great party, be sure to make your dream come true. But if all this is to please relatives and friends, think twice or three times before making such a decision.

The wedding serves as a great opportunity to assess your household budget. Our imagination tends to associate large and luxurious parties with lasting relationships. But the statistics say otherwise: Scientists have found that couples who spend up to $10,000 on their wedding reception divorce 3.5 times less than those who spend more than $20,000. In addition, grooms who choose to buy rings between 2 and 4 thousand dollars divorce their wives, on average, 1.3 times more than lovebirds who choose simpler rings, between 500 and 2 thousand dollars.

In any case, marriage should be carried out the way you and your partner see fit. Surrounded by hundreds of guests or in a small group of people nearby; in a sublime wedding dress, feeling like a queen, or in plain jeans, feeling good about herself. Happiness between two people is not measured by the number of guests at a wedding party or even by the number of gifts.🇧🇷 Everyone has the right to choose what is best for them, following their personal values ​​and their own intuition. At the end of the day, it’s your day (and your partner’s) and no one should impose anything on you: whether it’s a loud or quiet celebration, whether it’s spending 1 million dollars or just paying your civil union fees.

How did you celebrate or plan to celebrate your wedding? Share your story!

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