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How does he feel when you don’t orgasm?

Sex should be a moment of union and pleasure for both men and women. That’s exactly why it’s very common for one to worry about the other’s sexual satisfaction: it’s likely that she will do everything to make him even more excited about the relationship, and that he will do his best to make the act really special for her. your partner.

And, as orgasm is the climax of sexual intercourse, it is normal for both the man and the woman to wait for the other to “get there”.

Keila Oliveira, psychologist, sexologist and sex therapist, points out that, decades ago, orgasm was a consequence of coitus, and the main objective was reproduction.

“Today, that role has been reversed a lot. Orgasm is the main objective and reproduction has become a consequence”, says the specialist.

If before men were not worried about the woman’s orgasm, today most of them are extremely worried and look for alternatives to satisfy their partner more and more. “Men with premature ejaculation, in fact, seek help all the time to minimize their partners’ complaints that they were left ‘in hand’”, explains the sexologist.

How do they feel?

However, despite orgasm being seen today as the main purpose of sex, it is a fact that many women have difficulties in achieving it, which, in a way, bothers men.

A survey by the Journal of Sex Research found that when women don’t reach orgasm, men feel “not enough”. This is because they understand that they have a physical responsibility to encourage their partner to reach orgasm. And if that doesn’t happen, they may start to question their sexual ability.

The same study showed that a man’s own orgasm is critical for him to enjoy sex, however, many said that there is nothing more satisfying than bringing your partner to orgasm.

Keila Oliveira explains that today’s sexual awareness allows them to be much more attuned to female satisfaction. “This is not a rule, of course. However, I find that many of them seek guidance on how to improve their performance towards female desire and satisfaction,” she says.

The sex therapist emphasizes, however, that it is important to think that female orgasm is not an exclusive legacy of men. “The woman must be the protagonist of her own desire and seek from this partner sufficient complicity and intimacy so that the relationship is mutual and pleasurable. Trying to get to know yourself and discover ways to achieve orgasm is also a woman’s responsibility. She can, along with him, get help and develop sexually,” she explains.

“But being more liberal in bed and being more apt for a pleasurable relationship must be a female goal today,” says Keila.

Why do some women have difficulty reaching orgasm?

The answer to this question has two main explanations. Keila Oliveira highlights, first of all, that this difficulty is due to the fact that women do not know each other sexually as men do. “They masturbate from a very early age and learn to achieve orgasm and learn about mechanisms that facilitate their arrival. Women, very repressed from an early age, learn to masturbate much later, they are ashamed and afraid… These factors are conditioning factors for this difficulty”, she says.

Allied to this fact, explains the sexologist, the female anatomy also makes it difficult for some women to achieve orgasm with penetration. “A large proportion get it just by clitoral stimulation,” she adds.

What to do?

As the sexologist Keila has already highlighted, it is essential that the woman tries to get to know herself more and discover, together with her partner, what are the best ways to reach orgasm.

“It is also necessary that the woman exercise her own orgasm with the practice of masturbation. This implies trying different ways, sensations and frequencies of movements”, explains Keila. “I always suggest Kegel exercises, which are easy to do and can be found endlessly on the internet. They help to have a bigger and better body and pelvic awareness. The golden tip is to associate masturbation with the practice of these exercises,” she adds.

Regarding accessories, the sexologist highlights that the most suitable ones to help women in this aspect, without a doubt, are vibrators, which allow them to experience the various vibratory frequencies, in the pursuit of this very precious objective. “Some types of gels also help you experience different sensations, like hot and cold, etc.,” she says.

Keila adds that the cross-legged position during penetration can also help. “The important thing is to find positions where the penis can rub the clitoris more. That way it’s easier to have a vaginal orgasm, added to a clitoral orgasm,” she says.

Despite all these tips and information, it is worth noting that having orgasm as a goal does not imply an exclusive condition to define a sexual relationship. “Occasionally we have intercourse without the presence of orgasm and this is part of the daily life of a sexually active couple. However, I always ask people whose sexual desire is low to ask themselves how the quality of sex is going and if the frequent absence of orgasm is the factor that generates this low desire”, concludes sexologist Keila.

All this shows how important it is for the couple to maintain a good dialogue. And that, together, man and woman can discover the best way to reach orgasm, without rush, without charges and without guilt.

Tais Romanelli

Journalist graduated in 2009 (58808/SP), freelance writer since 2013, totally adept at working from home. Communicative, always full of topics to talk about and inspiration to write. Responsible at work and outside of it; dedicated to commitments and the people with whom she lives; in love with family, dogs, home, the sea, moments of tranquility and also excitement.

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