Demisexual: Understand who needs connection to relate

Human sexuality is a complex topic. Although there are several taboos and prejudices on the subject, we live in a time when it is possible to have more freedom. In this scenario, new ways of relating arise and it is necessary to be informed about them. Do you know what a demisexual person is? Read and find out more about it.

what is demisexuality

The psychologist Letícia Pavani (CRP: 08/31511) tells us that, since the 19th century, psychoanalysis has confronted the biological conception in sexology. That is, sex is no longer treated as a male-female union for the purpose of procreation. Thus, sexuality is a complex issue, which involves multiple factors and manifests itself in different ways.

For a demisexual person, sexual desire only happens if there is some form of prior connection. It can be an emotional, affective, intellectual, psychological bond, among others. Therefore, physical attraction alone is irrelevant. “Love is a form of impulse and, while some need to desire the other in order to love, others love in order to desire, as is the case of the demisexual and demyromantic”, explains the psychologist.

7 facts you need to know about demisexuality

If, even with the definition, it was difficult to understand, we have selected below some facts about demisexuality for you to understand better.

1. There must be a connection: the connection can occur in many ways, which is very subjective for each person. The demisexual group is not homogeneous, and what is a connection for one person may not be for another, but the need for connection is common to all people who identify as demisexual.
2. There are differences between demisexual and demirromantic: “sexual attraction in the demisexual is guided by an encounter and a closer and more intimate experience, while in the demisexual there is a romantic/loving attraction based on the equation of this encounter”, explains Letícia.
3. Gender can determine attraction or not: the demisexual person may be attracted to the opposite gender, to the same, to non-binary people, or even, gender may not be a relevant factor for attraction.
4. It’s not a matter of choice: while many people choose not to have a sexual relationship for moral or religious reasons, demisexuals do not do so by choice, but because they feel sexual attraction only when there is a bond.
5. It’s a discovery fraught with doubts: the demisexual discovery process can involve a lot of doubts. During the trajectory, it is common to question about sexuality in general. It may happen, for example, that the person wonders if he is asexual before reaching full recognition.
6. Psychology is unable to explain the topic: Letícia explains that psychology has not yet focused enough on sexuality as a whole. Therefore, demisexuality and other relatively new manifestations of sexuality still do not have theories and approaches that deal with this complexity within psychology. There is still much to be discovered and studied.
7. Invisibility has major consequences: the social influences a lot in sexual practices and can generate a lot of dissatisfaction. “Where there should be satisfaction, there is disgust, and where there should be delivery and satisfaction, there is shyness”, explains the psychologist. To deal with this complexity within herself, Letícia makes a recommendation: “it is necessary to obtain an authorization, signed by herself, to enjoy sexual satisfaction”.

Despite the challenges faced by demisexuals, Letícia has a recommendation: “The discovery of interests and objects that bring us satisfaction takes place from the exploration of this road with the encounters and disagreements that we are authorized to make along our journey”. Therefore, it is worth allowing yourself and knowing yourself to find sexual satisfaction and thus live better.

Experiences with demisexuality

Demisexual discovery is a complex process and doubts often arise. Having contact with reports of demisexual people can help you discover yourself, accept or deal with understanding with demisexual people around you. Check out inspiring stories:

demisexual experience

The youtuber tells how she discovered herself demisexual and how her acceptance process was. She recounts her trajectory during her adolescence and talks about how she discovered that she needed to build affective bonds to fully relate.

Process of accepting demisexuality

The video talks about the pressure that demisexual people can be under for feeling that way. It also brings an inspiring story for demisexuals to accept themselves the way they are, regardless of society’s demands.

Challenges of demisexuality

In this video, the issues of discovery and self-acceptance of demisexuality are addressed. In addition, the challenges of relating to someone being demisexual and how to deal with this complexity are presented.

When in doubt, the best thing to do is to inform yourself. So, also check out facts about bisexuality and break your taboos.