No matter how unromantic you are, at some point in your life, have you ever thought that your greatest achievement would be to find your fairytale prince/princess, take him/her to the altar and that from there “they would live happily ever after”. Maybe it’s the fault of the damn fairy tales that never told if Cinderella or Snow White had children, if they took care of the house or if they fought over silly things or if they chose the right prince.

Since the books don’t say, we consulted some experts who gave us tips to know when the relationship is in crisis and especially how to get out of that crisis and we will share it with you in this article!

life for two

Many of us only realize what life together means when we get back from our honeymoon. That’s when the charm ends and the harsh reality begins. The routine of going to bed and waking up with the same person every day, sharing feelings that range from the morning’s bad mood to the endless tiredness at the end of the day is not a simple task.

Individual beings who lived with their families, or alone, may never have seen themselves the way they really are.

Habits like “I only sleep with the fan on”, or “don’t stick the butter”, or “look at how you squeeze out the toothpaste”, in addition to wet towels on the bed can drive anyone crazy and ends up being a door gateway to disagreements.

But the biggest problem of all is to think that one is able to read the other’s mind.

I’ll tell you a secret: no one reads minds! Many couples utter phrases such as: “doesn’t he/she realize that I wanted him/her to be with me?” or “Can’t he see that I’m upset?” No, he/she doesn’t. If you want to have a healthy relationship, away from the hurts, start communicating.

I saw wonderful couples break up without even knowing the reason for lack of communication. I talk about expressing what you feel even in relation to quirks. If something bothers you, there’s only one way to solve it: talking!

Choose the words so you don’t get into a fight for nothing, but say what you feel. To communicate is to open up. Show who you are by saying what you like, your plans, your day… your partner as your best friend, because with time what’s left of a relationship is friendship!

marriage in crisis

Couples who don’t communicate and don’t express themselves easily go into crisis in their marriage. The silence drives away the couple who, over the months, no longer recognize each other.

Read Also: In health and in sickness, and let nothing separate us.

In a marriage in crisis the partners stop exchanging information about their lives. Have you ever thought about finding out about your husband/wife’s promotion or other professional life issue from a colleague or family member?

It is important to know that like us, our married life also has phases. Stress or problems at work and even health can shake the structures of a marriage. If you’re living in a moment like this, wait for it to pass.

If it’s just a phase, when the problem is resolved, you’ll easily get back together. But while you wait, talk to your partner. If the distance is on his/her part, show that you’re around for when he/she needs it. If it’s your part, explain what’s on your mind and ask him to stay by your side. With love and a little patience everything will be solved!

SEE ALSO: WHAT IS YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE? TAKE OUR TEST AND FIND OUT NOW!

problems in marriage

It’s really not simple to keep life together, but know that every relationship goes through ups and downs. The psychologist and master in cognition and language João Oliveira, author of “Know Who Is In Front Of You” (Wak Editora)explains that the body speaks and that we can, through this language, understand if the relationship is in fact going through a crisis.

See below for some tips:

Not looking directly into the other’s eyes can indicate that things are not going well. According to João Oliveira, avoiding the other’s gaze means that he may be hiding something, especially if he is looking down with shrugged shoulders.
Failing to touch and kiss is another sign that the relationship is not going well. The psychologist explains that affection or unpretentious touch without ulterior motives, indicates affection and affection and the lack of it is a warning sign.
Many couples may disagree, but not holding hands is, according to the therapist, the main sign that there is no affection in this relationship. “People who are really involved almost always go hand in hand or at least closer than usual.” Other experts also add that not only holding hands, but the way they do it can reveal how their sex lives are going. “When they are sexually good, the couple tends to intertwine their fingers when holding hands.”
Crossing your arms and hiding your hands underneath reveals pent-up aggression. “Whoever does that doesn’t like the person in front of him and hides his anger with his hands under his crossed arms”, says João Oliveira.
Stand with your toes facing the door or away from your partner. “Looking at their feet, you can get an idea of whether or not a couple is in sync. If they are talking but their feet point in another direction, the relationship is no longer charged with desire,” she says. It is important to remember that according to the psychologist, the analysis must be done observing the left foot in the case of right-handed people and the right in the case of left-handed people.
Exposing the palms of the hands in a conversation indicates honesty, but, “If the palms of the hands are always hidden, or on the knees, for example, it is a sign that something is being hidden, which is not a good sign for the relationship”.

Read Also: 15-things-you-need-to-be-aware-if-you-want-to-date-someone-who-has-children - I Fell In Love

How to save a relationship

If the information above leads you to believe that you are going through a crisis, here are some tips that will help you change your behavior and cultivate a healthy and happy relationship.

1. No more charges

You know those couples who live screaming, attacking each other and who throw everything they do in the face demanding the same from the other? If you are this type, pay attention: People are different.

What is important to you may be off the other person’s priority list. So if you decide to prepare lunch, clean the house, wash and iron his clothes, organize the closet by color, etc., do it with the greatest affection in the world, but never expect anything in return. Love, affection and attention exist to be distributed and those who donate should feel happy for that.

If you think he or she should do something in return, reevaluate your stance. Nobody owes anybody anything. Just as you want them to love you the way you are, do the same.

2. No more emotional games

When we assume a life together, this must be true, without masks, disguises or games. Feeling like kissing your husband/wife and not doing it to get revenge because he/she arrived late is depriving yourself of living wonderful moments.

Letting your monsters dominate you making your life hell just to make someone else’s life hell, it’s not marriage either here or in China. Forget the clichés, what they will say and live your feelings. If you want to give affection, give it. If you want to call, call. Don’t play games and don’t accept being played with you. Emotional maturity is also part of growth. Seek it.

3. Pay attention to details

Except in cases of betrayal or violence, marriages do not end overnight. They deteriorate over time. These are small details that weigh heavily and one day fall apart. The late dinner that you say let it go but that you ruminate with your pillow. That call he/she took in the office away from you. The crossed sentences, the silence or the inappropriate comment. These little things may seem silly, but if they bother you, they should be thrown out. Don’t let the details get in the way of your relationship.

Read Also: What do you like most about him?

4. Nobody is perfect

Early on I commented on meeting the prince and of course we made an analogy. It turns out that some people actually wait for the fairy tale in such a way that they don’t accept or understand someone’s real love.

They think the relationship has come to an end because they no longer feel that butterflies in their stomachs when they had their first kiss, or when they were dating. With that thought, marriage is in crisis for sure.

They expect a movie love, thinking they would spend the rest of their lives sighing in the corners. Save the sighs for when you go to watch a romantic movie! First time charms are for the first time, not the second or third time…

Just because I don’t feel passion doesn’t mean I don’t love you more. As relationships mature, the mad passion fades and gives way to more valuable feelings like companionship.

Can you imagine being able to count on someone to hold your hand when you receive bad news, or spend the night awake by your side waiting for the baby’s fever to pass?

5. Learn to live with defects

“No one loves another person for the qualities they have, otherwise the honest, friendly, non-smokers would have a line of suitors slamming the door.”

This is an excerpt from Arnaldo Jabor’s chronicle called Crônica do Amor and it talks precisely about loving others for their faults.

Nobody is perfect and if you are together it’s because you should be. And that if he said he loves you, believe it. There are no defects in you that cannot be accepted as well.

6. Go in the same direction

And finally, do the following exercise: imagine yourself 5 years from now. Is this person full of flaws who sleeps next to you and who you love despite your snoring there? If you have the courage (you better have!) ask him/her the same question.

If the two, despite everything, still see each other together, so be it. Accept yourself as you are or with the changes that life has given you. Hold hands, talk a lot and stay together. It’s not worth making decisions based on anger or what people want you to do. Embrace your love and be happy!