BDSM: What It Means and Top Tips for Beginners

Have you ever heard of BDSM? The subject gained a lot of prominence with the movie “50 Shades of Grey”, but it is still a taboo for many people. Others are very interested in learning a little more about the subject. To clarify doubts for those who want to know more about the practice, we consulted Tatiana T. Bovolini (CRP – 98621), sexologist and psychologist. She enumerated tips, terms and the main doubts about BDSM.

7 foolproof tips to get you started

Tatiana explains that BDSM stands for “Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Submission, Sadism and Masochism”. The term refers to sexual intercourse based on the pleasure of pain. It is a practice that demands respect and consent from those involved in it and that requires knowledge of it as a whole.

Thus, it is a practice that can confuse some people and have its purpose distorted. For beginners, BDSM is a universe to be explored and some tips can make this process easier. Check out some tips to start practicing BDSM.

1. Safeword

The safe word or “safeword” refers to a word chosen by the partners to guarantee the safety of the act. This word is said by the submissive when he wants to stop the practice. The safe word must be respected above all.

But which word should I use? The tip is to use words that are easy to understand and that cannot be used in another context or generate some misrepresentation. For example, if you use the word “stop” as a safeword, you can further increase the will of those who are dominating. Opt for simple words such as “sky”, “stone”, “sea”. Feel free to choose.

2. Accessories

BDSM practice is optimized with the use of accessories. There is a plethora of accessories such as handcuffs, bondage kit, whips and much more.

Here, the tip is to choose accessories that offer safety and comfort. Look for the products in reputable sex shop stores. The handcuffs, for example, must have a safety lock so that your partner is not trapped. Know your body and your partner, know the limits of both, so you can choose lighter accessories or ones that hurt more.

3. Trust

For the practice of BDSM, trust in the other person is essential. You need to choose someone you can trust and who you feel completely comfortable with.

4. Knowledge

For the practice of BDSM to be cool, you need to seek knowledge. Knowledge about your own body, about the practice, about the environment and about the person you will share this relationship with.

5. Be careful

Whoever is dominating must pay full attention to the reactions of the one who is being dominated. It is necessary to identify which sensations are going through. If your partner is in pain, is tired, or is feeling pleasure.

Pay attention to the moment of enjoyment of those who are being dominated. Use this awareness to control the timing of orgasm. This control will increase the desire to enjoy and when it happens, it will be an explosion of attunement.

6. Know the roles and be completely

Understand the roles in a BDSM relationship. If you are a dominatrix, act like one, maintain a controlling posture and a determined look.

7. Exchange-exchange

A BDSM relationship has well-defined roles, but nothing prevents, with the consent of both, there is an exchange of roles at a given moment. Thus, it is possible to experience various situations and experience experiences that will improve the practice.

These are the tips for those who are starting to know the universe of BDSM. Of course, with time, the tips are other and more in-depth. For now, try to follow these 7 little tips that we have prepared for you to start this search for the pleasure that the relationship offers.

BDSM Dictionary: Terms you need to know

BDSM practice is a practice packed with information, rules, and more. It also brings up some very specific terms that are known to practitioners. Meet some of the most famous and essential terms in BDSM.

BDSM

As mentioned above, BDSM stands for “Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Submission, Sadism and Masochism”, but each term has its own meaning.

Bondage means bonding, bonding and refers to the practice of tying or restricting the partner’s movements. The term discipline, in BDSM, refers to compliance with the rules and norms established between the two.

The terms domination and submission, on the other hand, refer to the roles of the participants. A BDSM relationship contains someone who dominates and someone who dominates.

Sadomasochism, the S and M, refers to those who like to encourage suffering, sadism, and those who feel satisfied, masochists, allowing the sadist to stimulate that suffering during practice.

Dom and Domme

It refers to who dominates. Gift for a dominator and domme for the dominator. They control the submissive consentingly.

Sub

It is the one who allows himself to dominate with consent. It’s the submissive. The term is valid for both men and women.

Scene

It is when an interaction takes place, a performance of the BDSM relationship. It can happen anywhere, as long as the couple, consentingly, assumes their roles of dom/domme and sub. It’s a kind of erotic game.

Slave

It is the one who consents to give total control to the other.

SSC

It means sane, safe and consensual. It is the acronym that guides all BDSM practice. It must respect the mental, physical and emotional health of those involved.

switcher

The term refers to the person who changes roles, is the person who plays the role of dominator and submissive.

Vanilla

It is the term used for people who do not practice BDSM. It is used because it refers to the most bland flavor of ice cream.

Collar

It can be just an accessory used in practice, but it can be something that marks the official BDSM relationship, a symbol. When a dominator and a submissive make a relationship official, they are said to have put on a leash.

Initially, these are the main terms you need to know to start practicing BDSM. The universe of these relationships is quite complex and there are several things to be learned over time.

More information and curiosities

Of course, the practice raises several doubts and it is very important to solve them before starting a BDSM relationship.

Thus, sexologist Tatiana clarifies some of the main doubts and exposes curiosities and information on the subject. Check out:

BDSM does not always involve sexual practices

Exactly! BDSM practice doesn’t always involve sex. It can be something quite intense and sensual, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be a sexual relationship. For example, a massage can be a BDSM practice.

50 Shades of Gray has nothing to do with BDSM

Tatiana says that the book does not address the practice 100% correctly. It brings a lot of fantasy and some disrespect in the relationship between practitioners, some breaches of rules, etc.

Is it possible to suffocate safely?

One of the biggest questions about BDSM practices is hanging, is it a safe practice or can it hurt the sub. For the sexologist, it is possible to safely practice suffocation.

In this way, everything in the practice of BDSM must be done in a safe way, with the consent of both. It is important to conduct research and understand the practice of hanging.

Can BDSM be considered domestic violence?

There is a lot of distortion about what this type of relationship really is and how it works. Tatiana states that the practice cannot be considered domestic violence in any way. In the case of BDSM, there is a consensus among practitioners and no one is obligated to do anything.

Is the practice of BDSM among homosexual couples possible?

Although many people believe that only women can play the role of sub, this practice does not segregate gender or sexuality and everyone can be adept at it. Just find a partner who wants to practice it, study a lot on the subject and be happy!

Is there love between a couple who perform the practice?

Yes, it is possible that there is love. Some couples already come from a long relationship or are already married.

Despite this, some couples prefer to maintain the contractual relationship, without emotional ties. What matters is that you feel good and know your limits.

Will I ever be able to say no to the dominator?

Everything that is done in BDSM is with consent, so it is possible to deny an action. But for the practice to be carried out completely, it is important that there is a lot of conversation between the two.

These are the main questions that may arise for those who are interested in performing the practice. It’s important to know a lot about BDSM and clear all your doubts before starting.

As we said, BDSM practice is quite complex and requires studies, research and exchanges of experience so that it fulfills its true role, which is to give pleasure through pain.

Now it’s time to put these tips into practice and start getting to know yourself better. But never forget: you are not obligated to do anything and everything has to be done with your consent!