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Attachment parenting encourages strong parent-child bonding

Raising children who are completely happy, intelligent, responsible, polite, tolerant, with good self-esteem… These are certainly some of the desires of most parents. However, unfortunately, there is no “formula” that defines how to educate a child in the best possible way, guaranteeing that he will be a child and, later, an adult with admirable character and, above all, a totally happy person.

There’s no denying it, raising and raising a child is a daily challenge for parents. And, of course, suggestions will always come up, especially for first-time parents: “you have to set limits for the child”; “it is not right to answer the baby whenever he calls”; “you can’t give everything your child asks for not leaving him spoiled” are just a few examples of phrases that can come in the form of advice.

However, as good as the intention of the one who advises may be, often this only serves to make parents even more in doubt about how they should act.

When hearing about Attachment Parenting, many people may immediately think of a “set of rules to follow”. But, as we already know, there is no formula for upbringing/education that works exactly the same in all families (since each one has its particularities). In this sense, the term refers to tools that help parents bond with their children by consistently and lovingly meeting the baby’s needs. It does not impose rules, but rather provides guidance based on serious research and known to be effective in helping children develop secure attachments.

The principles of Attachment Creation are first and foremost broadly defined and can thus be applied to a wide range of familiar realities.

Bete P. Rodrigues, mother, teacher graduated in Letters (PUC-SP), with a master’s degree in Applied Linguistics (LAEL-PUC/SP), speaker, education consultant and translator of the book Positive Discipline, comments that, based on the Theory of attachment, Creation with Attachment has been studied for over 60 years by researchers in psychology and child development. “These studies have revealed that babies are born with strong basic needs: closeness, protection and predictability. If these needs are met, the child develops fully,” she says.

What is Attachment Creation?

But anyway, what is Creation with Attachment? How can it be defined?

For Bete, “it is a conscious, active creation, in which parents and caregivers care for the well-being and, consequently, the integral development of the child”.

The so-called Attachment Parenting provides tools that help parents bond with their children by consistently and lovingly meeting the baby’s needs. This is the starting point, but it is also believed that along the way, they end up teaching their child valuable lifelong lessons such as empathy and compassion.

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And, it was with the aim of transmitting serious guidelines to parents – they should be seen as “tools” (allowing adults to evaluate each one of them and choose those that best suit their needs/reality) – that the API (Attachment Parenting International) ) created The Eight Principles of Attachment Creation.

the 8 principles

Bete points out that the principles were based on several studies and are known to be effective in helping children develop secure attachments. “The API also recognizes that each family has unique circumstances, with their own resources and needs. The Eight Principles of Attachment Parenting are intended to: help parents better understand their children’s normal development; to identify the needs of their children; to respond to their children with respect and empathy,” she says.

1. Preparing for gestation, birth and rearing

The beginning of everything and a fundamental part of Creation with Attachment. It is taken into account that pregnancy offers parents an opportunity to prepare physically, mentally and emotionally for parenthood.

This does not mean, however, being attentive only to material things associated with pregnancy and baby care: clothes, clothes for the pregnant woman, essential utensils, etc. But it refers to the need for parents to be really involved in preparing for the arrival of this new family member, keeping themselves informed and also creating a loving environment.

Some practical guidelines for this, according to the API, are:

  • Reflect on your own childhood experiences and current beliefs about parenting.
  • Inquire about breeding philosophies.
  • Inform yourself about the different types of births, not getting carried away by the myths and opinions of others. Always remember that the birth is yours.
  • Explore different types of health plans so you can plan.
  • Find out about the benefits of natural childbirth.
  • Study about the importance of breastfeeding.
  • Have healthy habits to ensure a good pregnancy: eat nutritious foods, exercise regularly, avoid stressful situations whenever possible.
  • Maintain a strong, healthy relationship with your partner.
  • Research the “routines” for newborn care, such as bathing, blood tests, etc. Register your preferences and share them with the healthcare professionals who will assist you.
  • Consider a birth and/or postpartum doula and be prepared to have extra help in the first few weeks after giving birth.
  • Be prepared to ask, if necessary, if an unexpected situation occurs at birth or with the newborn: What are the benefits of this intervention? What are the risks and possible outcomes? What are the other options?
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2. Feeding with love and respect

This principle underscores that building strong bonds through food is something a person can carry for a lifetime. It does not refer only to the act of breastfeeding in the sense of providing nutrients to the baby, but also to the conscious feeding of children and the use of meals as moments of union with the family.

Some of the considerations within this principle, according to the API, are:

  • Breastfeeding satisfies the baby’s nutritional and emotional needs. It’s better than any other infant feeding method.
  • Breastfeeding is one of the most primitive ways for a mother to initiate a secure attachment bond with her baby.
  • The baby should be fed on demand, that is, whenever he gives signals (before he starts crying).
  • Breastfeeding continues to be nutritionally, immunologically and emotionally important after one year.
  • In addition to the benefits for the baby, breastfeeding offers benefits for the mother.
  • Breastfeeding is a valuable tool for the mother to give her baby comfort and security in a natural way.
  • Before deciding to use a bottle and pacifier, inform yourself about the possible problems that exist in the baby’s development with the use of artificial teats. Evaluate alternatives such as cup, probe, among others.
  • If the mother cannot breastfeed, it is important for the bond to reserve food only for the mother.
  • Simulate breastfeeding behaviors when bottle-feeding: hold baby when bottle-feeding, positioning him close to the breast; maintain eye contact, speak calmly and lovingly; change position (from side to side); feed when baby signals etc.
  • Associate the use of the bottle and pacifier with the lap and exclusive attention to the baby.
  • Start introducing solid foods when your baby shows signs of being ready, and not necessarily based on age.
  • Let the baby give signals about what and how much to eat, letting him develop his taste buds naturally.
  • Food gradually takes the place of milk in terms of caloric need, but breastfeeding continues to meet other needs such as comfort and development.
  • If you need to wean before your baby shows signs of being ready, do so gently.

Bete emphasizes that breastfeeding undoubtedly brings many benefits to mother and baby. “In addition to nutritional and emotional functions, breastfeeding brings comfort to the baby in a natural way,” she says.

3. Responding with sensitivity

The API understands that parents can build the foundation of trust and empathy by responding appropriately to their child’s needs. Babies communicate their needs in different ways (through body movements, facial expressions, and crying) and will learn to trust sensitively when their needs are consistently met.

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But that’s not to say that building a strong bond with your baby means only consistently responding to your baby’s physical needs, but also: having a pleasant time interacting with your baby, and therefore meeting their emotional needs as well.

It is worth noting that parents may come across myths about pampering a baby, or receive unsolicited advice from family, friends and the media. While well-meaning, some of this advice often goes against science, facts about normal development, and even parents’ own intuitive feelings. Above all, Attachment Parenting considers that, in the course of a child’s normal development, babies form primary bonds with the person(s) who spend most of their time nurturing and caring for them (usually the mother and child). /or parent) and frequent cuddling and interaction enhance the secure bond.

In this context, some of the considerations within this principle (Respond with Sensitivity), according to the API, are:

  • Babies’ brains are immature and significantly underdeveloped at birth, so they are not able to calm down on their own.
  • Through the consistent and repeated response of a loving adult, the child learns to calm down.
  • Understand your child’s natural internal rhythms, and try to program yourself around them.
  • It is perfectly normal for a baby to constantly want physical contact.
  • High levels of stress, which can happen, for example, in prolonged crying sessions, cause the baby to experience an unbalanced chemical state in the brain, which can put him at risk of experiencing physical and emotional problems in the future.
  • If you need extra support and/or professional help, don’t hesitate to reach out to them. Exhaustion or an inability to handle your baby’s needs are signs that you need it.
  • Angry outbursts, also known as “tantrums”, represent real emotions and should be taken seriously, even if the reasons seem “silly” to adults.
  • Parents, during an outburst of anger, should act comforting their child, not getting angry or punishing the baby.
  • Older children (who are no longer babies) must also continue to be cared for by their parents. You need to nurture a very close connection, by respecting the child’s feelings and trying to understand the needs behind their behaviors.
  • Show interest in your child’s activities, and enthusiastically participate in the games suggested by your child.

Bete comments that if the baby is clearly cared for (rested, clean, fed) and…

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