Advice from psychologists to console those who have suffered tragedies

Few people really know how to support someone who is going through a difficult situation.

We, from awesome.club, we turn to specialists in one of the most emotionally demanding and responsible professions: emergency psychologists. We have discovered how to properly comfort someone who has experienced a misfortune, such as the loss of a loved one. This article is not easy to read, but it’s important to know.

Tears are always good

Normally, we tend to comfort a person whose heart has broken into a thousand pieces with a “don’t cry” and some tranquilizers that we have on hand.

However, you must remember something important: crying is a natural reaction when a misfortune happens. That’s why you need to give the person the opportunity to cry all they want, instead of trying to calm them down at all costs.

But if the person does not cry (if, for example, they laugh hysterically, fall into a lethargy, behave in a strange and inappropriate way), it probably means that they are in denial. He does not want to accept the tragedy, which can lead to even more regrettable consequences, even suicide. Approach and talk to the person: ask questions about the situation. For example, in the case of the loss of a loved one, start talking about them. Ask what this person was like, what he meant to your interlocutor, what they talked about the last time they saw each other. Usually, the person can’t stand it and starts crying. And, as we already mentioned, tears are a good sign. With them comes the understanding and acceptance of the new situation: now without the loved one.

Don’t be afraid to talk about misfortune

Continuing the previous point, even if the person is hysterical and crying non-stop, don’t be afraid to talk to him about what happened, or avoid the subject. Firstly, it is better to give vent to your emotions now, being with you, than at home alone. Second, the person may not be thinking about anything else at the moment. Let her say whatever occupies her mind, let her vent: it’s important to give her this opportunity.

paint the near future

The next important point is to plan with the person their future after what happened and establish their reasons for living (because sometimes they may think that they no longer exist).

When we work with people who have gone through tragedy, we try to build a close perspective for them. You need to let them know that there will be a lot to do first, paperwork, funeral. They will understand and at the same time not understand what happens, and then the full force of pain will hit them. For a while it will be very difficult. You will have to establish a routine: get up, wash your face, have breakfast, go to work. And you need to tell them that they will feel better in time. What is truth.

What to do next? For example, taking care of children, keeping the person’s memory, fulfilling his dream (if, for example, the deceased dreamed of traveling to London, go in his place, live his dream), dedicate yourself to charity, etc. Once again: you need to encourage the person to continue with their life.

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If you are with children, always tell the truth.

One of the most complicated situations is talking to children. See the opinion of experts on the subject:

With children you must be sincere, tell them the truth. In the case of a tragedy, the child must experience it with his family. It doesn’t matter your age. The scariest thing in your life is over. But children often blame themselves for everything that happens in the world. And if adults leave the child out of this situation, he may feel guilty. She must understand that a misfortune has happened. And that she is not alone in this unhappiness.

No scolding please

Your task is to patiently listen to the person (preferably, put yourself at the same height, hold his hand or hug him), without interrupting him, keeping calm, even if he has a hysterical attack. The most important thing is to forget about reproaches. Even if the person took the wrong steps before the tragedy, don’t remind them of it.

Highlight the person’s strengths

Finally, the worst of all is when the person has the feeling that he is a victim of circumstances, that fate is unfair to him and that everyone should feel sorry for him. The most regrettable thing is that loved ones themselves encourage this feeling, because they believe it is the best thing to do.

If the person adopts the victim position and begins to live like that, over time he can receive the so-called “secondary benefits” and shape the family’s life according to his wishes. For example, he will stop leaving the house, he will try to keep everyone around him: “Don’t leave me alone. I feel bad. I’m afraid and I don’t want to live anymore.” Under these conditions, the normal life of the family cannot be recovered.

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In short, remember that obviously you must help a friend or loved one, but you must also integrate them into this process. Overprotection kills, it makes a person think: “if everyone says so, in fact everything is so bad that I can’t deal with it.” She will then come to believe and everything will really go wrong.

A disgraced person is very susceptible. If you tell her all the time, “Lie down, poor thing, you look so bad,” she will feel that way. But if you sow the idea that she is strong and can handle it, then she will believe and she will feel better.