A psychologist, mother of a large family, offered 10 tips on raising children that are already followed by thousands of people

Larisa Surkova is a child and family psychologist with many years of experience, the author of 16 books on psychology and youth education, and a popular blogger (her Instagram account already has over 1.5 million subscribers). Furthermore, she is a mother of 5 children and married for over 20 years. Especially for our readers, we’ve gathered the most valuable advice on parenting that this “supermom” shared.

Larisa, her husband and children live in a country house, where they also have four dogs, four cats, lizards, snails, a fish and chickens. At the awesome.clubwe admire how Larisa has time to do everything and how easily she can explain child psychology and share her knowledge with others.

On the mother’s state of mind depends, to a large extent, that of the home and family: the calmer she is, the less scandals there will be. But life isn’t perfect and we aren’t robots either. Larisa Surkova advises, in a stressful situation, to breathe in cycles: do 3 deep inhalations and 3 exhalations of the same type. For this, it is important to do it out loud.

Or try to chew it, it doesn’t matter what it is. The main thing is to make these chewing movements with the jaw, because this is a good way to distract the brain at this time. Rinse your mouth with cold water or hop on one foot: Methods similar to these will help you stay calm and avoid talking more than necessary.

We often think that our love is something very obvious for our child, since we walk with him, give him toys, read books before going to bed … But it is important let every child hear that he is loved: these words are never too much It is especially relevant when a second child appears in the family: the first-born often needs more love and attention, giving rise to jealousy.

During this period, the mother’s love should not be divided, but multiplied. Find time to explain to the child that you have not begun to love him less, listen carefully when he responds. Try to find time to be with each of your children alone doing their favorite activities, don’t be afraid to “outgrow” them. This will help children to better deal with jealousy and to grow up to be affectionate and capable of loving.

Yes, it is very difficult to contain emotions when a child is naughty and anger boils inside you. But negative emotions are not a good traveling companion. Even if the child’s behavior is completely annoying, it is better to postpone conversations that deal with serious problems until the next day.

Conflicts and quarrels before going to sleep make children afraid of loneliness, bringing with it the unpleasant feeling of “nobody loves me”. And for teenagers in particular, a lot of things go through their heads. So leave it to talk in the morning.

Being a parent is one of life’s most important roles, but not the only one. Don’t forget: don’t postpone your interests waiting for better times, live fully in the company of your children.

Do what only you want: sign up for dance classes, read your favorite book, go to a cafe with your friends… You can spend your whole life looking for something ideal, but perfectionism doesn’t make us happier. Give yourself the right to rest without remorse, take breaks, enjoy life: all this will allow you to break away from the routine and recharge your “battery”. As they say, a happy mother has happy children.

This may not be easy, but it is still worth delegating the responsibility of studying to the children. The beginning of studies is the best time to instill in them that they must assume such responsibility and be independent. It’s the constant control only leads to a childishness that ends up preventing the child from learning to make his own decisions.

It is necessary to explain to children that studies, first of all, are necessary for themselves. On the contrary, it may happen that, once this burden is carried on your shoulders, you become a slave to it all your life. It is important for parents to give their children more freedom, entrusting them with more and more responsibilities, believing that they will carry them out successfully. After all, even a 7-year-old son or daughter can do a lot of things on their own, they just have to figure it out.

For children, it is important to see parents not only in the role of father and mother, but also as loving spouses. It’s great if you find time for dates, if both parents take care of each other, hug, kiss and give each other gifts. If the parents are happy together, the children will only gain from it.

Normally, society tends to infer which emotions and activities are masculine or feminine, which ends up generating, since childhood, a difference between genders in relation to tasks in general. Try to ask your child for help more often, because even a 3-year-old can carry a carton of milk with him until he gets home. Let him know his help is appreciated and don’t forget to thank him. You will see how important and rewarding this will be for him.

Do not forbid the boys to cry, remember to support them and strengthen their confidence that they will be able to cope with difficulties and that everything will eventually be resolved. Teach him to take care of himself by doing housework: this will build more self-confidence and, in the future, help him to be a good husband and find a wife, not a servant.

Giving encouragement is much more effective than punishment. Children actually like emotional rewards: going fishing, going to an exhibition or a picnic. Such activities motivate them to study and this will give them a lot of vivid impressions that will remain in their memory for a long time.
all life.

Do not abuse punishments, avoid shouting and 100% reject any kind of physical punishment. If these methods work, it will only be at the beginning, but then, little by little, they will become habitual and eventually lead to irreparable damage: they generate negative emotions and lead to the development of neurosis in the child.

It is important to plan not only your own affairs, but also your children’s activities and rest. This helps parents understand when and what their children do, how to properly distribute their work and rest, and how to plan time to rest together. There are several ways to do this: for example, you can use Google Calendar.

Larisa doesn’t limit her children when it comes to choosing their activities, but she tries to tell them that if they have more than 5 extracurricular activities a week, it will be difficult to do them.

It shouldn’t be uncommon to see young children lying. Paying attention to this will definitely be worth it, but this behavior is not a reason for panic. To begin with, it is worth investigating what motivated the child to do this, and only then start acting. The most common causes of childhood lies are the fear of punishment for a specific fact, the desire to materialize the expectations of your parents, or a lie for the good: in this way, children protect each other or someone they love.

To avoid this, talk to them more often and praise their honesty and courage, because they were not afraid to acknowledge or confess a wrongdoing. Maintain a trusting relationship with them: this will make it easier for you to discover what is in your heart. And, of course, to avoid the lies, always be an example.

Which of Larisa’s advice can you apply in your life from today? Do you have your own secrets for raising your children?