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7 Strategies to find harmony when sharing a bed with your partner

Sleeping with another person not only guarantees feelings of intimacy, security and closeness, but also has considerable health benefits, including reduced cortisol levels and reduced inflammation. Overall, it’s a very positive thing.

However, some people seem to be incompatible when it comes to sleep. Opposite sleep cycles, snoring and blanket “stealing” are among the obstacles that can get in the way of cortisol reduction. But calm down, there’s no need to despair — there are certain strategies to make bedtime peaceful for both parties.

We who do the awesome.club, we suffer to know that couples end the relationship for minor reasons. Thus, we list a series of problems that usually affect the life of two at bedtime. Check them out and learn how to avoid them.

1. Blanket War

Some people just don’t like to share the blanket. After all, the situation tends to get complicated when you go to sleep with a 50/50 share, but wake up feeling freezing cold and find yourself shivering in a corner of the bed. Then, you realize that you don’t have any available pieces of the covers left! And it’s useless to try to pull them back, as monopolization is bound to happen again. Despite the comical nature of this controversy, the truth is that it affects the relationship and even has a negative impact on the quality of sleep.

Solution: investing in separate blankets solves the problem! That way, the two will have their own blankets, without having to “steal” from the other. Ask your partner if he is comfortable at night — if he feels too cold, that may be the reason behind the blanket “stealing”.

2. snoring

Imagine yourself falling asleep, feeling warm and comfortable in your bed, when suddenly you hear a locomotive horn blaring right next to your ear. No, we’re not talking about an emergency alarm, we’re talking about the loved one making noise when trying to breathe while sleeping.

When snoring occurs sporadically, it doesn’t tend to be a major problem, but at worst, it can be a symptom of a more serious condition. And it’s something that compromises peace at bedtime, for both parties. We know that those who snore are more likely to wake up the next day with headaches, tiredness and other signs of sleep deprivation.

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short term solution: Change your sleeping position, as snoring happens more often when you sleep on your back. Keeping your head up can also help. If your partner is the one who snores, try going to sleep before him, also betting on earplugs. If necessary, keep some distance between you. long term solution: Lifestyle changes such as losing weight, establishing a sleep routine, and avoiding alcohol, cigarettes, and certain medications may be helpful. However, if snoring persists, it is best to see a doctor.

3. Disagreements about temperature

The temperature considered by most people to be ideal for sleeping is between 18°C ​​and 22°C, but in certain cases it can vary a little. You may find that your partner’s “sleep settings” as perfect differ from yours. And we well know that, with an uncomfortable temperature in the environment, it takes longer to fall asleep. In addition, it becomes more difficult to enter the deep sleep stage, affecting your ability to stay asleep throughout the night.

Solution: Invest in separate bedding that best suits everyone’s needs. Sleeping gets really complicated when you’re hot, so the person who likes to be warmer is more likely to give in. If your partner’s ideal temperature is lower than you like, use warmer blankets and pajamas.

4. Waking up in the middle of the night

Waking up out of the blue in the middle of the night is not uncommon. It can be a manifestation of insomnia, or a consequence of daily stress, the use of electronic devices, an environment that is not conducive to sleep, or the lack of a healthy routine. When the person wakes up and cannot go back to sleep after 15 or 20 minutes, there is no point in staying there, lying down. And if this happens often, it’s critical to be considerate of your partner.

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short term solution: Get out of bed, move to another room, and do some calming activity until you feel sleepy again. But don’t do anything while you’re in bed, next to the other person. Return to the bedroom only when you are ready to fall asleep. long term solution: improve conditions for good sleep. Keep the room dark, quiet and airy. Avoid looking at screens when getting ready for bed. Do not consume caffeine before bed. We also recommend adopting a relaxing routine at night and sleeping at the same time every day.

5. Night sweats

You lie in a clean and tidy bed, and everything looks perfect. However, as the hours pass and the two bodies warm up the environment, most people tend to start sweating. Night sweats have the potential to become a problem. Night sweats can quickly turn into a nuisance when one of the couple makes a point of using a blanket, or cuddling while sleeping. As we all know, grabbing or even just lying next to someone sweaty isn’t exactly pleasurable.

Solution: The way rooms and beds are designed is often among the main reasons for nighttime heat and sweating. It is worth buying a mattress with cooling properties and wearing clothes and breathable sheets. However, we must consider the possibility that the heat at night is the result of some condition in the body. In this case, we recommend a medical consultation to resolve all doubts.

6. Incompatibility in sleep cycles

We are talking about what is known as the war between the “early rooster” and the “night owl”. We know that we all have our own “chronotype”, which governs the internal clock involving sleep in each individual. It’s something that tends to change as we get older: while young adults tend to have energy at night, older people tend to become morning people.

Even if you’ve noticed that you and your partner have opposing circadian rhythms, it’s critical to maintain your own sleep routine, living according to your chronotype. Night people who try to go to bed too early can end up suffering from insomnia, as the pressure to fall asleep when the body isn’t ready tends to cause anxiety and frustration.

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Solution: there is no problem with each member of the couple going to bed at a certain time. In addition, the lighting in the bedroom can change the sleep routine. When it’s dark, the body starts producing melatonin, the so-called “sleep hormone”. The process stops when it’s bright, as the light indicates it’s time to wake up. Therefore, exposure to bright light in the morning and low exposure to light at night can help “night owls” adjust their rest routine a little.

7. Child in bed

If sharing a bed with a partner is already a feat, adding a child has the potential to totally compromise the couple’s sleep rhythm. Parents often wake up several times when, for example, the child moves, or simply because the child takes up valuable space. Even the marriage can suffer from this, especially when one of the parties is forced to sleep elsewhere to make room. Many couples find themselves stuck in situations like this.

Solution: this is one of those situations where we need to be strict about getting the child back to their own bed. It is essential that the little ones understand that they need to sleep alone, because there is a chance that the habit of sleeping with their parents leaves long-term cognitive and behavioral consequences. Not to mention it can completely ruin a parent’s quality of sleep. And the more time passes, the more difficult it becomes for the child to give up this habit.

Do you often have trouble sleeping? Does your partner or anyone in your family feel affected by this? How do you handle the situation? Comment!

Note: This article was updated in March 2022 to correct source material and/or factual inaccuracies.

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