Discussing the relationship is one of the boring parts of a relationship. Few people like to talk about the problems that bother the couple’s daily lives – and, among men, this is a frequent complaint: they simply don’t want to have to dissect the relationship in a dialogue that can last for hours and not take nowhere.
Knowing how to conduct the famous “DR” in a productive way is, therefore, essential for anyone who wants to draw some really valid conclusion from it for those details of life for two that are not working. For this, more than demanding common sense from your partner, learn to control the things you say.
1 – “It’s over!”
It can seem difficult to maintain self-control when you’re having a relationship problem, but you can’t let nervousness take control of your decisions. Ending the relationship at the moment of anger does not resolve the issue and even creates a new problem: if, when you are calmer, you regret it, you will have to go back and ask for forgiveness. The ideal is to avoid finishing anything before you are absolutely sure what you are doing.
2 – “It’s OK”
If you’re having to talk about a problem, it’s probably because something is bothering you both. Escaping the topic or wanting to demonstrate that you are better than you really are are attitudes that are more likely to get in the way than to help. When you say you’re okay with a situation, you’re waiting for the other person to figure out what’s wrong – and this kind of behavior is harmful, because it can lead to misunderstandings. Be clear and explain how you really feel.
3 – “You are like so and so”
By “so-and-so”, I mean any and all ex-boyfriends of yours or boyfriend of any of your friends. Don’t compare your partner to people who have clearly hurt you or people you love. Remember that DR serves to clarify what is not good in the relationship, and not for you to exchange free attacks, which will lead nowhere.
4 – “I hate you”
Some variations of this phrase are: “you’re ridiculous”, “you’re an idiot” and “I don’t want to look you in the face anymore”. If you’re feeling the urge to use one of these expressions, it might be best to reevaluate the relationship you’re involved in. This kind of venting can mean that the problems are even bigger than you imagined and cannot be solved with a conversation. If you realize that you are just overdoing what you say, learn to control yourself better and direct the RD to a positive result.
5 – “It’s All Your Fault”
As wrong as your partner is in a certain situation, avoid using this phrase. Usually, when one of you makes a mistake, it’s because something was bothering you before. Try to think about what you did to make him act in a certain way, and if you realize that you really – really, you need to be very honest – did nothing, it is worth rethinking the relationship and considering whether it is really worth staying with him.
With Knowledge Comes Wisdom
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