The first step in planting a tree is choosing a pleasant place and knowing if the land is fertile. In addition, it will be necessary to water daily and prune it from time to time so that the branches grow stronger.
If we compare with our relationships (marriage, friendship, family) we will realize that the type of work is the same. It doesn’t matter how long the relationship is, if she goes a few days without water she will dry up and die. How many friends do we lose throughout our lives, simply because we don’t have time?
The relationship for two is a daily job, regardless of the rains and thunderstorms of everyday life, it is necessary to be aware that a relationship needs to be cultivated.
In dating, the two people do not live together daily and many couples for work and study only see each other on weekends, where they usually go for a walk and have fun. In addition, they are more concerned with their appearance and because they see each other relatively little, when they are together they are well groomed, making the initial interest and “excitement” remain.
After marriage, there is an accumulation of functions (work, studies, home and children) and, consequently, living together becomes a routine that for many becomes unbearable, causing the end of the marriage.
It is true that when we get married no one gives us a handout telling us what is right or wrong, but this is no excuse and the use of common sense becomes essential.
Let’s use our workplace as an example, where every morning we say “good morning” (even if we don’t want to), politely answer the phone and listen carefully to our superiors, without interrupting them of course. In addition to being clean and properly dressed, we need to be motivated and with proposals for improvement.
So why when we get home we don’t even do half of that effort? Because we’re tired or because it’s not worth it?
The subject is extensive and there is no rule, each couple is unique in their problems and their qualities. What may exist are some tips to help in the good relationship
Tips for a good relationship
- Respect must be the basis of the relationship, the use of profanity and cursing will only serve to hurt the other person;
- Create healthy habits of saying good morning, good night, how are you?, how was your day?;
- Try to have meals together and take the opportunity to talk, even better if you are away from the television;
- Kissing, hugging, holding hands and any kind of physical contact are important for the relationship and not just during sex;
- Do not confuse the intimacy of the relationship with too much information, such as using the bathroom with the door open, passing gas in front of the other person, burping, etc. Over time, sexual interest wanes;
- Hygiene habits are fundamental to a couple’s sex life;
- Take care of your appearance, the transformation that men and women make after separation is unbelievable, why can’t you do it before it happens?
- When the relationship “cools down” looking for alternatives, one option is a visit to a sexy shop;
- Have a sense of humor;
- Don’t let the relationship fall into routine, take advantage of group shopping sites that offer cheap options for theater, restaurants and travel;
- Accept the fact that you don’t have the same opinions and therefore conflicts will exist;
- Have friends;
- Married doesn’t mean stuck, have activities outside of marriage;
- Gifts and kindnesses do not need to be dated;
- Make plans;
- Meet each other’s needs;
- Acknowledge mistakes and apologize;
- Make time just for the two of you;
- Respect each other’s family and friends;
- Talk about what bothers you and don’t let hurt accumulate.
As I said, these are just some of the tips options for living together. Each couple must find their balance, and this is only possible through dialogue and respect. In the most troubling cases, seek help from a professional.
Psychologist graduated in Brief Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy from FMUSP, owner of People Coaching and Organizational Development – a company focused on Coaching and Organizational Development and Training Projects. She performs care for adults and couples in an office and Online Psychological Guidance. CRP: 06/91301
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