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When you love another person, protecting them from pain is almost an instinct. Here is the best way to end a years-long relationship without making the other person suffer.
Nobody likes to talk about it. Seeing the person you loved cry or suffer is not pretty. Whatever your reason for ending it, the ideal is to leave the relationship in a positive way. So we help you with an action plan to finish in the best possible way.
What do you need to end the relationship on a good note?
The way you behave during the breakup is essential for it to turn out positively. Make sure you are considerate and honest, but firm.
1. Be completely honest
When you have a relationship for years, you know the other person in depth. His likes, dislikes and even when he lies. Honesty is the best strategy when you have to say things that may hurt.
Lying to him in this situation will make everything more complicated, because he will believe the reasons you give him to break up are invalid and will have doubts about the feelings during the time you shared. Don’t lengthen it, don’t complicate it. The truth hurts, but it hurts more when someone you love lies to you.
2. Watch your words and the way you say things
Stay calm and explain what you think in a calm and reasonable way, without anger. This will show consideration and may cause him less pain. Try to put yourself in their shoes, what you will tell them is difficult to digest, you can be honest without being hurtful.
3. Show as much maturity as possible
This isn’t entirely up to you because you both need to be mature at the time, but it’s good to consider. If your boyfriend is a little childish or has trouble controlling his anger, chances are he won’t get hurt, but he will create drama for you worthy of an Oscar.
If this is your case, keep in mind that things can escalate easily and very quickly. You must be careful so that your breakup does not become a shouting and bombardment of hurtful things.
4. Consider how much you emotionally invested in the relationship
This is another external factor and with much more weight. How serious was the relationship for your partner? If he was hoping to marry you, share his life and other future plans with you, breaking up will hurt him a lot.
It’s still your decision, but it’s important that you take his feelings into account so that you don’t hurt him more than necessary. Respect what they had and give them time to feel their pain. Maybe you want to finish quickly to avoid the bad moment, but he deserves your attention and consideration.
How to end a long relationship without suffering?
Laura Berman, sex therapist and author of “The Book of Love,” offers these tips to make the breakup as painless as possible:
1. Choose a good time of day
The moment in which you are going to finish is key. Both of you should have enough time to talk and comfort to understand each other. Doing it in the morning means that you would be delayed in your work routine, after dinner it can cause indigestion and a whole night without sleep.
Find a time where you are both comfortable and without external pressures.
2. Do it in person
It is not new that technology makes us feel braver. It is much easier to write things through a screen than to say them face to face. But don’t go the easy way. Out of respect for your relationship and the love you have for him, talk to him in person.
3. Think and prepare what you will say before talking to him
Try talking to yourself to prepare for that difficult moment. Think about what questions or comments he might ask you and prepare your answers.
By planning the conversation ahead of time, you will be more emotionally prepared and less anxious when the time comes to talk to him. Planning is key, so you avoid losing control when expressing yourself.
4. Choose a public place, but not so public
You need a place where neither of you will feel too trapped or confined, but private enough that you won’t attract too much attention. A quiet bench in a park is a good choice, a table for two in a crowded restaurant is not.
5. Avoid doing it when you have had alcohol
Alcohol lowers inhibitions. You may be tempted to have a drink to calm your nerves before talking to him or you may have gone out drinking and the effect of the alcohol precipitates your decision to end the relationship.
Do not do it. It’s important to keep a clear head to ensure you finish delicately. When you drink, you may say things you don’t mean, they may get violent, or even the next day one of you may have forgotten what happened.
6. Maintain a positive attitude
Breaking up with him doesn’t mean you can’t recognize his good things. Nice, kind words can have a lasting impact on this situation and will give you something positive to hold on to after the breakup.
Just because the relationship didn’t work out doesn’t mean he’s a bad person or that you should hate each other after it ends.
7. Be direct and honest
Tell him what’s happening bluntly. We are human, we are not perfect and we learn from our mistakes. He deserves to know what didn’t work, give him the opportunity to learn and change it for his next relationship.
But keep in mind that you’re not perfect either, so you better be prepared for what he may tell you. Don’t close yourself off, he receives comments with an open mind. Maybe she has interesting things that you haven’t thought about yourself.
8. Censor what is necessary
Being direct doesn’t mean you have to rub every single detail in their face. It is important to know what to censor. Berman explains: “Don’t delve into hurtful details. He doesn’t have to know that you already have your eye on your office colleague or that you’re dying to go out and flirt.”
Analyze what is useful to say and what is not. Your reasons should allow him to understand why the relationship didn’t work, give him the opportunity to improve those aspects, and understand where you weren’t compatible. Untill there. You don’t owe explanations that could hurt them.
9. Be firm, so that there are no doubts about the breakup
If you are convinced that the problems they have can no longer be fixed, do not allow a little hope to remain in him. For this you don’t have to be rude, just make your position clear and be firm. It’s difficult, but wishing him the best in his future relationships can help.
If you are not firm, you will let him have false hope and believe that you can make things work in the future. This is going to prevent him from having closure and he may spend more time trying to win you back than moving forward with his life.
10. Do your best, but don’t expect a safe closure
It is not always possible to end things well. Sometimes because of his immaturity, other times because of what he expected from his relationship with you and his plans for the future.
If this is your case, the best thing to do is to simply leave when you have nothing more to say. Silences and absences also respond.
11. Stay away from him on social networks
Recovering from the breakup should be priority #1 for both of you. Disable his posts on your Facebook feed or unfriend him, unfollow him on Instagram, and don’t harass him on Twitter. It will be easier to get over the separation if you are not constantly seeing his posts.
This is necessary with all types of contact in real life as well. It’s not because of burning at all. A breakup is just that, breaking all contact and relationship with him. Don’t look for him out of pity or to see if he’s okay. Move on with your life and allow space for both of you to heal.
12. Whatever you do, don’t go back to him
The vertigo of looking back is greater than that of looking down. The nostalgia that memories of your relationship can bring back is dangerous.
You must break the bad habit of not seeing things realistically. If it didn’t work out once and you broke up for the right reasons, chances are you’ll break up again for those same reasons. Prevent both from suffering twice as much.
All breakups are different, but they are all difficult
It takes a lot of courage to tell someone how we feel when we know – or think – that we are going to hurt them. Many people stay in a bad relationship because they are afraid to take that step. Don’t stay out of pity or fear, arm yourself with courage and do it the right way.
There is no guarantee that they will end without conflict, but if you are kind and compassionate, it can make the experience a little more positive. Bad communication is never the solution, and this is one of the most sensitive conversations you will have with him, so take care of every detail.
Phrases to end a relationship of years
Focus on explaining the reasons why it didn’t work and emphasizing that no one deserves to be in a relationship in which they no longer feel happy. Examples: «You are a great person, but the relationship is no longer exciting and does not fulfill us. We deserve better”, “I love you, but it doesn’t work”.
Can I use a letter to end a relationship without hurting my boyfriend?
Sometimes it is easier to explain what you think in writing than to say it in person. A letter can be a very personal method, but it is still ideal for you to talk after you read it so that you have the opportunity to respond to you.
How to end a chat relationship without hurting my boyfriend?
This is very complicated. Using a chat, Whatsapp or some other social network to end a relationship suggests that you do not value it. You will most likely hurt him or make him quite upset. Worst case scenario, if you can’t do it in person, a call is better.
What to say to end a relationship?
The truth always. Tell him what good you saw in him, what you appreciate, and what you enjoyed together, but make him understand why it’s not working anymore.
What to do after ending a long relationship?
Ending a relationship, especially one that has been going on for years, is a process that takes time and action. The first thing you should keep in mind is not to make it longer than necessary. It is okay to cry, but you must assimilate it.
Recognize that you are no longer with him, but keep in mind that you are not alone. Leaning on your friends and keeping yourself busy is key during this time of your breakup. Take it as therapy, but not as an escape. Allow yourself to feel the grief of the loss, without it controlling you.
Rebuild your routine, dedicate time to yourself, sign up for the gym, dedicate yourself to your studies or work. And stay away from him. Delete it from social networks if you have to. It’s important that you eliminate contact for a while, so you don’t get stuck in the same dynamic.
How to end a years-long relationship?
First analyze if your reasons are really good, if there really is no way to fix it. If you are convinced, the method is the same. Talk to him, be honest and direct. Thanking him for the time he dedicated to you and working to make it work all that time is a detail that he will appreciate.
No one wants to be in the position of breaking another person’s heart, but sometimes it’s best to know when to end it to avoid suffering in the future.
If you are worried about knowing how to end a years-long relationship without hurting the other, it is because there was sincere affection in that relationship. Treasure…