11 Secrets You Should Never Keep

Most people have at least one secret. After all, not everything needs/should be shared to the four winds. However, some types of information, if kept, can, at some point, harm the person or others.

How, then, can anyone tell the difference between a secret that can be kept under lock and key and one that needs to be shared? The answer is not always simple, after all, each case is different. But some points must be considered, such as:

• “Is keeping this secret a nuisance that gets in the way of my life?”
• “Does it harm or can it, at some point, harm my health/life?”
• “At some point will he inevitably be discovered?”
• “If discovered, could it harm someone else’s life?”

Celia Lima, a specialist in psychotherapy at Personare, comments that there is that kind of secret that someone confides in you. “When someone asks you to secrecy about important information for the person’s life, obviously they are trusting you not to go around telling it. Among friends, many secrets are confided, but eventually serious information, which puts the person or others at risk, must be seriously discussed: difficult to silence and, more than that, how to bear the burden of responsibility for its omission? There are legitimate situations where revealing a secret can prevent a greater harm than the breakup of a friendship,” she says.

“If you think you won’t be able to keep a secret, it’s best not to hear it. Because the best friend also has another best friend and, thus, the ‘secret’ is no longer a secret”, says Celia.

“Carrying an important secret is really a burden, because the person is between the guilt they will probably feel if they reveal it, and the responsibility of bearing some nefarious consequence for not having shared it with anyone”, comments the expert.

“I would say that secrets can be safely kept when there is an ethical-professional issue involved. Outside this sphere, unless the person who keeps the secret can bear it without it being painful to him, getting rid of the secret seems to be something inevitable, both yours and someone else’s secret, even if the person talks to the driver of the car. taxi, for example”, adds the psychotherapist.

Anyway, which secret can be revealed and which cannot? “It’s your discernment that will tell,” Celia replies.

11 Secrets You Must Reveal

Check below examples of secrets that should not be kept, because, no matter how relevant they seem, they can harm your own life or the lives of other people, sooner or later.

1. Don’t tell the hairdresser that you did hair chemistry

It sounds like a “harmless” secret, but omitting from your hairdresser that you’ve done chemical in the strands, when he asks if your hair is virgin, can have negative consequences, especially for you, but also for him as a professional.

Believing that his hair is virgin, he may use products that will react negatively on his hair, causing dryness, color changes, hair loss, etc. Of course, you won’t be happy with the result, and neither will the professional.

2. Hide something that could put someone at risk if nothing is done

If you are aware of any information that, if not shared, could put a third party at risk, please do not hesitate to ask for help.

Suppose, for example, that someone has confided in you that your friend’s new boyfriend is an extremely violent man. As much as this person has asked you to secrecy, it is clear that you will inevitably worry about your friend, think about her safety and well-being.

Reflect carefully on what is among your possibilities to do, if necessary, count on the people you trust completely. They will certainly help you make the best decision. (This doesn’t mean going around talking to everyone about what you’ve been told. It does mean taking meaningful action.)

3. Hide a secret that will cause a lot of pain if discovered years later

An adoption, for example, if it is not revealed, will probably one day come to light, causing suffering, not only in the adopted person, but in all the family members involved.

Celia explains that there are certain secrets that end up coming to light regardless of the will of those involved, and adoption is one of them. “It is not difficult for acquaintances or family members to end up ‘missing’ the fact and, fatally, the person who was adopted will know. Even if everyone keeps the secret, there is still the possibility that the adoptee has some kind of hereditary problem and realizes that neither the father nor the mother has the problem, which will lead him to investigate his life in some way”, she says.

“One of the consequences of discovering the secret is the breakdown of trust in these adoptive parents, but it can also compromise the affective and social relationships of the person who was adopted. She can become a shy, withdrawn and suspicious person. We all have the right to own our history!”, highlights the psychotherapist.

“In the case of adoptive parents, they will be keeping a kind of permanent tension, living under the fear of being discovered. Of course that can’t be healthy! If parents ask family members not to reveal the adoption, they will be inflicting permanent care on these people that does not belong to them, which does not seem fair to me”, adds Celia.

4. Hide a sexually transmitted disease from your partner

In a relationship for two, there cannot be a kind of secret like this that, at any moment, can seriously harm the life of the partner. It is enough to put yourself in the other’s shoes to realize how important this is.

“First, condom use is mandatory. In a stable relationship, both must undergo all possible tests in order to safely give up condoms. This demonstrates awareness and responsibility for oneself and for the other. But if, beforehand and consciously, one of the two does not reveal to be a carrier of an STD, this relationship is already compromised”, emphasizes Celia.

“It is understandable that there is embarrassment in bringing up the subject, mainly due to the prejudices we carry, that there are feelings involved and fear of the partner’s reaction. However, it is important that these issues are addressed and overcome. Otherwise, trust will be broken sooner or later”, explains the psychotherapist.

“In cases of incurable diseases that can lead to death, such as AIDS, for example, the person can be prosecuted for having exposed the partner to risk. So, as difficult as it is, this is too compromising a secret to keep,” adds Celia.

5. Not telling your doctor about an abortion (spontaneous or not)

Celia comments that, normally, a gynecologist does a thorough questionnaire that includes questions about abortion. “Withholding information from the doctor can compromise a diagnosis or treatment, and the patient will be working against herself. Nothing is omitted in a consultation, because it is the doctor who knows the relevance of the information, not the patient”, she highlights.

6. Hide or lie about your habits

Some people have no conscience, but when they lie to a doctor saying, for example, that they drink little, that they have never used drugs, that they exercise (when they don’t), among other important points, they are putting their own health at risk.

“When important facts are omitted from health professionals, there is, in fact, no intention to take care of themselves. The professional works with the patient’s information and expects him to be honest with himself. Lying to a doctor or a therapist is, rather, lying to yourself”, emphasizes Celia.

The psychotherapist adds that anyone who intends to hide their lifestyle habits (either from a doctor, a family member, etc.), certainly feels guilty for having them and does not want to be subjected to judgments. “The most common consequences are seclusion, little social contact and the risk of developing some type of depression due to this isolation. The ideal would be to assume your habits or, in case they put your health at risk, seek help to overcome them,” she says.

7. Hide a debt that can influence other people’s lives

Celia comments that the common thread in keeping such a secret is pride or even shame for not knowing how to manage finances. “The more time passes, the bigger the debts and the bigger the problem,” she says.

“A simple example is in relation to the rent and its guarantor. Is it legitimate not to tell the guarantor that the rent is not being paid? Is it legitimate not to hand over the house because you don’t want to admit that you can’t afford this rent? The sooner this issue is revealed, the sooner you have the humility to recognize that your omission can harm other people, the sooner the solution also arrives”, adds the psychotherapist.

8. Don’t Say You Don’t Like Your Partner Anymore

The end of a relationship is usually not easy for anyone, regardless of the reason. But, is it worth continuing a relationship when you don’t like your partner anymore?

This is your “secret”, but it involves, in addition to your happiness, the happiness of the other.

Celia comments that making the decision to inform your partner that you no longer have love for him or her is complex, because it involves many questions.

“No one decides not to like it anymore, and that’s hard to even admit to yourself. However, when the feeling fades, sex is compromised, tolerance is no longer the same, fights arise for insignificant reasons and coexistence becomes unfeasible. Deep down, attitudes show that there is no more love and not talking about it only worsens the situation and postpones the inevitable. Not talking and staying in the relationship is signing the certificate of unhappiness. It is not necessary to reach a limit situation”, says the psychotherapist.

9. Not talking about financial difficulties when necessary

Of course, you don’t have to go around telling everyone you meet that you’re not in a comfortable financial situation. But in some cases, talking about it can be important. For example, if a doctor suggests an expensive treatment and/or medication, there’s no reason not to say that you can’t afford it at that time.

Or, if a close friend calls you on a trip, and insists a lot on your presence, the best option may be to tell the truth. Thank the invitation, but explain that you will need to leave it for a next opportunity because you are going through a difficult financial situation.

10. Not telling you that you are discouraged/depressed

Once again, it is not necessary to go out screaming to the four winds that you are feeling discouraged. But, when being questioned, for example, by people in your family (such as father, mother) or even by a doctor, it may be important to “reveal this secret”.

In the case of the professional, he will be able to analyze his situation as a whole, perhaps even indicating a complementary treatment with a therapist.

In the case of family members, they will probably help…