Deep down, what (almost) everyone really wants is to live a love. A story of partnership, a romance, liking and being liked. This is because even self-sufficiency and the pleasure of being alone do not meet all love needs.
And in the comings and goings of life, there always ends up someone nice who makes you want to keep close and live a relationship. But in the eagerness to reach the goal, and in the attempt to balance the expectations that each one creates of the other, sometimes certain changes or attitudes can be allowed that go beyond what is indicated.
Who thinks of individuality when they’re in love? The initial impulse is to be the person of the other’s dreams to enjoy the moments together more and take the break once and for all. But everything must have limits. So that your life doesn’t get out of the way, so that your personality remains intact, so that your other family and friendly relationships continue in a healthy way, it takes firmness to keep your life on the right track.
Are you exaggerating the concessions? Check out some common attitudes that are often confused with acts of love, but which can actually be just demonstrations of lack of self-love:
1. Abandon your friends and family
It is common for those who are in love or dating to want to prioritize the moments for two and please the other by being available. This is a serious mistake that many people make. The social circle is as important to our emotional health as the loving and family circle. One thing doesn’t have to exclude the other and we often lose important people in our lives by realizing it too late.
2. Living the person’s life
Never cancel your personal life, your dreams and plans to accompany the life of your love. Complicity and mutual support are fundamental to any relationship. But living only someone else’s life and losing your identity is very dangerous for your self-esteem, as well as probably letting down whoever fell in love with the person you were before.
3. Allow disrespect
Everyone is liable to make mistakes when in anger, jealousy or other feelings that even though they are reprehensible are also human. It’s part of a relationship to know how to balance the successes and mistakes of others – it’s not possible to find someone without imperfections. Some mistakes and certain acts that we consider disrespectful are unavoidable. But everything has limits and you should know yours in relation to your partner. Letting go of attitudes that bother you or offend you does not help to maintain the relationship, on the contrary, it only contributes to the formation of a snowball that can crush you or even legitimize inappropriate behavior. Respect and enforce your limits.
4. Failing to fulfill your commitments
After a relationship begins, especially at the beginning, the person in love may have a tendency to miss or postpone their commitments in order to spend more time with the other person, accompany him on other occasions or because he asks for his company. As much as you want to be glued or to please the other, canceling out the other aspects of your life is completely inadvisable. Don’t go out of your way, nothing guarantees that this investment will pay off and you could be disappointed in yourself if something goes wrong.
5. Change your body or appearance
Unless change is already important to you, never change your style, hair, or body just for someone else’s wish. You must be the ruler of your body, giving no one the right to change it. A person should approach you for what you already are and not for what they imagine you could be.
6. Make important plans for the future that depend on each other
As much as you are sure that a relationship will be forever, you will never have the guarantee that it will happen. The creation of plans and expectations that involve other people should take two main things into consideration: First, if the other knows about these plans and really showed interest and availability. Or it was also accepted just so as not to create problems.
Secondly, even long-term and well-planned plans may not have the expected result and you will have to live with the consequences. Partnership is what everyone expects from a relationship and that should be sought as a couple. But for that, it is necessary to have a firm and stable relationship, a minimum time of coexistence to really know what can be expected from the other.
7. Accepting behavior that you feel is inappropriate
Everyone has their own way and it is also not possible to intend to change a person’s behavior. But sometimes we can be disappointed in people we only know superficially. If you do not agree with your partner’s attitudes, it is necessary to make clear the difference of opinions between you and not encourage or ignore such problems.
8. Stop making your programs
Missing parties, trips with friends, family celebrations, important work events, birthdays… It can even happen in the frenzy of the beginning of a relationship. People know and understand, but up to a point. This continual practice is unhealthy for your relationships with friends, for yourself, or for your love relationship. You will probably regret having lost so many important moments and the consequences on your friendly ties can be irretrievable.
9. Drop your career
In long-term relationships or marriages, many couples decide together that only one will be the breadwinner, usually for the woman to take care of the children and the private life of the family. Yes, many people establish this relationship by mutual agreement and at some times in life it may even be necessary, such as the first months of a baby’s life.
Even if this situation seems comfortable to you, think about how you think you will feel without activities and being financially dependent on someone else. Preferably, keep moving professionally, even if it is for a shorter period. Their self-esteem and feeling of belonging to society are very dependent on this activity.
10. Get a tattoo
There are people who get excited about showing affection and go so far as to get a tattoo with the name of their loved one or something. Examples abound that this declaration of love is not a good idea. There are infinite ways to mark a person’s heart and they don’t have to involve eternal marks on your body. Removing a tattoo is often more expensive and more painful than getting one.
With Knowledge Comes Wisdom
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