10 Phrases that can be harmful in the relationship between parents and children

Childhood is an important stage in our lives, in which every event, no matter how small, can acquire enormous relevance in the construction of personality. An example of this are some phrases that parents say and that end up staying forever in their children’s memory, whether they are compliments or complaints. The fact is that adults do not always realize the consequences for children’s minds of words that are thrown out thoughtlessly and in the heat of the moment.

We, from awesome.club, we decided to share some ‘pitfalls’ hidden in 10 apparently harmless phrases and their consequences for children. Check out!

It is important to allow children to cry and express their emotions. Finding that their feelings are not understood by their parents can confuse them and make them less likely to want to share those feelings in the future. Little ones need to know that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or frustrated. Also, we never tell an adult to stop crying. So why do this precisely with children?

We all want our children to be polite to friends and family, but by ‘pushing’ them into unwanted kisses and hugs, we are disrespecting their personal boundaries. By insisting that they comply with other people’s wishes, giving up their own will and forcing them to show affection unnaturally, we can end up forming in them a misconception about what personal boundaries are, which in turn can lead to to very dangerous consequences in the future.

We were at the country house celebrating my mother’s friend’s birthday. Many relatives were gathered, about 25 people. Then my friend’s 5 year old nephew arrived with his parents. The boy soon became the center of attention. All the while, he was silent, listening patiently to all the expressions of affection directed towards him. When the buzz died down after 15 minutes and a silence hung in the air, he said to everyone in a loud voice: “Go pick up some coconuts!” © exhibitor / Pikabu

Maturity comes with time and experience, not constant warnings about your supposedly inappropriate behavior. Phrases like the one shown above can hurt children because they devalue their feelings. They cannot be expected to behave like adults. If the child does not behave according to his age, it is worth taking a closer look at the situation: they often do this when they are nervous, anxious or afraid of something. It’s better to try to listen to their feelings instead of shaming them.

Parents often use this phrase in the hope that it will motivate their child to improve. But the fact is that we do not help them with such comparisons. Learn to accept your children as they are. You don’t have to ask them to behave like other children; they just aren’t capable of it. Each person is unique. By constantly pointing to someone as an example, we can get the child to start comparing themselves to others all the time. This can lead you to feel inferior because of qualities you simply don’t have.

If you have to repeat the same thing over and over again to your child, maybe you should rethink your communication strategy. Getting angry doesn’t work. A child’s attention tends to wander easily and almost anything takes their focus away from what is being said. Instead, ask more direct questions and try to get to the heart of the problem.

I was very naughty. It broke everything. The toys, in a few minutes, were without wheels, without eyes, without heads. One day, my grandmother bought a beautiful doll. I wanted it so bad I couldn’t take my eyes off it, but instead of letting me play with it, my grandma hung it on the wall. Grandma used to tell me that I didn’t know how to take care of toys and, when I learned, she would give them to me. Years passed and my grandmother never decided that I had learned to take care of my dolls. When she was 14, she was robbed. To this day I regret that I didn’t steal it. © sitepen1 / Pikabu

If a child doesn’t want to leave a friend’s house or the park, it may be tempting to threaten them with these kinds of phrases to get them to comply. But with these words, we only encourage children to feel less protected. Your child may understand that you won’t always be there to protect and care for him. And the thought that a parent can leave you alone is scary.

We often tell children phrases like “you never put your toys away” or “you always lie”. We know, however, that, in fact, things are not quite like that. After all, you can certainly remember many times when the child put his things away or told the truth. By using these words, we negate the efforts of the little ones to do something right. They may think it’s impossible to change and that they’ll never be able to do it right.

I remember my grandmother kept a gold medal from my mother’s school days. I didn’t know if the medal was really made of this material. So when I was visiting her house I asked and found out it was just painted metal. Three days later I went home and all hell broke loose. The medal had disappeared along with a sum of money. Because of my questions, all suspicions fell on me. I denied it, but nobody believed it. Even the neighbors found out that I had ‘stolen’ the medal and all my little friends turned away from me on the recommendation of their parents. And then a miracle happened: the medal was found. It turns out that the son of an acquaintance who was at my grandmother’s house stole the medal while she was sleeping. And then the medal mysteriously appeared in a box. Do you think someone apologized to me? Since then, I never had a warm relationship with my parents, and they never understood why. © Eugeneios / Pikabu

Phrases like “you will have your own house and there you can do such a thing…” or “this is not your house” disturb and frighten the child. Or, if she doesn’t get scared, she might agree but jump at the first opportunity to leave the house in the future. By making such a statement, the parent is basically disclaiming responsibility for the parenting process.

One of the main ‘missions’ of parents is to remain calm, whatever happens. When a person is out of his mind, he often says things he may later regret. In that sense, keeping calm is an example to our children of how we want them to behave. This is especially true for parents of easily angered children.

When I was 8, my mother took my sister and me to the circus for the first time. We were at the trolley stop and Mom said to get off before the trolley started moving again. I jumped, but there was no time for my mother and sister to jump. I took the next tram and got off at the stop where they were supposed to be, hoping to find Mum, but she was gone. So I decided it would be best to go home. My father asked: “Why are you alone?” I explained the situation and we waited together. Soon, my mother arrived and started yelling at me; she said she hadn’t found me near the circus so she came home and I, an idiot, was sitting there having tea and so I wasn’t going anywhere. So he went with my sister to the circus. When she came back later, she yelled at me for a long time. I sat down and cried, not understanding what I had done that was so bad. And she didn’t even apologize. It still hurts… © krik1989 / Pikabu

It is true that younger siblings follow the example of older children and often even adopt the bad habits they see in them. But don’t forget that children are just that: children. And if even us adults can make mistakes, imagine them. Do not hold your child responsible for the behavior of his younger brothers and sisters.

Which sentence said by your parents most marked your childhood? What others would you add to our list? Tell us in the comments section.